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date: late october - early november 2018
warning/s: overworking, talking about mark's graduation
notes from cia: i'm finally back! watch me attempt to catch everything up to now even though the main timeline's still in 2018 💀 anyway, dialogues in italics are spoken in english
word count: 1.8k
gif not mine, found it on pinterest~
hannah has a mini crisis over her identity as dream's hannah and 127's hannah
“Jeno!” Hannah laughed at Jeno’s sigh of relief when he saw her appear in front of him.
“Hannah, Thank God! Doyoung hyung, Mark hyung, and Haechan, they’re all making me sing their–”
“So fly, so hot,” Hannah sang into her mic, effectively interrupting Jeno, before placing her mic right in front of his mouth. Jeno gave her a look while continuing her lines, laughing while mouthing the words with him to help guide him.
“That was not cool,” he sighed while shrugging his coat off as soon as another member of 127 started singing.
“It was funny,” she smiled at him as his coat ended up resting on her shoulders and around her. She pulled it tighter around her, blocking the October air from reaching her skin through her short and thin clothes.
The company had decided to dress her in a short green velvet dress over a sheer chiffon black button down rather than a black shirt and green velvet suit like the rest of NCT 127. The company said something about capitalizing on her feminine charms to stand out from BTS who, although do make a point of making it known Miya was a girl, dress their female member simply in line with the concept
This was a decision she was all for because she loved the outfits they pitched for her for Regular, but her members were right when they pointed out she’d have to face the autumn elements.
“Any more laughs from you,” Jeno secured his coat at her front, “and I’m taking away your source of warmth.”
“You wouldn’t do that.”
Jeno shook his head, looking towards the rest of the members. “No, I wouldn’t. Hey, are you sleeping in the Dream dorms tonight? Because, well, Jaemin said he wanted to try cooking something and needed to know the head count before we come home. Renjun said you’d be there, but you didn’t tell me?”
“Hold that thought,” she patted his cheek before looking towards Mark, who made his way to her.
The two roommates successfully sandwiched Jeno in between their rap part, getting him to dance along with them. Jeno couldn’t do anything when Haechan came and blocked him from behind, trapping him between the three Dream/127 members.
Never once did the smile disappear from Hannah’s face. Yes, getting first place with 127 was amazing, but the energy was just different when she was surrounded by Dream. Like Johnny had noted, the aura of the three 127 maknaes changed whenever they were in Dream. For her, Dream has always been her home.
The lights in the practice room buzzed faintly above Hannah’s head, casting a dim glow over the glossy floor. She was sprawled across the center of the practice room floor, pulse racing as she finished running through the choreography for both “Simon Says” and “Regular” despite still promoting just the latter song. The pressure she felt months ago was starting to build up once again. How is it that she’s done technically two Korean 127 comebacks, a Japanese one, and is preparing for another Korean comeback when she hasn’t even been in 127 for a year yet.
But there was something else. It felt like something in her was shifting, and she didn’t know if she liked it.
When she did “Touch”, it felt natural to her because it fit in with the usual playful demeanor she had adapted to while performing with Dream. It was comfortable. Even “Regular” had a bit of that playfulness as well, but in a cooler way. When it came to “Simon Says”, well, each sharp movement matched with the cold stares she had been instructed to give started to make her wonder if she’d lose that bit of whimsy that she was fond of from growing up with Dream.
A soft knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts. Without waiting for a reply, Jaemin slipped inside, his usual bright smile dimmed as he took in her exhausted form.
“Hey,” he sat down next to her sprawled out form, lightly patting her stomach, “Mark hyung said you weren’t home yet, so I decided to come check on you. Why are you still here?”
“Just getting some extra practice in,” she murmured, eyes closing for a moment.
Jaemin looked at her, observing her carefully. He knew something was taking up her ,ind, which was probably why she was constantly in the practice room. Though it wasn’t as bad as it was a few months ago, it was still concerning.
“Mhmm, like yesterday, and every day in the past week.” Jaemin gently pulled on her arm to have her sit up and cross her legs so they could face each other. “What’s up, Little Na? And don’t lie to me, we’ve known each other for long enough. I can tell there’s something in that pretty little head of yours bothering you.”
She gave him a tight-lipped smile as he poked her in the middle of her forehead. “I don’t know, Nana. I used to be so worried about not fitting in with the 127 oppas, you know? But now that I’ve been mostly working with them this year, and everyone’s telling me that I’m slipping into the mold easily, I’m kinda… scared?”
“Scared of what?”
“That I’m losing my whimsy. The part of me that makes me fit in with Dream.”
There was a brief moment of silence where Hannah’s words sunk into both of them. Then, without warning, Jaemin thumped Hannah on the side of her head.
“What the hell, Jaemin?!”
“You’re overthinking again,” he shook his head, a small smile on his face. “Hannah, you’re still you, you know that, right? Just because you’re broadening your concepts doesn’t mean you can’t do the old ones. It’s like us doing “Go” then “We Go Up”. Besides, Fans love you as Hannah, whether you’re being cute or cool or chic or whatever. Besides, glare at the camera and wear all the leather you want, Czennies will still find you cute.”
She rolled her eyes, laughing a little. “Now you’re just making fun of me.”
“Always,” he smiled before grabbing her hand, squeezing it. “But if you feel like this, don’t take it out on yourself like this, okay? Talk to us. We’re right here.”
This earned a nod from her.
“Good.” Jaemin stood up then helped her up as well. “Now let’s get you back to your dorm before Mark hyung starts to worry. Well, more than he already is.”
It was dark in the Lee siblings dorm when Hannah was dropped off by Jaemin, but the faint smell of re-heated dumplings met her as soon as she stepped through the door. She dropped her bag by the coffee table in the common area and looked up to find Mark hunched over his laptop on the dining table, already dressed for bed in his sweats and a random shirt, and hair messy like he’s been running his hands through his hair. His phone was propped up against a bottle of water next to his laptop, and his earphones were on.
As she walked towards him, he looked up. His eyebrows furrowed before he glanced towards his phone.
“Give me a second, Hannah just arrived.” He paused for a moment as if waiting for a response before looking up at Hannah and removing one of his earphones. “Hey, Hans. You’re back late. You okay?”
“I’m good, just practiced a bit more. You talking to Yoonmi?” Hannah tried to distract Mark, noticing his concerned look.
“Yeah,” Mark turned his phone so Hannah could wave to the younger girl. “She’s saying to tell you to eat and drink electrolytes. I have dumplings for you in the microwave.”
She smiled and walked to the kitchen, the sounds of Mark talking to his girlfriend fading to the background as she approached the microwave, grabbing a pair of disposable chopsticks and just taking the disposable tray of dumplings, not bothering to transfer them to a proper plate. She couldn’t be bothered to wash dishes tonight.
When she stepped out of the kitchen, she found Mark sitting on the couch expectantly, gadgets turned off, and a space next to him that she knew he cleared out for her. She sighed, moving to sit next to him and putting a dumpling in her mouth.
“Weren’t you talking to your girlfriend?”
“We were on call,” Mark began, pouring Hannah a cup of water, “for an hour and a half. That’s about two hours since we left the practice room. You’ve been pushing yourself too hard Hans. Again.”
His words, though not much behind them, seemed to hit her hard. Maybe it was the fact that the one who matched her perfectionism was calling her out?
“I don’t know,” she mumbled in between bites. “I’ve been a little worried lately. The more everyone says I’ve adapted to 127, the more I feel like I’m losing Dream’s Hannah. Is that weird?”
Mark shook his head, draping an arm behind her on the couch and lightly patting her head, a rare display of brotherly affection. “It’s not weird. It’s not completely the same, but I’ve been having thoughts along those lines.”
She looked up at him in surprise. “You have?”
He just nodded, staring at the wall like he was deep in thought. “I’m about to graduate from Dream. Dream has been my first team since SM Rookies. We were even supposed to Debut before 127. It’s always been my default home, but now? It feels a little like I’m leaving it behind.”
That was unexpected. Mark has never really opened up that easily to her, taking his role as her pseudo-older brother seriously. But for him to admit that to her… It must have been weighing on his mind for a while. And she didn’t even notice.
“I don’t want you to go,” she whispered, barely audible.
His hand moved to rest on her shoulder. “I don’t want to leave, either.”
They stayed like that for a while—no words, no pressure to fix anything. Just the quiet comfort of knowing they weren’t alone in their fears.
After a minute or so of silence and quietly comforting each other, Mark let out a soft laugh. “You do know Johnny hyung’s gonna get all naggy now that you’re overworking yourself again, right?”
A laugh slipped from her as well as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “Doie oppa already chewed my ear off last week when he dragged me out of the practice room. It was 8PM, it wasn’t even that late!”
“Also look at this,” Mark showed her his phone holding messages from Taeyong, all variants of asking if she’s eaten or rested.
“Ugh,” she gave a playful groan, “127 is just a bunch of dads.”
“Only because the hyungs care,” Mark laughs.
The truth of the statement settled in her, easing the ache in her chest by just a bit. Sure, she still had her worries about the inevitable change, but it was okay. She had Dream and 127 by her side.
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