This fic is the sequel to my fic From One O’Hara to Another which you can find here. Sorry this took forever to write, but thank you all for your patience! Character credit goes to the wonderful @lumosinlove
CW: anxiety, struggling to come out, brief mention of fire due to brain fog
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Finn felt Logan’s hands before he even opened his eyes, fingers smoothing over his skin, through his hair, across his brow. Finn swallowed, whispering like it was a secret, “I’m nervous.”
“I know.” Logan said softly.
“I feel silly for being nervous because he knows, and he gets it, and I’m so excited but-”
“Harz, I promise you it’s okay. You were holding onto a lot of very scary feelings for a long time, and even if you know it’s gonna be okay now, your body might still be in fight or flight mode.”
“I don’t want it to be.” Finn protested.
Logan laughed, “I know baby, I know. It’s gonna be good though, and pretty soon that will outweigh all the nerves.”
Leo who had begun to wake at his boys’ words let out a quiet yawn, “Lo’s right Fish. It’s going to be good.”
Finn hummed in agreement, “Hey who do you think Alex is dating? He said he wanted to reintroduce us to them. That must mean we’ve met them right?”
Logan’s brow furrowed, “yeah… yeah, hey maybe Kase knows! I mean they used to play together right, and they’re still close friends so…”
“You’re right! Ugh, obviously I’m not gonna ask him but Alex talks about him all the time. You know, sometimes I wish they still played together. I mean the way Alex talks about it, I can’t imagine them being traded apart. I know it was really rough for him. It’s like- I mean I can’t even think about it, it’s like if one of us got traded away.”
All three boys knocked three times on wood, Finn’s whole body shaking at the thought.
“Anyway,” Finn said, “I just keep trying to think about who it could be, you know?”
Leo let out a small laugh, and both Finn and Logan rolled over to stare at him.
“What?” Finn asked, eyes narrowing.
“Nothing- nothing, y’all are just funny. That’s all.”
Finn watched him for another minute before breaking into a smile and leaning forward for a kiss.
“I love you, and I love your smile,” Leo whispered into his lips. “You’re like the sun Finn, you come into peoples’ lives and you just light them up. You set the world on fire and you just- I’m just so thankful for you.”
“Knutty…” Finn could barely keep his voice from breaking as he tried to speak.
“We know today isn’t easy for you,” Logan added, murmuring the words with his lips pressed to Finn’s skin, mapping out each freckle, “but we want you to know we’re so proud of you and- and”
“And that’s never going to change.” Leo finished.
Finn felt warm all over, like he was bathing in sunlight, skin tingling where his boys touched him, their lips, their fingers covering his whole body. He loved talking to his boys, but it was hard for him to admit when something was wrong.
He preferred to go on runs and sink into books and lose sleep, than put that weight onto anyone else; but moments like this were the perfect reminder for why it was good to open up. The perfect reminder that it was okay to let them know when he was struggling. Finn let himself sink into their cuddles, into their heat. He let them take care of him for once.
-
Finn kept trying to take deep breaths, rubbing his fingers together, trying to get the tingling to go away. It was fine. He’d talked to Logan and Leo and that had really helped. And it was fine. He pressed a hand to his chest, trying to gauge how fast he was breathing, trying to rub away the tightness. Was this normal? Or was something wrong? He had been doing something, trying to… to… he couldn’t remember what. His brain felt fuzzy and hot. Why couldn’t he breathe?
“Oh my god, Finn! Oh my god!”
Finn’s eyes went into focus. The pan he’d been trying to heat noodles in was on fire, or at least the noodles were. Finn took a big step back as Logan dropped the lid onto the pan carefully, snuffing the fire out.
“I’m so sorry. I’m- I’m so sorry. My brain, it completely spaced. Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I can’t shake the nerves. I’m sorry. We’ve already talked about this, it’s just circular, I-”
“Finn, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m really glad we talked about it, but that doesn’t mean your feelings will just go away. It just means we’re here for you and that we know today’s hard for you. You can always, always talk to us even if it’s circular, or you know repetitive, or something.”
Finn dropped his head onto Lo’s shoulder. “Thank you, thank you. I think I’m just feeling so much, excited, nervous, then feeling bad and confused about being nervous because I already told Alex, and that was supposed to be the hard part. This is supposed to be the easy part, the fun part.”
“Baby, it can be both. Sometimes having the facts laid out isn’t enough to change a feeling, what our body just knows. Alex telling you he heard you and loves you and identifies the same way you do is something your brain knows, but it’s not something your body knows yet. You don’t feel like it’s true even though you know it is, and that’s going to take time, and that’s okay Fish. It’s all okay and we’re here for you through all of it.
Finn let out a big breath, “I love you. I really really love you, you know that right?”
Logan looked at him softly, “yeah Fish, I know that, we know that. I really really love you too. Why don’t you go get dressed so we can head out. We can get there a little early, walk around, and get seated first that way we have time to settle in before Alex gets there.”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea.”
“Perfect.”
Finn tried to take some deep breaths as he left the kitchen and headed toward their bedroom. He could do this, he wanted to do this, and he’d have his boys with him the whole time. It was okay to have mixed feelings about this, he just had to keep reminding himself of that.
He dug through their drawers until he found his favorite and most worn pair of jeans, an old Gryff hoodie which always made him feel safe, and lastly his rainbow bracelet- the match to Logan’s and Leo’s.
He’d stopped wearing it for awhile, when every time he looked at it just brought a reminder of the stress he was under and the pressure he felt, but right now it was a comfort more than anything else. It was a way to have Leo and Logan with him all the time.
Leo walked in just as he was finishing up and he watched Leo’s eyes dart to his wrist and then back up to his face. Finn waited for a remark, some kind of comment, but Leo just gave a soft smile, pressing a kiss to hime temple.
“Hey, Lo’s ready when you are.”
Finn looked at Leo, let himself drown in the cornflower blue of his eyes, “I’m ready.” He said, and he actually meant it.
The three of them walked to the little restaurant where they’d be having lunch, not Sid’s as they wanted something more low profile. The walk was good and by the time the three of them sat down Finn’s excitement was bubbling up.
This was what he’d been excited for, for so long. It was also the first time it struck him that Alex might be nervous too, maybe not exactly the same way Finn was, but still. This was a big step for both of them. Finn tapped his fingers against the table, against his leg. They were early, they had time.
Just as the waitress was bringing them their drinks, Finn’s phone pinged. Pulling it out of his pocket he saw a text from Alex.
Alex:
hey
Finn:
hey what’s up?
Alex:
are you guys there yet?
Finn:
yeah, we’re in a booth by the back corner
I tried to pick something secluded
Alex:
okay awesome, thanks fish
we’ll be right in
Finn slipped his phone back into his pocket, looking at his boys on either side of him, “he’ll be in in a minute.”
He held onto both their hands, under the table, out of sight. “I’m excited, I mean obviously I’m still nervous but I’m also really excited. He’s gonna love you guys, he already does, but now he knows.” Finn smiled, Finn let himself smile.
Leo and Logan both just squeezed his hand briefly. Finn didn’t need them to say anything, he just needed them.
The bell of the restaurant rang as the door swung open and Finn’s neck snapped around to watch Alex walk in, “no fucking way,” he whispered to the table, “no fucking way, oh my god, how did I miss that?” as Natalie and Kasey followed Alex in.
Alex grinned as he made eye contact with Finn, who still looked shocked, and the three made their way to the table, sliding into the booth opposite Leo, Finn, and Logan.
From across the table Alex’s grin grew wider, “surprised?”
“Yes,” Finn and Logan chorused. Leo on the other hand stayed quiet. Finn looked at him, eyes narrowed. “You knew?”
“I didn’t know, but I suspected.”
“Is that why you were laughing yesterday? Oh god, I was talking about how Kase probably knew and you were laughing.”
Finn shook his head a little before turning back to Alex, “Congrats man, I’m definitely surprised, but also it makes a lot of sense. You guys just kind of fit together.”
“Thanks Finn, you guys too- I’ve seen how happy you’ve been, even sitting here it’s clear, I’m glad you have them.”
“Me too,” Kasey added in, “and just for the record my plan was to just start making out and see how long it’d take you to notice.”
Logan who had argued for the same tactic high fived Kasey across the table, while Natalie who had thrown her arm around Alex’s shoulder said, “yeah, I thought we should take the more direct approach, you know the one where you guys wouldn’t take forever to figure it out.”
Her eyes cut to Leo as she continued, “except for you Leo, you just always seem to know.”
“Honestly, at this point I’m not sure if it’s a gift or a curse, but I’ll take it.”
All six of them placed their orders and chatted easily while waiting for their food, shuffling seats as they got engrossed in different conversations. Finn and Alex who had been in the middle of the booth ended up right on the end, and Alex, as though he’d been waiting for the right moment, leaned in.
“Hey fish, I just wanted to ask, or check in really, how are you doing?”
Finn paused for a moment, the words I’m fine ready to roll off his tongue, but then he glanced at Logan and Leo, at Natalie and Kasey, at Alex, and something stopped him.
He nodded slowly, “I’m- I’m good. I’m really good actually. This morning was rough, but being here with everyone, it’s exactly what I wanted, what I hoped for, what I was scared of. But- this is great. Seeing how great it really is has helped me, it’s given me something to replace the images my own mind had been drawing up.”
Alex hummed, like he understood, “I’m really glad you told me, and I’m really glad I told you. I- I know this wasn’t easy, and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you more, in college when I knew something was going on, but I didn’t want to intrude. I wanted to let you tell me. I’m sorry for that.”
“Alex, no-” Finn tried to interject, but Alex continued.
“I’m so happy to be here for you now though, and I’m happy you have your boys.”
“I’m happy you have yours too, and Alex, I know I’m just your little brother but I’m here for you too.”
“You’re not just anything Fish.”
The two of them looked at each other for a moment. They were so similar, both with wild red hair, both in the NHL, both bisexual and polyamorous, but at the same time they were so so different, even just in how they carried themselves.
Despite the awkward angle, Alex reached across the table to ruffle Finn’s hair, “love you.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, love you too.” Finn grumbled, trying to shake him off.
“You know they’re gonna be fine with this, right?”
“Who?”
“Our parents.”
“How do you do that? How do you just know what I’m thinking?”
Alex looked at him, “because it’s scary, and I know it’s scary, but they will be. They’ve always wanted what’s best for us. They’ve always wanted us to be happy. They supported us going to the NHL, they supported us all through college, they’re gonna support us through this too.”
“Yeah, but what if it’s too much for them, all of this.” Finn said, gesturing to the table, to Alex and himself.
“Finn, it’s never going to be too much for them. They’re gonna love having the house filled on holidays and over the summer when we visit. They’re gonna love seeing you light up because you have Leo and Logan with you.”
“I- I know, but…”
“Fish, I- they knew something was up in college. They didn’t know what, but they knew something, and then that first year in Gryff, you would call, and you just seemed so… you were obviously happy to be in the NHL, but you also seemed so lonely and lost. Everytime you called it was like you were thinking of something else, someone else. In this last year that’s changed, they’ve seen it change. Even though they don’t know why yet, they’re so happy about it. It’s scary but they love you. It’s going to be okay.”
“I didn’t realize, I didn’t realize that you guys knew. I just- I don’t think I even realized how bad it was until I got them you know? I was hurting but I thought I was fine, and then suddenly I had Logan and Leo, and all that time that I’d thought I was fine, well suddenly I knew just how untrue that was.” Finn’s voice broke a little as he tried to explain.
“If you want, we can tell them together, maybe this summer or we can go down for a weekend sometime sooner. Either way I promise it’ll be okay.”
“Yeah, that’d be great Alex. Thank you. For everything.”
“Of course.” Alex said simply, as though it was just that easy.
The two turned back to the others, who seemed to be listening intently to Leo telling the story of Finn coming out to him, laughing so hard he could barely finish it when he got to the part of Finn calling both Kasey and Natalie hot.
Finn, who went bright red at the tale, laughed along, and sitting there listening to the conversation flow, he realized there really was nowhere he’d rather be than with his teammates, his friends, his family.
Sometimes I stop to wonder if it's just me, or someone else realizes that the Dramione fandom is one of the most precious there is. I'm proud of the writers, the readers... we are many compassionate to bear every kind of grimace about Dramione, because we know our own worth.
That's so slytherin on our part, it's funny enough. But extremely positive.
