Sometimes it's so challenging for me to look at a past experience when somebody was really close to me and just think wow I learned from that and I got to experience all of the good feelings that that person helps me find instead of just feeling really bummed out that that person isn't in my life anymore because I really miss some of these people that I thought would be around forever and they're just not but there's really nothing that I could do about it because for one you can't force someone to stay and for two there are sometimes situations so large and out of our control and I absolutely refuse to add someone to my life unless they give me the same level of energy I give them and then so then I'm like it makes me want to not form new connections because of how much I miss the people that I used to know but at the same time I'm really desperate to find a community of my own
