Eye F*cking | Anthony Ramos
pairings: Anthony Ramos x male!reader (he/they pronouns for reader) (he/him pronouns for Anthony)
warnings: swearing, gay panic, not proofread
A/N: I promise this isn’t NSFW or anything like that, sorry if the title is misleading
Y/N hastily dialed the number on their phone, anxiously waiting as it rang.
“Hey, Y/N, what’s up?” the familiar voice on the other end of the phone greeted them.
“You’re sick?!” they asked in a disgusted tone, “What do you mean you’re sick?!”
“I mean, I’m sick,” Lin explained, as if he were talking to a toddler, “You have to go on tonight.”
“Wh-what... you can’t just be sick!” Y/N stuttered, stalling to avoid the inevitable outcome of having to perform as Alexander.
“Turns out I can.”
Y/N rolled his eyes, despite Lin not being able to see it, “Well, I can’t go on tonight.”
“You kind of have to...”
“What if I was sick, huh? What would happen then?”
“You’re the understudy, you can’t get sick. And I know you’re not sick.”
“Bullshit, what if I was dead? What would you do then?”
“I don’t know,” Lin sighed, “Look, I know it’s hard, but you gotta go on tonight. You’ve done it in rehearsals plenty of times, you’ll be fine.”
Y/N anxiously tapped the side of his phone. It wasn’t so much the rapping or performing that had them nervous, but the person they had to perform with.
Y/N had rehearsed all the romance scenes tons of times, and sharing a kiss with Pippa while pretending to be her husband and the father of her children, making out with Jasmine and standing dangerously close to Renee while pretending to be in love didn’t faze him too much. It was more the Intense Gay Stares™ he had to do with Anthony.
At every rehearsal, Y/N would end up a flustered mess the second he made eye contact with him, so they guessed that staring at him as if they were secretly lovers in the American Revolutionary War would result in him passing out due to a panic attack.
He had seen Lin and Anthony do it effortlessly every show, so why did it make Y/N so nervous?
Could it have been because they actually wanted to be secret lovers with Anthony Ramos? Who knows.
"So can you go on tonight?" Lin asked, his voice snapping Y/N out of his thoughts.
Squeezing their eyes shut, Y/N nodded, a pained look on his face, "Yeah... I can."
"Great," Lin said, sighing in relief, "You're a life saver, Y/N. Break a leg."
Sighing, Y/N hung up the phone, "I wish my leg was broken."
Y/N then begun pacing around their apartment. That had always been the best way to find solutions to problems that he had been overthinking.
Unfortunately, an hour wasn't enough time for a solution to magically appear, when Y/N got another phone call.
The caller ID was labeled Anthony R.
Y/N had thought about changing it to something else. A nickname he had thought of for him, and of course the random idea of adding an unnecessary heart emojis next to his name-because he definitely didn't like him like that. But he had shut down those ideas the minute they were thought of, wanting to dismiss the silly fantasy of actually forming a relationship with someone he could barely talk to. He didn't even remember how or why he got his number, considering they never texted if it wasn't for work.
Before he could stop himself, Y/N had answered the call, "He-hello?" Y/N rolled his eyes at his own stutter, thankful that Anthony couldn't see.
"Hey, Y/N/N, it's Anthony,"
Heat rushed to Y/N's cheeks at Anthony's nickname for him. He had no idea how he came up with it, considering the two barely talked, but Y/N wasn't complaining.
"Hey, wh-what's up?"
"I'm guessing you know that Lin's sick, and he can't go on, right?"
Y/N hummed 'yes' in response, the fear of stuttering and making a bigger fool of himself got the better of him.
"So, you'll have to go on tonight, right?"
"Uh-huh," Y/N spoke, the nervous tone becoming clearer.
"Great," Anthony sighed in relief, confusing Y/N slightly.
Was he really happy that he was performing tonight? Shaking his head, Y/N shook it off, he was probably just imagining things.
"Would you mind meeting me at the theatre soon? I wanna talk to you about something- before it gets crowded with other people."
Y/N felt his heart rate pick up, "Sure, how soon?"
Y/N mentally congratulated himself, 'no stuttering!'
"Half an hour maybe? So then we'll have about twenty minutes before everyone else gets there. If that works for you."
"Yea-yeah, that works. Ha-half an hour works."
'never mind.'
"Great! I'll see you there,"
"Yup." Y/N said, hanging up as soon as the word left his mouth.
'What could Anthony possibly want to talk to me about? And why does he not want anyone else there?'
All Y/N knew was that they would have to magically get used to all the stares in a matter of minutes before they had to see Anthony.
______
”Hey Y/N/N,”
Y/N whipped his head around, their heart pumping fast when they were met with Anthony’s warm smile. Everything about him made Y/N feel better. Sure, he was a flustered mess when Anthony used their nickname ever so casually, and he felt like his heart would burst out of his chest whenever he saw his smile, but it still made him feel better in a way.
”Hey,” they stammered out, mentally cursing himself for stuttering, “Wha- uh… what’s up?”
Y/N’s eyes shifted to Anthony’s fingers fiddling together. He had never seen him do that before, but he guessed that it was a nervous habit or something. Gosh, Y/N could never imagine Anthony seeming nervous. The guy always radiated confidence. Then again, Y/N was barely capable of keeping a long enough conversation with him to make assumptions like that.
"Lin mentioned that you were worried about one of the- well, a lot of the scenes that we have to do together as Laurens and Hamilton."
Y/N awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding Anthony's gaze like he had grown so accustomed to doing so, "He-he mentioned that, did he?"
How would Lin have known about it? It's not like Y/N went around advertising their weird little problems. Then again, he wasn't known to be the most subtle guy in the world.
Anthony gave a small nod, "Yeah, he did. A-and I was wondering if you'd wanna get in some practice? We haven't been the best at eye f*cking in rehearsals."
If Y/N's heart wasn't racing before, it definitely was now, "Wh-what?"
Anthony's eyes widened, holding up a hand as if he were trying to gain a wounded animal's trust, "O-only if you want to. I don't wanna psych you out before you go on, I just thought you might want to practice."
"Huh? No, no, I'm fine with practicing, it's just..." Y/N paused, looking around suspiciously as if someone were listening in on their conversation, "What did you say?"
"Eye f*cking?" he suggested, as if it were a normal, everyday phrase.
"Yeah." Y/N nodded, eyes widening at how casual it shouldn't have sounded despite Anthony saying it so casually, "What's that?"
Anthony squinted at them, "Do you not remember?"
"I think I'd remember what eye f*cking means." Y/N muttered, growing worried with every second of not knowing what 'eye fu*king' meant.
Eyes furrowed together in confusion, Anthony paused, deep in thought, "Wait... Oh man, you mustn't have been there that day..."
"Wh-what day? What day did 'eye f*cking' become a normal phrase?!"
"Hey, it's nothing to worry about," he reassured, placing a hand on Y/N's shoulder, as if that would calm him down, "It's just a joke we all came up with when we were talking about how gay John and Alex were. Like, how they stare for so long?" Y/N nodded hesitantly, letting Anthony continue, "That's eye f*cking."
Y/N's mouth fell open slightly in shock, "I'm... so mad at myself for not realizing that earlier."
A laugh escaped Anthony's lips, "Hey, don't worry about it. But, do you still wanna practice?"
"Uh..." Y/N paused, mentally debating the situation. It was either get used to the stares then, or on stage and in front of hundreds of people, "Su-sure. What song should we do first?"
"Well, 'Story of Tonight' probably has the most eye f*cking in it, so we should start there?" he suggested, though it came out as more of a question, as if he were asking permission from Y/N.
Y/N felt his heart pick up once again, "Yea-yeah. Good idea."
Sensing his worry, Anthony spoke up, "If you're nervous, just don't think about it too much. Try and think of it as just out characters."
'I can do that, right?' Y/N thought, nodding nervously as Anthony pulled out his phone, trying to find the backup track he practiced with.
Despite being nervous, Y/N loved performing as Alexander. He would always use theatre as an escape. A distraction. As a way to be someone else. And Alexander was a very good distraction from the nervous mess of a person Y/N had come to be. Yes, he was an asshole. (Y/N had mentioned it countless times before, if he could go back in time to meet any historical figure, he would meet Alexander, just to punch him in the face.) But that was apparently the someone Y/N loved to be instead of himself.
"Ready?" Anthony asked, the music ready on his phone.
Y/N nodded, taking deep breaths before beginning to sing, "I may not live to see our glory... but I will gladly join the fight... and when out children tell our story... they'll tell the story of tonight."
Anthony's eyes widened, his cheeks reddening slightly. It had been so long since they had rehearsed together, he had forgotten how much he loved the sound of Y/N's voice.
"Let's have another round tonight," Y/N sang, signaling for Anthony to sing next.
"Raise a glass to freedom, something they can never take away. No matter what they tell you..." Y/N felt his cheeks heat up as Anthony placed his arm on his shoulder, staring deep into his eyes as he sang, "Raise a glass to the four of us. Tomorrow there'll be more of us. Telling the story of tonight."
"They'll tell the story of tonight," Y/N sang, feeling a pang of disappointment when he had to walk away from Anthony.
"Raise a glass to freedom, something they can never take away,"
"No matter what they tell you,"
"Raise a glass to the four of us," Y/N felt his cheeks heat up as Anthony sang, gazing deep into his eyes.
"Tomorrow there'll be more of us," they sang together, arms wrapped around his shoulders, "Telling the story of tonight."
"They'll tell the story of tonight." they finished singing, staring deep into each others eyes.
'It's John Laurens. It's John Laurens. It's not Anthony. It's John Laurens. God, John Laurens was probably hot though-' Y/N repeated in his head in an attempt to calm himself down.
Clearing his throat, Y/N pulled away as the music finished, their cheeks burning hot.
"That was great," Anthony exclaimed, sending Y/N a bright smile.
"Thanks," he whispered, "I understand the term eye f*cking now."
Anthony laughed, making butterflies swarm in Y/N's stomach, "Seriously, you did great. I-I forgot how good of a singer you were."
"Heh, thanks. Yo-you did great too."
The two stared at each other as a comfortable silence settled around them, small, content smiles on their faces. Y/N actually felt calm around him for once, as if his heart wasn't racing at the speed of light from just making eye contact with him before.
A moment passed, when Anthony's hands began fidgeting again. A slightly nervous look flashed on his face, when he opened his mouth to speak, "Y/N, I never got-"
Whatever Anthony could've said was quickly interrupted by the door bursting open. The pair looked up to see a very stressed looking man standing in the door frame, a small sigh of relief leaving his mouth when he saw Anthony.
"Ant, thank goodness," he sighed, walking through the door to come closer toward Anthony, "We have a problem."
"Can it wait, Ryan?" Anthony asked, trying to hide the annoyance in his tone, failing horribly.
Ryan huffed, "Unless you wanna go out on stage with a hole in your costume."
Sighing, Anthony faced Y/N, "I guess I'll talk to you later."
Y/N just nodded, trying not to let the disappointment show in his expression.
Walking toward the door with Ryan, Anthony turned back around to face Y/N, "You did great by the way," was all he could say before he was practically dragged the door, the loud slam preventing him from saying anything else.
Y/N sighed as he was left alone in the large, quiet room.
'Thanks, but it's not that hard to pretend that I like you.' Y/N thought, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, as if that would cure all of the stresses he was feeling.
Now wasn't exactly the best time to come to some sort of terms with his feelings.
______
"Sorry for interrupting you two, I-I had no idea you were rehearsing together."
Anthony sighed, before sending Ryan an apologetic smile, "Don't worry about it. We had pretty much finished up, and the only thing I would've done in there if I had been there any longer would be make a fool out of myself."
Ryan raised an eyebrow, somehow still keeping his focus on the tear he was fixing up in Anthony's costume, "So you two were just rehearsing in there?"
A confused look found it's way on Anthony's face, "Yeah?" he answered, though it came out as more of a question, "What else could we be doing?"
"Anthony, I grew up reading Wattpad fanfiction, I could make a list on what you two could've been doing." Ryan explained, a small smirk on his face.
"Gross," Anthony mumbled with a roll of his eyes, ignoring the way his heart rate sped up.
"I'm just saying that it seems like there's something more going on between you two."
Anthony sighed, "Y/N... No, I-I doubt he sees me that way. Plus, he probably doesn't want to get into a relationship with one of his coworkers."
Ryan huffed in frustration, "Whatever. Your costume's fixed."
"Oh, thanks man," Anthony said, stepping away as he offered a thankful smile toward Ryan.
"My pleasure. Also, my job." he added, pursing his lips, before his tone went slightly more serious, "But seriously, you should talk to him more."
"Ryan-" Anthony sighed, before getting cut off.
"I'm serious, Anthony. You don't have to marry them, just talk to him more."
Sighing, Anthony sent a sarcastic smile toward Ryan, "You're very annoying, you know that."
Ryan shrugged, "I'm persistent."
______
Y/N anxiously approached Anthony as he was waiting near the stage.
"Hey," he said, greeting him with a nervous smile.
"Hey, Y/N/N, what's up?"
Y/N had no idea how such a simple nickname could give him so many butterflies, "Uh, I just wanted to see you before we started." Y/N instantly cringed at what he said.
'Just wanted to see you before we started? Who says that? Jeez, I can't have one conversation without being weird can I-'
"Oh, thanks Y/N. I actually wanted to see you too."
"Really?" Y/N asked, feeling their heart rate speed up.
"Yeah," he began, beginning to fidget with his hands again, "I know I said that we should just separate ourselves from our characters for the performance, but..."
"But what?" Y/N asked, waiting for Anthony to finish his sentence.
Anthony sighed, shaking his head quickly before forcing a smile, "Never mind, break a leg out there."
Y/N nodded, a rush of nervousness and excitement filling their body when the lights began to dim, "You too." he whispered, before turning around to leave.
______
Though the show ran just as usual, Y/N couldn't but feel like he had done the impossible. All the scenes he'd use to dread, all the eye contact he would use to somehow subtly avoid all the time, he had made it through like it was nothing. Was he having the biggest gay panic on the inside? Of course. But did anyone else know that? No. And that was good enough for Y/N.
Y/N quickly made his way back to the dressing room, not wanting to run into any of the cast members that would most definitely want to question him about the scenes he did with Anthony, and he somehow got through them so calmly, something they had never seen before.
With the door of the change room locked, Y/N finally undressed from their costume. They sighed peacefully, finally having a moment to breathe without being stressed out, or without being interrupted by someone-
Y/N's shoulders slumped in disappointment at the sound of the knock at the door. He hung the costume on the rack and walked over toward the hanger, placing it on the rack. While slipping into their pair of jeans, he finally asked: "Who is it?"
"Anthony." he answered back.
Y/N instantly felt heat rise to their cheeks, eyes widened. In a state of panic, they harshly gripped onto the metal clothes rack, which resulted in their hand slipping and falling to the ground, their head hitting the metal with a 'thud'.
"Shit," they hissed, groaning as they quickly tried standing up.
"Everything ok?" Anthony asked, the concern clear in his voice.
Y/N's eyes widened as they saw the handle shaking, looking down at their bare chest, "Yeah! Everything... everything's good. I, uh..." they squeezed their eyes shut, rubbing the back of their as they tried thinking up an answer, "Do you... do you mind coming back later?"
"Oh, sure. You sure you're all good though?"
"Uh-huh." Y/N uttered quickly, looking around the room for their shirt. With no response, Y/N sighed in relief when they figured Anthony had left.
When they found their shirt crinkled up on the floor, they picked it up with a frown, but wore it nonetheless. Fortunately, they had remembered their hoodie, which would thankfully cover the crinkled mess of a shirt they wore. With their things packed up in their duffle bag, Y/N proceeded to exit the change room, opening the door to be face to face with Jasmine, who had a bright smile on her face, despite most likely being exhausted, “Oh hey Jazzy, what’s up?”
”Just wanted to say that you did great out there!” she gushed, making Y/N smile even more.
"Thanks, Jazzy. You were too."
Jasmine chuckled, "Thanks, but I meant you did great with Anthony."
Y/N's heart skipped a beat at the mention of him, pretty much knowing what Jasmine was going to ask, "Wh-what?"
"You know, with all the intense, loving staring you guys had to do. To act that calm whilst your crush is staring at you like he's secretly in love with you is pure talent. I thought you would've fainted from the way he was looking at you." she explained, shrugging slightly.
"Wait, what? Y-you think I'm into him?" Y/N asked, stepping inside the door frame more.
Jasmine nodded slowly, squinting at the man in front of her, "You mean you're not?"
"No!" Y/N cried, the crack in their voice telling Jasmine everything she needed to know.
"Right..." she mumbled, before turning around to call Pippa and Renee who were chatting just down the hall, "You guys think that Y/N likes Anthony, right?"
"Think?" Pippa asked, a confused look on her face.
"Who doesn't?" Renee asked, her expression matching Pippa's.
"What?!" Y/N demanded, his voice raising eight octaves higher.
"Oh, come on, you're not exactly subtle about it," Jasmine explained, a small smile on her face.
"Ye-yes I am!" Y/N stammered, his grip on the bag strap tightening.
"You're always so flustered around him."
“No I’m not!”
”It’s ok Y/N,” Renee began, “I’m sure there’s tons of people who like him the same way.”
”Bu-but I don’t-“
“Y/N?”
Y/N jumped, poking their head through the door space to see Anthony standing in the hall.
”Hey,” they replied, ignoring how Jasmine, Renee and Pippa stared at them with wide smiles.
”Um, can I talk to you? I-if you guys are done…?”
The women in front of Y/N all nodded happily, before walking off, smirking at Y/N and Anthony, despite the hard glare Y/N sent them.
When they were out of Y/N’s sight, he walked fully through the door space, greeting Anthony with a smile, “What’s up?”
”Y/N, I have something to tell you." Anthony began. Y/N couldn't help but notice his hands fidgeting together again. It had to be a nervous thing.
"What's up?"
”Um…” he mumbled, looking around at all the people walking through the halls, bustling to get out of the building, “Do you mind if we go somewhere more private?”
Y/N’s cheeks instantly heated up, but instantly suppressed those thoughts and gave a small nod, letting Anthony lead the way outside and behind the building. It was dark, the only light provided was the fading light bulb in the street lamp. Though Y/N was still able to make out Anthony’s face and all the gorgeous, gorgeous freckles that covered it. Y/N would’ve felt unsafe if it weren’t for Anthony. Despite almost never talking to him, he had formed some sort of bond with him during the performance and rehearsal time.
”So,” Y/N began, rocking their heels on the ground, swaying slightly, “What do you need?”
Anthony felt his heart rate speed up. He couldn’t even describe how adorable that one simple thing was to him. But he knew he needed to tell Y/N before anything else happened. With a deep breath, he spoke, "Lin... never told me you were nervous about those scenes."
"What?" Y/N's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as his feet stopped rocking.
"I... I kinda just wanted to do that scene with you, not in front of hundreds of people for once. Just with you."
Y/N just stared at him, his head tilted to the side in confusion.
‘Fuck he looks adorable like that,’ Anthony thought.
“Why?"
"Because, we never talk. We never hang out. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me."
"I just don’t understand… you could’ve just asked me. I would’ve said yes.”
Anthony sighed, “Well it’s not like you acted like you liked me.”
’Finally someone gets it!’
“You never talked to me. You always avoided me like you hated me.” Anthony explained, “I gave you my number hoping you would use it and talk to me more, but when you never did I just thought you didn’t like me.”
“Wha- I don’t hate you! I-I didn’t call you because I though you only gave me your number for work shit. I thought you only gave me your number cause you thought you had to. I didn’t talk to you because I thought you didn’t want to talk and I didn’t want to bother you! A-and I avoided you because…” Y/N trailed off, staring down at the ground, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Probably wouldn’t be the best idea to say ‘I avoided you cause I really like you and I’m afraid to be awkward and make a fool out of myself, also you’re really fucking hot and I get flustered really easily’.
”Why? Di-did I do something wrong? Why did you avoid me?”
Y/N was unable to make out Anthony's tone. He seemed frustrated, upset, and desperate at the same time somehow. Anthony's shoulders slumped in disappointment, a sad sigh leaving his mouth as he turned around to walk away. Y/N opened his mouth to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Instead, he just watched as Anthony walked about a meter away, before turning back around, meeting Y/N's eyes.
"I thought you were gonna stop me." he mumbled.
"Wait, what?"
Anthony sighed, walking toward Y/N, "I thought you were gonna stop me dramatically, like in those movies, you know?"
"Wha- what movies? What movies have you been watching?"
"You know," he began, a small smile forming on his lips, "The ones where they do this."
Y/N's heart beat so fast, he thought it would shoot out of his chest as Anthony cupped Y/N's face with his hands, gently pressing his lips onto his.
The kiss was short, barely lasting two seconds before they both pulled away, but it was still one of the best feelings either of them had ever experienced in their lives.
Y/N's cheeks flushed with heat as they met Anthony's face, "So those kinds of movies."
A/N: I swear I didn't mean to make this 4k words and 12 pages (that's a lie lol). the ending was kinda rushed, but I'm tired and it's good enough
(DO NOT PLAGARISE, TRANSLATE, MODIFY, OR REPOST ANY OF MY WORKS TO ANY OTHER PLATFORM)
buy me a coffee <3
