What are the important elements related to a solemn ritual in which is the core of a festival?
The 4 main items are Harae 祓え, Misogi 禊, Norito 祝詞, and Naorai 直会.
“Purification, called “harae” in Japanese, is essential in Shinto because mental and physical purity are deemed of utmost importance before the kami. Purification is intended to recover mental and physical purify by removing all pollution, unrighteousness and evils.”
Typically for personal prayers salted water is often omitted during the Harae, but the presence of the Ōnusa remains consistent.
“The Japanese people have traditionally believed that they can purify and revitalize themselves by letting bad things flow away with water. This belief has led to the expression of “let’s throw bad things into water” or “let bygones be bygones,” 水に流す even if they don’t actually do the Misogi purification with water, and to a non-vindictive attitude towards the bad relations or events of the past.”
Priests and devout followers will usually purify in a river, or the sea. The simplest version is washing the hands and the mouth, at shrines this is done at the temizuya.
“…according to an ancient belief, beautiful, correct wording will bring about good, whereas ugly, ill-chosen language can cause evil. This belief is based on the concept of kotodama 言霊 which means that words have spiritual power. Thus, the prayers are expressed in the elegant, classical language.”
Personally I don’t think the kami have any issues with language, but the continued used of Classical Japanese in norito is something that will remain regardless. And it’s a good idea to learn how to recite the norito in their native tongue if you’re using them.
“The difference between such prayers and the sutra-chanting in Buddhism is that in the latter, neither bonzes nor believers can change the fixed wordings of the sutras, while in Shinto prayers the priests are free to compose their own if they so wish, though they can use model prayers drafted and compiled by the JInja Honchō (Association of Shinto Shrines) when necessary.”
Order of prayers: Open with words of praise to the kami, reference the origins of the festival/ritual, list the offerings, express gratitude, make requests to the kami, close with words of respect.
The naorai is the banquet at the end of prayers, due to covid a lot of shrines actually stopped doing these. And depending on the prayers you’re doing it’s still not quite back in full use if you aren’t a parishioner of the shrine. As described in A Year in the Life of Shinto Shrine, it’s a way for followers to return to the mundane after a high tension ritual.
Mikoshi (shin-yo) 神輿 and Dashi 山車
“Photo A shows a portable shrine (mikoshi/shin-yo) and photo B. Shows floats (dashi). The portable shrine (mikoshi/shin-yo) is a planquin usually in the shape of a small shrine, on which the kami spirits ride and move in a festival (matsuri). It is usually shouldered by many people, but sometimes is carried by a truck. Several portable shrines will parade the streets in a big festival.
The float (dashi) is a low platform on wheels with various decorations to be carried in a festival, and the floats of Gion-matsuri (called Yamaboko 山鉾) are most famous. The float is also called danjiri ダンジリ in Osaka.”
Rituals for protection from misfortune 厄除祭
“These rituals are performed at Shinto shrines to ward off misfortunes at critical ages at the request of the visitors. The critical ages are generally 25 and 42 for men, and 19 and 33 for women by the traditional Japanese system of reckoning ages ①, being considered at which people should be careful because they may often have misfortunes. The critical ages were originally advocated by Onyōdō (Onmyōdō), influenced by Chinese way of Yin and Yang, while nowadays people visit Shinto shrines to ask for prayer to prevent misfortunes in those ages.”
① In this system they are one year old at birth, adding one year every New Year
World of Our Own | Harry Styles Uni AU | Chapter 7
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LISTEN TO ALONE JESSIE WARE
Say that you're the one who's taking me home
'Cause I want you on my skin and my bones
Knocking me off my feet
Just say I'm the one that you need (oh, please)
Say that you're the one who's taking me home
So I can get you alone
INSTAGRAMS
Word Count 7.7K
Rae sat alone at the dining table. It had been twelve days since the boys left for Easter, which meant it had been twelve days since Rae turned twenty. They’d all stayed to celebrate her birthday with her, even though she’d told them they really didn’t have to. They wanted to, they’d insisted, so they stayed. Harry baked a salted caramel cake and Louis made his mozzarella chicken, before they all slowly left to spend the two weeks of Easter break at home.
Australia was a long way to go for two weeks, not to mention expensive, so Rae made the decision to stay in Brighton. Her mum had been a little sad when she told her family she wouldn’t be going home, especially when it meant she also wouldn’t be home for her birthday for the first time ever. She got over it eventually and seemed to brighten when Rae told her the boys had all hung around for her birthday and even made a cake and dinner for her. Even her dad hadn’t grumbled at the mention of the four boys she lived with the way he normally did.
Rae had never minded being on her own. She liked her own company and she found she got way more done when she wasn’t distracted by movie night, or quiz night at the pub, or drinks on a Friday. However, she couldn’t deny she missed her housemates. It was eerily quiet without them and it wasn’t until the hot water wouldn’t come on that she realised she was entirely alone in Brighton. Every single one of her friends had gone home, including those she didn’t live with.
Luckily, Rae knew someone who could help with the hot water situation otherwise she didn’t know what she’d have done. They’d been messaging over the Easter break the same way they had done over Christmas, only without the time difference it was a lot easier and far more enjoyable. Neither of them had to fight sleep to text one another and Harry would check in every morning and every evening to make sure she was ok, as well as in between, just because. It bought a smile to Rae’s face everytime, she couldn’t help the fluttery feeling it caused inside her.
H the hot water’s not working, I don’t know what to do, helppp meeeeee
Haha calm down, I bought you a book for that
Harry I really want a hot shower I have not got time for a book
I was joking love, give me five I’ve just got out the shower then I’ll facetime you might be easier?
Sounds good thank you
Rae sat alone at the dining table. It had been twelve days since the boys left for Easter, which meant it had been twelve days since Rae turned twenty. They’d all stayed to celebrate her birthday with her, even though she’d told them they really didn’t have to. They wanted to, they’d insisted, so they stayed. Harry baked a salted caramel cake and Louis made his mozzarella chicken, before they all slowly left to spend the two weeks of Easter break at home.
Australia was a long way to go for two weeks, not to mention expensive, so Rae made the decision to stay in Brighton. Her mum had been a little sad when she told her family she wouldn’t be going home, especially when it meant she also wouldn’t be home for her birthday for the first time ever. She got over it eventually and seemed to brighten when Rae told her the boys had all hung around for her birthday and even made a cake and dinner for her. Even her dad hadn’t grumbled at the mention of the four boys she lived with the way he normally did.
Rae had never minded being on her own. She liked her own company and she found she got way more done when she wasn’t distracted by movie night, or quiz night at the pub, or drinks on a Friday. However, she couldn’t deny she missed her housemates. It was eerily quiet without them and it wasn’t until the hot water wouldn’t come on that she realised she was entirely alone in Brighton. Every single one of her friends had gone home, including those she didn’t live with.
Luckily, Rae knew someone who could help with the hot water situation otherwise she didn’t know what she’d have done. They’d been messaging over the Easter break the same way they had done over Christmas, only without the time difference it was a lot easier and far more enjoyable. Neither of them had to fight sleep to text one another and Harry would check in every morning and every evening to make sure she was ok, as well as in between, just because. It bought a smile to Rae’s face everytime, she couldn’t help the fluttery feeling it caused inside her.
H the hot water’s not working, I don’t know what to do, helppp meeeeee
Haha calm down, I bought you a book for that
Harry I really want a hot shower I have not got time for a book
I was joking love, give me five I’ve just got out the shower then I’ll facetime you might be easier?
Sounds good thank you
Harry called her from his bedroom, his hair black from being washed, but pushed back away from his face as always. Every now and again a single lock fell down and curled over his forehead, but he’d always push it back. Rae could tell he was reclined on his bed, he had his arm stretched behind his head showing of the bulging biceps she always forgot he had. She couldn’t help but flick her eyes to it from his face every now and again.
As Rae knew he would, Harry sorted the water problem within minutes. It was a simple fix and one Rae probably could have figured out herself if she hadn’t wanted to talk to Harry. When he suggested facetiming and her stomach flipped, she was so glad she hadn’t put any brain power into trying to figure it out herself.
The water was fixed but the call didn’t end. Harry moved the conversation on asking her how her day had been and what she’d been up to while they’d been away, even though he already knew from their daily messaging exactly how she’d been keeping herself busy. It didn’t matter though they still found things to talk about for hours, until it became too late for Rae to even consider having a shower.
After that night, in the first week of the Easter holidays, they’d facetimed virtually every night. She facetimed with Niall as well once or twice, but the calls never lasted as long as Harry’s did. Rae would make a cup of tea, help herself to one of the Anzac biscuits she’d found in Sainsburys and not been able to leave behind, and head up to her bedroom to sit on her bed and talk to Harry until one of them was too tired to carry on.
Rae had absolutely no idea what was going on. She recognised all of the signs in herself, the force of habit smiling at his name, voice, messages, the way she was doing anything to pass time in between talking to him and finding any reason to message him. However, she could only guess if Harry was doing the same, or feeling the same. If he was missing being around her the same way she missed having him around.
That morning, Rae hadn’t yet had any contact from Harry. It was rolling around to midday, normally she woke up to a text from him - he was an early riser she knew that much for certain, but today nothing. She tried not to think too much into it. It was the Easter holidays, he was probably spending time with family, or having a lie in. Even so she took herself of upstairs to shower, leaving her phone on the kitchen table unattended, in hope that when she came back to it she’d have a message.
Spring was on the verge of breaking through. The house wasn’t so chilly anymore but even so Rae padded around the place in fluffy socks, leggings and hoodies. However, without the boys there she stripped off in her bedroom and wandered to the bathroom with just her towel wrapped around her to save her warm clothes getting damp in the small bathroom space.
That morning was no different, she kicked her socks off before sliding her leggings over her legs and slipping from the hoodie she was wearing. She piled her overly thick, verging on black hair, on top of her head in a messy bun before wrapping her thick, fluffy purple towel around herself and wandering back down the hallway to the bathroom.
The bathroom was always the coldest room of the house. Louis insisted leaving the window open to stop the steam building up and ruining the walls, but even though she’d had the window closed since he’d been away, it was still freezing. Rae turned the shower on and let the room flood with steam before she dropped her towel and stepped into the tub.
It was as she stepped in that she heard a strange, almost crashing sound. She creased her eyebrows for a second, listening for any other sound but nothing came so she shrugged it off and stepped fully into the bath, checking the water temperature with the palm of her hand before getting under the stream. It was then that she heard the follow up noise, footsteps and crashing sounds.
Rae felt her heart beat double in speed inside her chest. Her hands began to shake. She quickly turned the shower off going as quiet as she could. Her mind was going a mile a minute but not a single thought was rational. It was an intruder, a burglar, someone who had been watching the house and had seen she was alone. Thoughts turned to her phone, but it was downstairs awaiting a text from Harry. She cursed herself for it and quietly shuffled back away from the shower head to step out of the bath.
The floor creaked underneath her feet and she stopped dead wincing as it did so. She didn’t hear another sound from downstairs following it so she grabbed her towel quickly and wrapped it around herself. The noises from downstairs had ceased, but still she felt like she should go and check the house, see if she could find a rational, safe, explanation for it.
Rae didn’t even bother to dry herself before she slid the bathroom door open as slowly and quietly as she could before creeping out of the bathroom. She looked around the upstairs hallway tentatively, before taking a sneaky step down onto the stair case.
‘Hello?’ She called trying to peer over the bannister as she did so, but nothing came in return not even a whisper or footsteps. Suddenly she was regretting watching Taken the night before while she ate her dinner. Suddenly she was regretting not taking her clothes into the bathroom with her as she crept down the stairs in just her towel. ‘Hello?’ Rae called again taking the last step down into the hallway.
Rae tiptoed around the banister looking down to the kitchen door. It was shut. She hadn’t shut it. Her heart beat sped up again and she continued to creep down the hallway. At the back of her mind she could feel herself shouting at herself ‘don’t open the door.’ That’s what everyone said to the girl in the scary movie, but even so Rae continued to tiptoe towards the kitchen, reaching out for the closed door to push it open.
‘Hello?’ She called again before punching the door open and quickly jumping back in case something horrid was on the other side. The scream left her mouth before she could process the four faces on the other side were familiar, friendly ones.
‘Fuck me.’ Harry exclaimed, his eyes wide as he took her in, her minimal ‘clothing’ making it hard for Harry to look anywhere else. ‘You alright love?’
‘What the fuck are you doing? You’re not meant to be back for two days.’ She announced holding onto her chest as she calmed her breath down. ‘You scared the fucking shit out of me your arse holes, a heads up wouldn’t have gone a miss y’know.’ She scalded taking a deep breath.
‘We wanted to surprise you.’ Louis chuckled.
‘Well you succeeded, and potentially gave me a minor heart attack so congratulations.’ Rae laughed still holding her chest. ‘Why did you want to surprise me?’
‘Well we weren’t really here properly for your birthday so wanted to come back early and celebrate.’ Niall explained, a humoured smile on his face. ‘We can go if you’d rather?’ Rae was suddenly acutely aware she was stood in front of them in just a towel that didn’t even reach her knee. Her skin was wet, sparkling with drops of water as she stood in the kitchen doorway, calming down and taking them all in.
‘No, no, thank you, that’s lovely, thank you.’ Rae smiled at each of them, looking from face to face, but dropping her eyes when she saw Harry, the coy smile that flashed over her face, impossible to keep at bay. ‘I’m erm, I’m going to go shower now if that’s ok?’ Niall chuckled and nodded before Rae turned and trotted back up the stairs, feeling completely flustered from Harry’s gaze. That hadn’t happened before.
Rae showered as quickly as she could, drying off in the bathroom and flitting back to her bedroom in her towel to get dressed. Her black jeans were in a pile on the floor and she pulled them on following her underwear before grabbing an oversized pink shirt, that she’d bought in a charity shop, from her wardrobe. She tied it at her waist, so it sat just above the waistband of her jeans and did up a couple of buttons over her chest to save her some modestly. She didn’t bother with her hair on any make up, that could wait, and anyway she doubted the day held much apart from mooching around inside.
As she got back downstairs she could hear chat in the kitchen, but the creaking of the hallway floorboards gave her away and it quickly went silent. She chuckled to herself, pushing the door open in a much gentler way that she had earlier. She was looking down at her feet for the single step down into the kitchen once the door was open.
‘SURPRISE.’ The loud chorus of boys voices, made her shoot her head back up, a large, toothy grin on her face. Rae chuckled to herself shaking her head at her four roommates, each of them looking back at her with smiles that matched her own, stood around the head of the table, two helium balloons that read happy birthday either side of them, a banner across the bulkhead above the fridge and a cake, with lit candles, on the table.
‘See this is how it was meant to happen.’ Louis whispered and Rae chuckled again lifting her hand to cover her mouth and feeling a little emotional at the effort they’d gone to. ‘Happy Birthday Rae.’ Louis smiled, the first to take the steps forward to hug her.
‘It’s not my birthday.’ Rae laughed into Louis’ shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him.
‘Yes it is ok, let's pretend.’ Again, Rae chuckled. She never expected such a display from them, she didn’t expect them to hang around for her actual birthday but this was really pushing the boat out.
‘Thank you guys, you’re the best.’ Rae smiled moving forward to the other boys to give them each a grateful hug in turn. Saving Harry to last, the way she always found she did. When she was finally in his arms she could have melted into him. His strong, yet subtle scent, that wasn’t just his aftershave, engulfed her in the same way his embrace did. She really had missed him.
‘Blow your candles out, the cakes going to get all waxy.’ Harry encouraged as he let her out of his arms and she turned. He left his arm draped over her shoulder though, standing to her side, neither of them aware they were equally delighted to be back in each others presence. Rae bent to blow the candles out, loud cheers bouncing around the room when they all went out.
‘We got something for you.’ Harry told her quietly, but loud enough that everyone turned to look at him. Rae snapped her head up to him too, but as always he was already looking down at her. His face was slightly shadowed by the Breton cap she loved on him, and his lips were the tiniest bit turned up at the corner. Harry slid his arm down from Rae and he scooted around her, her eyes following him the whole while. ‘It was meant to be here for your birthday, but it didn’t come in time.’ Harry explained and Rae narrowed her eyes at him confused and full of butterflies.
‘Sit down.’ Niall encouraged pulling out her chair for her. Rae looked at them all cautiously, knowing excited smiles on their faces, before she took the seat.
‘What’s going on?’ She asked nervously as Harry came back into the kitchen carrying a huge, almost triangular box. Harry slid it onto the table in front of her before taking his own seat opposite her, the way it had always been.
‘Happy birthday.’ Harry chimed, the softest, sweetest smile on his face, like he couldn’t wait for her to see what was inside.
‘Open it.’ Niall pushed with a chuckle as Rae stared down at the impressively, neatly, wrapped gift. She took a breath and began pulling at the paper, sliding her fingers along the opening before pushing the paper away from the cardboard box underneath. It was completely blank giving away nothing about what was inside it. Rae rose on her chair, tucking one leg underneath her so she was kneeling slightly. She picked at the tape that secured the box shut until it came free enough that she could swipe the whole piece away.
The room seemed to get somehow tense as she slipped her fingers under the lid of the box. She lifted it carefully, completely clueless to what was underneath. When she saw it though, her mouth dropped and tears were in her eyes instantly. She recognized it before the lid was even completely removed. It was battered around the edges from where it had been chucked in cars over the years, the same ‘Townsville Cowboys’ sticker was still on the base of it, peeling at the edges now but still recognisable. Rae bit her lips together before taking a deep shaky breath as she looked down at Jonah’s guitar.
No one said a thing. Rae looked the guitar over sliding her hand up the fingerboard before wrapping her hand around the neck of it and lifting it from the box, turning it around to look at the back and check she was seeing what she was really seeing. But there it was, ‘Jonah’ scratched into the wood identical to the day he’d done it with his leatherman. Rae could remember vividly how mad their dad had gone when he’d seen it. At the time she’d laughed as Jonah got a bollocking for defacing the guitar, now it made a choked sob leave her mouth and tears fall from her eyes.
‘I can’t,’ Rae choked on her words, taking a deep breath and shaking her hands a little to compose herself. She saw the sympathetic kind eyes looking towards her. Rae felt his hand take hers and rub the back of her hand, just as she felt Niall’s hand on her back. ‘I am happy I swear.’ She chuckled and they all did the same, although they already knew that. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry.’ Niall whispered rubbing his hand against her back gently.
‘I d-don’t know w-wh-wh-’ Rae choked. ‘Oh for fucks sake Rae pull yourself together.’ She heard Harry laugh as she scalded herself, and felt his hand squeeze hers gently. ‘I don’t know what to say, thank you so much, you really didn’t have to do this.’ She rambled quickly before she sobbed again.
‘We wanted to.’ She heard Liam say and she looked over to him and smiled gently, Liam returning the gesture.
‘Fuck.’ She laughed, wiping her face free of tears and looking down at the guitar again. ‘This must have cost a bomb, you really-’
‘Don’t you even dare think that, you deserve it, we wanted to do it for you.’ Louis enforced strongly reaching out to grab her spare hand, the one Harry wasn’t still holding onto across the table. Rae took another shaky breath, completely thrown by the gesture and really not at all sure what to do or say. ‘I mean you probably should play us something on it.’ Rae laughed and shook her head. ‘Come let’s hear her, we didn’t get it send all the way over here for you to stare and cry at it.’ Rae laughed again typical Louis being the one to pick the mood up. She adored him for that.
Rae took the guitar from the box, Harry’s hand retreating away so she could hold onto it, and sat back down. Niall’s arm was behind her around the chair, the way he often did, his hand nonchalantly, millimetres from her shoulder neither of them thinking anything of it. As she looked down to the strings, flicking at each string to check they were in tune, she missed the wink Niall threw to Harry, she even missed the smug grin Harry wore in response to it, before she looked up surprised to find the guitar in tune.
The day passed in a blur of birthday cake and whatever Rae fancied watching on the TV. That of course meant putting the ‘Cars’ DVD on for the at least the fiftieth time since she’d moved in, and Bondi Rescue on repeat after that. It was as they sat around the dining table enjoying their first slices of birthday cake of the day, that they let slip they had a surprise party planned for her. Of course it was Louis who had let it slip, but as he’d put it, at least it meant Liam didn’t have to drag her down to Tesco’s to get out of the house for a bit while people arrived.
Rae couldn’t believe how much effort they seemed to have gone to for her. She’d never had a birthday like it. In Australia her birthdays had been a candle in a tray of Lamingtons at boarding school, or if term had fallen so she was at home, a fry up to start the day but a busy day on the farm with dinner of her choice. The only time she’d had a party had been for her eighteenth and it had been in the village hall and filled with people, mostly, her parents age, but a few of her friends from school. It had been fun, she’d had a great night, but she had a feeling the night ahead of her was about to top it.
It had bought a smile onto her face as she stood in front of her mirror putting the final touches to her make up after getting ready into black, high waisted, wide leg jeans and a black crop top. It bought a smile to her face again as she stood surrounded by her housemates and a couple of their other friends that she was slowly getting to know through seeing them around.
Rae had her denim jacket draped over her shoulders to try and break herself from the evening chill that was beginning to creep up. The boys didn’t seem to notice it, all stood around with bare arms laughing and joking as Rae shivered amongst them. Her glass had remained topped up all night long, no one missing the opportunity to get the birthday girl a drink. It was so full then, that when she laughed, unexpectedly, at one of Louis’ jokes, through her straw the liquid bubbled up and over the edges of the cup, only causing more laughter from the group.
‘Hey Rae, happy birthday.’ The voice pulled Rae from her laugher and she turned to the voice she half recognised with a bright smile on her face and watery eyes. If she hadn’t been so high on the laughter, the smile probably would have fallen from her face, but in the circumstances it didn’t.
‘Oh hi Cal how’s it going?’ Rae smiled, turning to face Cal fully.
‘Yeah not so bad, could we talk?’ Cal asked delving his hands into his pockets.
‘I’m not sure we need to.’ Rae admitted, tilting her head to one side. ‘You got my text right?’ She added, before taking a sip of her drink through the straw. Behind her, she could hear conversation continuing, but it was quiet and she had a feeling that even though the boys were all talking they were half focused on what was going on between her and Cal.
‘Yeah I got your text, but I’m just a bit confused, I thought we had something.’ Cal explained, not hushing his voice to keep any part of their interaction private. But then, Rae thought, that seemed to be Cal all over.
‘No Cal we didn’t, I told you that, I’ve said I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression I really am, but I’m not interested.’ She told him, just like she had several times since New Year. In the end she just stopped messaging back. Though that didn’t stop Cal continuing to send messages begging her to at least try, or telling her how all his friends thought they’d be so good together. She knew they wouldn’t, but that wasn’t the only reason she didn’t want anything from him. Ever since New Years Eve, Rae had got nothing but bad feelings about Cal and she knew she had to put him straight.
‘So you’re going with him instead?’ Cal asked nodding to Harry, confirming Rae’s suspicion that attention from behind them had turned fully to their conversation with Rae’s slightly more forceful tone.
‘We’re not-’
‘It’s none of your business who I’m going with quite frankly Cal.’ Rae interrupted before Harry could finish telling Cal what was or wasn’t going on between them. As far as Rae was concerned, Cal had no right to know who she was going out with or anything about her relationship status and she didn’t want to give him that window of opportunity to find out more about her.
‘In that case, you should probably know mate.’ Cal started, twisting his head to Harry. ‘I’d suggest not getting too attached, she likes to lead people on, takes them to bed, tells them what they want then-’
‘That’s quite enough from you, it’s time you left.’ Liam interrupted. Rae felt his bulky presence move closer behind her, and it made her stand up a little straighter. She could fight her own battles.
‘I didn’t lead you on, you seem to be under the illusion that cause I offered you a place to stay so you didn’t have to walk home alone, and entertained conversation with you that, that meant I was head over heels for you.’ Rae explained, but shook her head and narrowed her eyes at Cal. That first time they met, she’d been so intrigued by his eyes, now they looked grey and cold and his gaze made her squirm. She regretted any leeway she’d given him, and anything she’d done to make him think he had a shot with her. ‘Get over yourself, no, I don’t want anything with you, I never did, just friends.’
‘I don’t do just friends with girls like you.’ Cal smirked, lifting his head, and rolling his shoulders back to make himself look as big as possible.
‘Well that’s all that’s on the table so if you can’t cope with that you need to leave cause this party is for friends only.’ Rae pointed out before beginning to turn back to her earlier circle.
‘Fuck me, you’re both as nuts as each other you des-.’
‘Get out.’ Rae snapped back, turning around to him quickly before he could even finish his sentence. Cal smirked, chuckling quietly at her. Annoyingly to her, it riled Rae. It got inside her and made her tighten her grip on her cup. ‘Leave, now.’ She spat.
‘Got your girl to fight your battles now?’ Cal chuckled looking at Harry again, like he was the one who was the dirt on the bottom of her shoe.
‘Fuck off you’re absolute scum, just go.’ Rae bit, sharper and a little louder. For a second Cal looked taken back but then he just gave her that annoyingly smug look, fully aware Rae could do nothing about it. Cal was big my no means, but he towered over her five foot five stance by a mile.
‘She’s asked you to leave.’ Harry interrupted, drawing Cal’s attention from looking Rae up and down and all but drooling over her. Rae might not be able to see, but Harry could tell Cal was getting a kick out seeing her like that and winding her up and it made Harry’s blood boil.
‘Make me.’ Cal hissed, tilting his head at Harry. Rae’s nostrils flared, this felt like the beginning of the repeat show from New Year's Eve and that was the last thing she wanted.
‘Really? Do you really want me to throw you out?’ Harry jeered, taking a step to overtake Rae and be the closest one to Cal. Rae made to grab Harry’s arm, but before she could Niall was in the way, pulling Harry back and putting himself between his best friend and public enemy number one. Or at least when it came to the residents of Number 6 Lansdowne Road.
‘It’s time for you to leave thanks.’ Niall insisted forcefully. Cal smirked and chuckled again, but finally turned to leave. Harry didn’t even look back to the group until he’d seen Cal take himself out of the side gate and down the alleyway that only led onto the road. When he turned back though, Rae looked up to him, hoping to meet his gaze but she didn’t. He was staring straight ahead, taking a single sip from his beer and not looking anywhere apart from where he was already focused.
‘I’m sorry.’ Rae practically whispered at the group, feeling annoyed at the whole situation but mostly herself, though she wasn’t really sure why.
‘It’s not your fault, that’s the way he is, did tell you he was a twat.’ Liam reminded her, taking her back to that first party that was looking more like a mistake the further she got from it than it did at the time. Rae snorted a laugh, wishing she could erase that night from her memory, and everyone else's as she looked down at her hands, clasped around her drink.
‘I’ll be back in a sec.’ Rae announced as conversation began to bubble up around her again, though Harry remained silent. Out of the corner of her eye though, she thought she saw him look at her before she turned away from the group and began heading for the back door.
Rae pushed her way through the kitchen, and those who had found reverie from the chill outside, and headed up to her bedroom. She didn’t even bother turning the bedroom light on, just sat herself on the edge of the bed and fell back with a deep sigh. The door slowly shut behind her, blocking out any residual light from the hallway until she was bathed in complete darkness.
A shaky breath left her mouth. She felt like a complete idiot. At heart Rae was overwhelmingly optimistic, and a people pleaser. No matter what, she always saw the good in everyone else, and the fault in herself. Despite how gross Cal had been, she felt guilty for talking to him the way she did, but more than that for getting into a situation where her friends had to stand in front of her before things got messy.
Now she was alone she could admit that to herself. And also admit that she felt sad, the way she did every year on her birthday at some point. The optimistic part of her was deeply enveloped in her personality, even when she felt down, she tried to see the bright side of it. There was a time though when she realised it was ok to feel upset about things sometimes, and sometimes she had to give into that for her own sanity if nothing else.
‘You ok?’ The easily distinguishable Irish accent drew Rae quickly from her downturning thoughts. Rae pushed herself up as Niall turned the bedroom light on, making her wince a little as her eyes had gotten used to the darkness where she’d been laid in it for a little while.
‘Yeah just feel like I look a bit of an idiot,’ Rae admitted, crossing her legs underneath her, holding onto her toes. Rae’s eyes followed Niall as he came to sit down next to her, Niall looking to her once he’d done so. ‘I shouldn’t have let him get under my skin like that.’ She sighed and looked back down at her lap.
‘Anyone would have done the same.’ Niall told her, but Rae just shrugged. It didn’t matter what Niall said, she still felt guilty for both how she’d spoken to Cal and how others had to get involved. ‘Come on it’s your birthday, cheer up.’ Niall all but begged, slipping his arm over her shoulders, squeezing at the top of her arm. Rae winced a smile, but she could feel it building up inside her. When it came down to it, and Rae knew it really, the guilt was nothing compared to how much she missed her brother.
She missed him everyday, she woke up and for a few seconds, even four years on, she’d forget, but then she’d remember and she’d sink for a moment. Then she’d pull herself together, remind herself it was always getting easier and always getting better and get on with her day. On her birthday, on his birthday, on their mum or dad or sister’s birthdays, on Christmas, she missed him most. There was always a hole in the day that no one else could fill, and opening his guitar, even though she was over the moon it was now with her, only reinforced that.
‘I miss him.’ Rae whispered turning her head to Niall, tears in her eyes. Niall’s face went soft, in every way it could. The gentle, cheer up, smile he’d been wearing fell, his eyes turned even kinder than they already were, and he creased his brow, the tiniest amount, before he pulled her in tight to him. For the first time since September, Rae cried, wholeheartedly, and without reservation over Jonah.
Most of the time she could smile at the memory of him, feel a little sad, but get on with it, and go about her life. But sometimes, it crashed down on her like a tsunami, and she’d finally learned that was ok and something she had to accept was just part of her life. A small part, amongst so many other things, but an important part that couldn’t be ignored or swept under the carpet of optimism.
‘It’s ok.’ Niall reassured quietly, gripping her still tighter. His hand was tight on her arm, his head leaning on hers and she didn’t feel like she had to pretend she was ok as she calmed herself down. ‘Do you want me to ask people to leave?’ Niall offered, his voice still quiet.
‘No, no, I’m fine just need a minute.’ She reassured, taking a deep breath and wiping her face free of tears. Rae sat up out of Niall’s arms, his embrace slipping away as she stood up to look in the mirror. Miraculously, and much to her surprise, Rae’s makeup had held up, but it was clear she’d been crying. She patted at her face and blinked until her eyes didn’t look so wet and raw. ‘Let’s go back down.’ Rae turned with a smile on her face, back to Niall who was already looking up at her.
‘Sure?’ Niall asked and Rae nodded, grinning brighter. Niall went to stand from the bed, pressing the heels of his hands into the mattress, making it dip from his weight as the door drifted open, freezing Niall in place and drawing Rae’s eyes to the opening door. Harry peeked around the edge of it, the hint of a smile pulling at one side of his mouth.
‘Oh sorry, I was just, sorry didn’t realise you were both,’ Harry rambled on trailing off and looking back down at the floor, beginning to pull the door closed behind him again.
‘No Harry, it’s ok, you can come in.’ Rae insisted, taking two large strides towards the door and pulling it open again before Harry could disappear behind it completely. ‘We were just talking about stuff.’ Rae explained with a smile, stepping aside so Harry could enter into her bedroom. Harry nodded at her, his smile widening a little, but she didn’t miss how he was rubbing his fingers against the palms of his hands as if searching for jumper sleeves that weren’t there. It would probably frustrate her if it wasn’t so endearing.
‘I was just coming up to make sure you were ok.’ Harry admitted, not even glancing to Niall who had now stood from the bed and was straightening his t-shirt with a knowing smile on his face that neither of them noticed, as they were both so entranced by one another. It always seemed to be the case when they were in a room together, not annoyingly, or sickeningly so, but Niall had noticed how their eyes always drifted back to one another.
‘Well, I’ll go downstairs, do you want-’
‘Wait.’ Rae interrupted looking from Harry to Niall. ‘I just wanted to say thank you,’ She started with a weak smile. ‘For the guitar and stuff, you didn’t have to do all of that, all of this.’ She added, gesturing to the party going on downstairs and them all being there. Niall’s face didn’t budge but he did turn his head to look at Harry, before looking back at Rae. Rae took the hint, also turning her head to look at Harry, still hovering too close to the door for her liking. ‘What?’ Rae asked taking in Harry’s appearance, looking down at his feet, chewing on the inside of his mouth.
Niall said nothing, just kept staring at Harry. Rae looked between the two of them silently begging one of them to say something. Harry continued to look at his feet, pulling at the large stone in the ring he was trying so hard not to twist around his finger.
‘It was my idea.’ Harry finally admitted, quietly, and looking up from his feet, through his eyelashes, head still bowed, wincing almost as if he was scared to say it. Rae’s mouth fell open, guilt rising inside her. She didn’t know why she’d assumed it was Niall. She’d, wrongly, guessed, Harry would be too shy to mention the idea to anyone, scared of being rejected for it.
‘Your idea?’ Rae asked, seeking clarification she didn’t need. Niall just cleared his throat and squeezed past Harry, mumbling something about how he’d sort drinks downstairs before sliding out of the room, pulling the door closed once again behind him. ‘Harry, why didn’t you say anything?’ Harry just shrugged looking down at the floor. ‘Sorry I shouldn’t have assumed it was down to Niall.’
‘It’s ok, he wouldn’t have taken credit for it anyway, he’s not like that.’ Harry smiled, thinking about how many times his best friend had encouraged him to step up and take recognition for what he’d done. ‘I’m glad you liked it, was a bit nervous about it.’
‘I bet.’ Rae chuckled stepping forward tentatively. ‘It really means a lot Harry, I really appreciate it.’ She told him sincerely dipping her head to try and find his eyes. He seemed to get the hint, looking up to lock his eyes into hers. ‘Thank you.’ She whispered. It didn’t feel enough, but she didn’t have anything else. Harry just nodded, shrugging.
‘Come with me a sec?’ Harry asked, reaching out for her hand which she, as always, was happy to take. His hand always felt so warm and engulfing, in the best way, around hers, and she didn’t think she’d ever get bored of that feeling. Harry led her out of her bedroom, flicking the light of as they went and began leading her up the second flight of stairs to his bedroom. Harry was the tiniest bit wobbly on his feet, it matched Rae’s slightly blurry mind, and it became clear to her they were both a little tipsy. She wondered if that was why he seemed more nervous than normal and was the reason behind the zingy butterflies in her tummy.
‘What’s going on Harry?’ She giggled as Harry pushed his bedroom door open.
‘Just be patient, love.’ Harry insisted dropping her hand to flick on his own bedroom light. Rae giggled again. Alone he was the Harry she enjoyed most. She always adored being in his presence, but when it was just the two of them she could thrive on it and it seemed he did to. He was so much more confident and at ease when it was just her, and no one was looking on.
Rae stood at the end of his bed, looking over the walls the way she did. Even though she’d seen them enough times to know each poster and each piece of art that decorated the room, she still liked to take them all in, all over again, in case she’d missed something. A little key to Harry that she was somehow missing. Of course, she couldn’t spot anything, she didn’t think she would until he wanted her to, until he wanted to let her in completely she’d always be knocking at his door, unable to let herself in.
Finally, Harry turned back to her holding a square box in his hand. Rae’s smile dropped from her face and she looked a little confused as her eyes dropped from Harry’s face to what he was holding.
‘Don’t look so worried.’ Harry chuckled, extending the box towards her. ‘This is for you.’ Harry told her, but Rae just looked up to him again, her forehead slightly creased and her bottom lip slightly pouted. Even then she looked adorable and Harry had to fight the adoring sigh that wanted to be let out. ‘Take it.’ He encouraged, extending it further.
Rae took it from him, still clearly unsure, but Harry just nodded reassuring her to open the box. He hadn’t had time to wrap it, which he regretted, but in that moment was just happy it was finally in her hands after weeks of waiting. He knew when he saw it, scouring ebay that he had to get it for her. It didn’t even take a second for the memory to flash into his mind when he saw the description, and it made it impossible for him to leave the camera there for someone else to buy.
‘What was your first camera?’ Harry asked, sat opposite her at the dining table. Rae was on her laptop, working on editing some photos, Harry waiting patiently for Louis so he could drop him at the station to go home for Easter.
‘My first camera?’ Rae asked, and Harry had just nodded. ‘Mine was an 1100D but the first camera I used was my dad’s Fujica ST801, the batteries exploded inside it though so had to chuck it.’ Rae explained, eyes flicking up to Harry as she spoke. ‘Why’s that?’
‘Just curious.’ Harry admitted, thinking back to the list of vintage cameras he’d seen on EBay and wondering if an ST801 had been one of them. When he went back to his laptop, on his bed in Holmes Chapel that night, the smile that broke onto his face could probably have been from space.
‘Harry!?’ Rae gasped, recognising it almost instantly as she pulled the lid of the box open. ‘What is this?’
‘It’s for you.’ Harry told her confidently, ‘ST801, first camera you took photos on right? Batteries exploded so you had to chuck it?’ Rae just nodded, with a smile of disbelief. ‘Been paying attention.’ Harry told her with a smirk before she could ask. Rae chuckled and looked down at the camera, inspecting it. It looked just how it did the last time she’d seen her dad’s and she shook her head at it in disbelief.
‘I can’t accept this.’ Rae insisted pushing the camera into Harry’s tummy, but Harry just shook his head.
‘Well you have to cause I haven’t got a clue how to use it.’ Harry laughed holding the camera and driving it back towards Rae from his abdomen.
‘I could teach you.’ Rae suggested, eyes wide and bright, the beginning of an excited smiling creeping onto her face. Harry chuckled at her and shook his head. ‘Or you could let me shoot you on it?’ The words fell from Rae’s mouth without really meaning too. The suggestion clearly took them both by surprise, even though it had been a thought in Rae’s mind for a long time, it wasn’t something she ever intended to actually ask Harry. At least not yet.
‘Why would you want to shoot me?’ Harry asked, taking the smallest of steps closer to her.
‘For my photography and people practice.’ Rae mumbled looking down at the camera and fiddling with the dial the way she knew her dad would tell her off for when the camera wasn’t on. ‘You don’t have to, it was just a stupid thought.’
‘So you don’t want to shoot me?’ Harry smirked, though she didn’t see as she was looking at her feet, trying to hide the blush that was rising in her cheeks. ‘You can,’ Harry started and he saw Rae flinch to start looking up to him. Harry was pushing himself, pushing his limits he knew that, the thought of it was making him nervous so God knew how he’d feel if it actually came to it. ‘If you’d like to.’ Rae looked up to him, slowly, narrowed eyes still the most full of life he knew.
‘Really?’ Rae asked unsure if she was pushing boundaries. Harry just nodded. ‘I don’t want you to feel awkward, or put you off, or make you nervous, or-’
‘I said it’s fine didn’t I?’ For a second it felt like they’d switched places. Harry saw she was worried about how she was making him feel and stood a little taller, not ever wanting to be the one who made her feel unsure or like she was walking on eggshells. Harry was somehow braver for her, bolder and more willing to take a chance. When it came to her, Harry felt like no level of anxiety was bigger than he was, and that was something he’d never known before.
‘Ok, we can talk about it later.’ Rae smiled. ‘Maybe we should head back down stairs?’ She suggested, Harry nodded and watched as she placed the camera down on the box at the end of his bed. He liked that, her things in his room, it promised she’d come back and he warmed at the thought and had to literally bite back a smile.
They spent the rest of the evening in close proximity. Harry made Rae drinks as and when necessary and continued to check if she was warm enough as they stood outside in a circle of friends. She nodded, but he noticed how she pulled her denim jacket further around her shoulders, so he moved even closer and placed his arm around her waist. He tried to appear nonchalant, like it was nothing, lifting his cup to his mouth focusing on that and the friend opposite talking, rather than the way Rae looked up to him as his hand found the curve of her hip. Inside his chest his heart was galloping faster than the leader of the Grand National, but it calmed when she didn’t flinch or push his hand away, only settled into it. He could have sworn he saw her lift one side of her mouth into a lopsided smile before lifting her own cup and finishing her drink. He might have offered to get her another, had he not been so comfortable with his arm around her and his hand settled in her waist.
AHH! I lied maybe this is my fave chapter so far? Let’s be honest i’ll probs say the same for every chapter from now until the end! What do you guys think? Who else is wishing they’d just make a move already? Would love you guys to send me messages about this one and Harry and Rae, I’ve loved them all so far and my ask box and chat is always open to talk about them!
Thank you as always for all the love on this story so far! I’m so happy you’re enjoying it!
Big up ma gals @harrysmeadow and @cuddlemusclestyles for being ace as per!
Rae was sat in the kitchen, her laptop open, music playing in the background to her editing session. It was a typical, English winter’s day. The sky was bleak and grey, over run with thick, ever darkening cloud, and everything felt cold and lifeless. Even the orange glow of the kitchen light didn’t make the world feel brighter.
The tea Rae had made herself kept her left hand warm as her right, swiped over the trackpad of her laptop, moving levels on the editing software trying to make her photos look as good as they possibly could. She’d just had her first lecture for her second practice ‘Photography and Place’, which for all intents and purposes meant landscape photography.
The word ‘place’ had really made her think though. For her ‘place’ was a funny word. She was still trying to find her ‘place’ and she had so two ‘places’ she called home, and so she decided to explore that a bit more. Look for parallels and opposites. She was currently pouring over a photo of the cattle yards she’d taken not long before leaving Australia for Brighton. They had a bunch of weaning calves in the yards and one had managed to worm its way into the hay feeder. It still made her chuckle now, the same way it had when she saw it and knew she had to grab her camera.
The kitchen door pushed open, Rae lifting her eyes from her laptop to the opening door. It was Wednesday afternoon. There were only two people in the house on Wednesday afternoons. Rae knew exactly who to expect, and she smiled gladly as Harry rounded the kitchen door.
How is it he always looks so soft? She wondered to herself as she looked him up and down as discreetly as possible. As always, he had a pair of black skinny jeans on, but Rae could tell they were the ones he’d been wearing all week because they were getting baggy on the knees and on Monday they were skin tight. He was wearing her favourite jumper, though he didn’t know that. It was cream and a thick knit, he always had his hands tucked into the sleeves all though this time he had a notebook and hard back clasped in his right hand. His glasses were perched in his freshly washed, glossy hair, and it took every part of Rae not sign adoringly at him.
‘Sorry,’ Harry started, taking steps into the living room, his socked feet sliding against the lino. ‘Can I sit here?’ He asked nodding at the seat she normally occupied at dinner time, Rae having taken his own.
‘Of course, I’m about to make some more tea, do you want one?’ Rae asked him, pushing her chair back and lifting her mug to finish the last mouthful or so of tea.
‘Please, if that’s ok.’ Rae just smiled in response, spinning on her chair to get up from it. Harry wondered if there was ever going to be a time, when that gentle, warm smile, didn’t make his heart flutter a little. ‘How’s first year going?’ Harry asked, finally plucking up the courage as the silence lingered on, Rae busy with the mugs.
And then it started, an afternoon of intermittent conversation as Rae worked on editing a collection of photos for her one to one the following morning and Harry worked on some artist research. It didn’t take much of Rae to make Harry feel ok, but the way she always looked at him like he was the only thing that mattered as he spoke, was the best thing in the world to him at that time. She’d never know that though, even if she was clinging to every word he said like it was gold dust.
‘Ooo what’s cooking?’ Niall’s voice trailed down the hallways, following the sound of the door opening. Rae smiled to herself, somehow, in the few months she’d been living with them, she’d picked up cooking duties. Rae didn’t mind she loved cooking, and the boys loved her cooking. They were quite happy to share washing and drying duties, and so it worked like a dream.
‘Curry.’ Rae called back to him, and Rae could almost see the satisfied, silent ‘phwoar’, face Niall pulled in response.
‘Ok, got time for a shower?’
‘Sure have.’ Rae chuckled. Dinner always followed Harry and Niall getting in from their, nightly, evening run, and Rae knew they couldn’t eat without having a shower and getting warm, so her timings were always worked around that. It was a good break, and distraction, for her from uni work, so she didn’t mind at all.
Rae grabbed the bag of rice from the top cupboard placing it on the side, before reaching out for the pan of boiling water. She’d never get over the lack of plastic handle pans that stopped her from burning her hands, like the ones her parents had, and that night was no different. She wrapped her hand, confidently, around the handle, quickly pulling it away and screeching as her fast movement knocked the pan of boiling water from the stove onto the floor.
‘Fuck.’ She cursed, grabbing her hand and fussing over what to attend to first, her scorched skin or the puddle of steaming water that had also burnt her toes.
‘You ok?’ Rae hadn’t even noticed the kitchen door open, but turned to a concerned looking Harry.
‘Burnt my hand.’ Rae explained, and before she could continue Harry was rushing over to her. Harry grabbed her wrist without even thinking, turning the cold water on and sticking her hand underneath it. Rae watched as his eyes scoured her palm to check how bad the burn was, a look of concern washed over his features as he narrowed his eyes and her hand.
‘Hold it there, I’ll grab some ice.’ Harry told her, quickly turning towards the freezer.
‘There’s water all over the floor.’ Rae pointed out, looking down to the puddle and pan gracing the lino.
‘It’s ok, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.’ Harry reassured as he rummaged around in the freezer for something to put on Rae’s hand.
‘Peas is as good as I can do, I’m afraid.’ Harry sighed, wrapping the frozen vegetables up in a tea towel before taking Rae’s wrist again and directing her to sit down. He gently placed her hand on the table and put the towel, wrapped peas on top. ‘Ok?’ Rae nodded with a soft smile.
‘Thanks.’ She whispered, looking up to Harry as he adjusted the peas so they were covering her whole hand and discreetly checking the rest of her forearm for any other signs of damage.
‘No problem.’ Harry turned away and grabbed the hand towel from the side, placing it on the floor and mopping up the water that had spilled. Rae admired from afar. It was only then she realised he was still clad in his running gear. His legs were bare, apart from his running shorts, his thick thighs and calves perfectly toned. He’d taken his hoodie off, underneath just a skin tight, long sleeved thermal. Despite that though, and the beanie on his head, he still looked a little cold. His nose and cheeks still pinched pink from the frosty air outside.
‘So curry, what do I need to do?’ Harry asked standing and chucking the towel towards the washing machine. He looked down at Rae with an expectant smile as she beamed up at him. It was beginning to seem to her, that no matter how shy or reserved he was, when it came to being there for her and helping her out, it all got pushed aside.
1: "I think I owe you an apology"
* 2: "I'll take care of it"
3: "You're all I've got"
* 4: "Who did that to you?"
* 5: "Can I sit here?"
* 6: "Come on, you need a break"
* 7: "What is all that shouting about?"
* 8: "You don't look so good"
* 9: "I'm not from around here"
10: "There's no way you're getting me in /that/"
* 11: "Have you seen - /oh/"
12: "This is why no one wants to hang out with us"
* 13: "Please hide me"
* 14: "I'll pay you for it"
15: "I didn't expect you to say yes"
16: "I could kiss you or I could kill you"
17: "When you asked me out, this is not what I had in mind"
18: "My parents are visiting - right now"
9: "Did you do that for me?"
20: "That's a weird way to say "I love you""
21: "Don't worry, I'm right here, and I'm not leaving"
22: "I think this person is following me, please walk me home"
* 23: "I don't need your attitude"
24: "When did you get so ____?"
25: "It just sort of happened"
So I've got a boring Monday ahead of me tomorrow and a relatively dull evening before that so if you want to send me some prompts ^^ Drabble ideas, insta requests now is the perfect time 😊 I've got World of Our Own in mind but if you have any of my other stories in my mind just let me know😘😘😘
