#hallies-diary

[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry Ten

A Story Left Unspoken

Nathan shared something with me—not directly, but in his own quiet way.

We were the only ones in the sanctuary and I came downstairs to see what he was doing. Saw him sitting in his study, like he always does, reading one of his books.

He invited me to join him and when I did, he handed me a small trinket, a simple silver locket.

“It belonged to someone important,” he said. “I keep it as a reminder.”

He didn’t say more, and I didn’t ask. But I could see how sad he was. I noticed how he continued to rub his fingers over the locket before he let me hold it.

It made me realize that even someone as strong and composed as Nathan carries his own scars. Maybe that’s why he’s patient with me—because he knows what it’s like to struggle with the weight of what you’ve become.

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[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry Nine

A Dangerous Offer

Remy made me an offer. “I could teach you,” he said. “Show you how to survive, how to thrive.”

There was something in his eyes—something almost genuine—that made me think that he really wanted to help me.

I considered it for a bit and told him no.

When I did, his expression didn’t change. “Suit yourself,” he said, turning away. “But don’t come crying to me when you realize you’re in over your head.”

I still don’t fully trust him. I can’t. But part of me wonders what I might have learned if I’d said yes.

[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry Eight

The Pull of the Hunger

Remy found me tonight, as he always does, slipping out of the sanctuary.

“Littlest Deamhan,” he said, “where are you off too?”

I tried to ignore him, but he has a way of getting under my skin. He knows exactly what buttons to press.

And he keeps calling me that. Littlest Deamhan.

I mean, what in the hell does that even mean?!?!?

Tonight, I fed again. At first, I was nervous, but then the hunger started to gnaw at me, that deep ache that never quite goes away. I found a man sitting alone in the park, scrolling through his phone.

I didn’t take much—just enough to quiet the ache. But as I walked away, I felt super guilty.

He’ll never know I was there, but I’ll know.

Does it always feel like this? The mix of satisfaction and shame? Remy says I’ll get used to it, but I don’t want to. If I stop feeling this, what does that make me?

[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry Seven

 Fragile Thread

Anastasia and I were left alone today, and for the first time, we didn’t fight. It wasn’t exactly friendly, but it was… civil. She asked me about my past—not kindly, but not cruelly either.

I told her about my family, about the life I had before Tank found me. She didn’t say much in return, just nodded, her expression unreadable. But there was something in her eyes, something softer than I’ve ever seen before.

Maybe Tank was right. Maybe there is common ground between us. It’s a fragile thread, but it’s there. I don’t trust her, not completely. But for the first time, I feel like there’s a chance, however small, that we could be something other than enemies.

I’m not holding my breath. But I’ll hold onto that thread, for now.

[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry Six

A Hollow Christmas

It’s Christmas Eve, and the city feels different tonight. There’s a softness in the air, a hush that even the chaos of the world seems to respect. I can see the lights from here, strung across windows and storefronts, their glow reflecting in the frost on the streets. It’s beautiful, but it feels so far away.

I used to love Christmas. It wasn’t even about the presents—it was the traditions. Decorating the tree with my foster mom, singing along to cheesy holiday songs, sneaking cookies from the tray before they’d cooled. It was a time when everything felt warm, safe, and whole.

Now, it just feels… hollow. The warmth is gone, replaced by the cold hunger that never really leaves. I could sit in front of a million twinkling lights, but I don’t think I’d feel their glow anymore.

The others don’t care about Christmas. To them, it’s just another day, another night spent surviving. But I can’t shake the ache, the longing for something that feels like home. I don’t even know if I believe in that anymore, but the memory of it is enough to keep me awake tonight.

I lit a candle and played “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” It was always my favorite, but now it feels more like a ghost of something I can’t touch.

“Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow.” That line cuts deep. The fates didn’t allow, did they? Not for me.

Still, there’s something comforting in the ritual. The candlelight, the music, the quiet. It’s not the same as it used to be, but maybe it doesn’t have to be. Maybe it’s enough to just sit here and remember.

Merry Christmas, Hallie. Even if it’s just you and the shadows tonight, you’re still here. And that has to mean something.

[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry Five

Bright Eyes, Dark Corners

I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of that old bookstore today. For a second, I thought I looked human. My hair, my eyes—they’re still mine. Still Hallie. But then I saw the way people on the street moved to avoid me, even though I wasn’t doing anything. They can sense it, can’t they? The shift. The darkness.

Tank says I should embrace it, but it’s not that simple. I don’t want to be just another predator in the shadows. It’s not enough to survive. I need something more—a reason, a purpose. Right now, I’m clinging to the moments that remind me of who I was before. The smell of rain on concrete. The feel of sunlight on my skin, even if it stings a little. The sound of music drifting through an open window.

I don’t know if it’s foolish to hold onto those things, but they make the hunger a little quieter. For now, that’s enough.

[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry Four

The Sound of Infinite Sadness

I stumbled across Smashing Pumpkins today. I was flipping through old CDs at a thrift shop and found Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. The title alone caught my attention—it felt like something I could relate to.

The first track I played was “Tonight, Tonight,” and as soon as the strings swelled, I was hooked.

There’s something so grand and aching about it, like it’s trying to capture the weight of the world and still find beauty within it. I must have listened to it ten times in a row, sitting cross-legged on my bed with the lights off.

Billy Corgan’s voice has this rawness that makes every word feel important, like he’s singing straight from the heart. It’s messy and imperfect, but that’s what makes it real. And right now, I need something real.

[darkmagicstories]

Hallie's Diary - Entry 3

Ghosts of the Past

Sometimes, I dream of the life I had before. It’s strange how the memories come back in pieces—a smell, a laugh, the sound of my foster mom calling me inside for dinner.

Tonight, I remembered my sixteenth birthday. Just before everything changed, I was standing in the kitchen with a cupcake in my hand, the candle flickering in front of me. I’d wished for something simple back then: to pass my driving test, maybe to be noticed by the boy I had a crush on.

I wonder what that version of me would think if my foster mom saw me now. Would she run? Cry?

The worst part is that I get super hungry when I think about them. Like, super hungry.