THE MUCKRAKER : ELEVENTH EDITION ( JULY 27TH, 2040 )
THERE’S NEVER A DULL WEEK IN LIMA, OHIO. READ THIS WEEK’S EDITION BELOW TO STAY IN THE KNOW OF LIMA’S HOTTEST GOSSIP
MOMMY ISSUES TO THE MAX. (pg 2)
it’s no secret @haydengrace-anderson has no issue bringing up her own issues when it comes to having grown up without a mother, but as it turns out there may be more of a reason as to why she’s been hyperfixated on motherhood lately! a trustworthy source reported in to us that they spotted hayden at the book store eyeing what to expect when you’re expecting among other parenting books. the last thing lima needs is another hummel-anderson running about, but this story will be one to watch closely!
OFFEND ONE THEATRE KID, GET THE WHOLE GLEE CLUB. (pg 4)
some lessons, unfortunately, are only learned the hard way. @harperpucks tries to act mysterious and aloof, but finds himself in a fair amount of twitter beef for such a cool and unfeeling kid. most recently, he tweeted about being free from the annoying musical theatre kids only to have both rory slade and ivy st.james clap back at him. as much as i agree about this past weekend having been peaceful, it’s not worth the embarrassment to get so riled up on twitter.
BAD BOYS ON THE LOOSE! (pg 6)
sources say that lima’s resident twink @joeyhqs was seen scampering around new york with @archerxcs after curfew to presumably hook up! this plan was incredibly stupid and unsafe which leads me to believe this undoubtedly had to be a joey hummel-anderson original. these two were lucky to not get stabbed and all i can say is that i hope the dick was worth it.
(S)MOTHER(ED) (pg 8)
@bbpuckerman is undoubtedly kind of a loose screw and whether that’s because she comes from an actual a nuthouse of a home or has no actual friends is up for debate. i personally think it’s a combination of the two and quinn fabray-puckerman’s helicoptering of her youngest daughter isn’t doing much to help the bad case of the cuckoos baby has come down with! my advice? cut that cord and get your own life, baby!
LIMA DRUG SCENE ESCALATES INTO FULL BLOWN WAR?! (pg 10)
unassuming @nikolcscs has a dark secret and that’s actually that he’s a drug lord! a reliable source has fed us information that his heart of gold is simply an elaborate coverup for the skeleton’s in his closet. the source also says young upstart in the industry, @eli-stjames has made nikolas mad in things in lima are about to get messy! stay safe, lima!
WEDDING BELLS ARE RINGING! (pg 12)
as it turns out, this weekend @lemonsterling swapped some pom-poms for a bouquet and eloped with her high school sweetheart @tj-beiste in new york of all places! the only surprising thing about this is that lemon has yet to change her instagram handle to lemonbeiste. as vomit inducing as this union is, we can only hope the fact it came so early means we’ll be seeing an annulment before they start popping out any kids.
CHECK BACK NEXT MONDAY FOR THE MUCKRAKER (ISSUE #12)
