What He Remembers {R. Lupin}
Summary: Remus Lupin has always made sure to remember the important things in life, so just what exactly does that entail?
Masterlist (currently unavailable)
Requested: Nope
Warnings: Angst, Character Death, Grief, Pain, Language
Word Count: 1,600
Remus Lupin was the first guy to ever say he loved Y/N L/N as well as the last. He had loved her so much that he believed each day that past was dedicated to her.
He had loved the way she smiled at even the darkest of hearts, no matter if it was only a display.
He loved how she knew the right thing to say, no matter the situation.
Most importantly, he loved how she was simply just herself.
It took him three years before he had even spoken his first words toward her, and another two before he worked up the courage to ask her out. But in all those years that he had known her, his heart never beat for another girl. It’s something that he and James Potter had been able to understand about each other much easier than the other two boys they found company in. That wasn’t to say that the pair were closer than the rest of the group, but the mutual understanding was nice.
James had been a huge source of support for Remus, and when the Lycanthrope had all but burst into the dorms cheeks red and a smile so bright James couldn’t help but take a small bit of that happiness and store it into his admiration for Lily Evans. It was at that moment he believed his friend, despite the hardships and pain he had in his life had found something that triumphed it all. After all, he had watched Remus go through this constant battle of self-doubt and had spent countless hours encouraging him that if Y/N was as kind as he spoke, then he didn’t need to worry. The energy that night has never been higher.
Remus remembered every little thing about the girl after that. He remembered the simple things, like how flustered her cheeks got when she first took his hand, or how each time she stepped outside, she’d take a deep breath of fresh air with a look of pure content on her face. It was simply just her.
He remembered the major details too, such as their first date. and thing like the shy smile that graced her lips the entire walk there before she had launched into a story on one of her classmates.
“Remus it was unbelievable, I swear I've never seen something just casually burst into flames that quick.” She laughed, “Poor Professor McGonagall had such a hard time trying to get us to pay attention after that.”
He watched her, adoring the smile that seemed to grow on her face as she told her story. “Sounds like something Peter would do. He almost flooded the classroom with a spell gone wrong, soaked half the students.”
They continued to share stories for the rest of their time together, ranging from Remus’ adventures with the Marauders to Y/N’s summers and working with her Muggle Aunt at a local bookshop. It was as if everything had suddenly become so much brighter to him, almost like the world was waiting for him to experience this moment.
The next year and a half had been the greatest moments in his life. He had finally found someone with who he never had to worry about the negativity of his mind, and to him, that was enough. It was as if he had found his definition of perfect. In fact, he had found it easy to ignore the rest of the world when he had his girl curled up next to him.
Perhaps he had been foolish to think he could ignore what truly went on around him, after all with each passing day in their seventh year the threat of the war seemed to grow higher and higher with each article of the Daily Prophet. Simply put, the war was approaching and there wasn’t anything that could truly block out the grief that everyone seemed to go through. He remembered the first time he had seen what grief had done to Y/N, and there was nothing more painful than watching the girl he loved so dearly cry herself to sleep for days on end.
-
Quiet knocks on his dorm door alerted Remus of her presence, who had patiently waited for her after Dumbledore himself had pulled her out of class. He stood, practically rushing over the door to find out just what had happened. He hadn’t been expecting the tear-soaked face that stared back at him. “Remus,” she choked out, throwing herself into the safety of his arms, “they killed them, my mother, my aunt, even my little brother.”
She cried, “He was only five, he didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve to-“ She wailed, unable to finish her sentence.
He had never seen her so heartbroken. This girl, the one who carried so much positivity and radiance around her was merely a hole of what had been. The pain had all but consumed her, and he couldn’t help but sob with her over the loss of a family that had welcomed him in with open arms. It was suddenly then they had both realized that they couldn’t hide from the war.
Remus watched her over weeks try to pull herself back together and mask just how much agony she felt, but he knew her, and he watched as she became a shell of herself. Y/N, the most comforting soul in Hogwarts was no longer there. She didn’t smile in the halls or laugh when someone had attempted, and all he could do was watch.
The closest thing Remus had seen of the girl he first fell in love with since the loss of Y/N’s family was when they had both been offered to be a part of the Order of the Phoenix. Her smile briefly came back, and it had brought him a little hope that maybe this was what she needed to heal. He didn’t know instead that this was simply her plan for revenge.
He cursed himself for ignoring the signs at the first glance of hope. Or maybe he just wanted to go back to when he was less experienced and the world didn’t seem to feel so depressing. Yet, due to his selfish mindset, he didn’t think to pay closer attention to the love of his life, or the fact that as talks of a traitor within the Order rose, they had also been betrayed.
“Remus,” She called out from the bedroom of their s haired flat, “I’ve got to go. This mission might just be the one chance I have.”
He sighed deep exhaustion in his body from the previous night’s transformation. “My love, I cannot stress this enough, please be careful, I can’t help but feel incredibly worried about this mission.”
Gathering her in his arms, he inhaled that sweet scent he had grown to seek comfort in when he found himself nervous, “I promise you I’ll do my best. Please don’t stress too much while I’m gone.”
“I just worry.”
“You have no need, I will come back to you.” She whispered, separating herself from his arms before looking towards their little clock on the wall, “I must be going now. I love you.”
He took a moment, taking in the sight of her before him, memorizing each detail as he had done each time before one of their missions, “Be safe out there. I love you my dearest.”
And with that, She apparated out of the place they called home.
He wondered later on that if he hadn’t been so tired would he have fought harder for her to stay.
It was two days later when an abrupt Order meeting was called, but he didn’t think that he could ever prepare for the news that he received, or that James Potter had been the one to tell him with tearful eyes and a grim face.
“Remus, sit down.” He asked, glancing towards Lily in a silent ask for privacy, “Remus I…”
He’s never forgotten the look James had given him that night, “James, what’s going on?”
He watched as his friend's eyes filled with tears, “I’m so sorry, Remus I truly am. I can’t even imagine.” He stumbled, trying to figure out exactly how to phrase what had needed to be said, “God I’m so sorry, Its- Its Y/N. Remus the intel we got was a trick, they-“
“They what James?” He cried out, heart aching at the idea of what James was getting at, “You’ve got to be fucking with me right? This is some sick fucking joke”
“Remus, I'm so sorry-“
“Stop apologizing and just say it!”
“She’s dead Remus, they killed her.”
Nothing at that moment could compare to what he felt as those words left James’ mouth, his knees buckled out from underneath him as he collapsed from the impact of what had been said. Sobs wracked his body, head-spinning because one of the only good things he had, had been taken away from him. The air was knocked from his lungs as he cried out to her, begging to no one to give her back to him. If he thought the world looked dull when he first met her, now every single bit of brightness had been sucked right out in front of him.
The next few weeks were hell for him, yet he had finally understood just how bad Y/N hurt after the death of her family. By the time her funeral came around, he was simply numb, and the few people that tried to offer their condolences were met with a dazed look and a nod.
Remus had remembered what he thought was the worst pain of his life since the age of five, but nothing could have ever prepared him for the pain losing Y/N had caused him.
