#handslikeheartache

[handslikeheartache]

What if the wolves have hands, and none of them are you, and none of them are yours? I have met someone I want, who wants differently than me. I am the only one who wants to be torn open. I will not try to change them. I will cry with my first child about all the people who could have loved us both. I will teach them the things I wanted them to learn from someone else, I hope I wrote down enough notes about having strong hands that are gentle; how to fix. I am sorry you don’t have their green eyes, bright like amber. What if the wolves have hands and none of them are you and none of them are yours and I am torn open and you are whole? Will you acknowledge the blood on my hands? Will you try to change me?

Bright like…

[handslikeheartache]

"Baby, there's a shark in the water," I'm the shark. I'll swallow you whole.

Mostly V V Brown.

[handslikeheartache]

Google, why does telling the truth feel like flinching? Google, why did I become sick for three days after telling a white lie? Google, why do my nerves shut down when I stress out? Google, what is wrong with me?

Google searches 1

[handslikeheartache]

The things I say to myself sound like half finished sentences, but I mean them as they are; whole. I say to myself, surprised, "Oh, I love," because it helps to remind myself that yes, I can and will and do love. I say, "I am soft," and it sounds like the simplest realization. One must understand that everything I am is meant to be considered tough and jagged edged and filled with acid. But I am none of those things, even when I want to be. I am none of those things especially when I don't want to be. I am soft. I say, "I am valid," and this is by far the most difficult thing I tell myself. Sometimes saying this feels like lying, which is valid. Sometimes the only one who finds this important to say is me, which is what matters most. The things I say to myself aren't easy, but they are almost constant. It's the most comforting I've been to myself in a very long time, and it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. "I love. I am soft. I am valid."

Reminders