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Feb 28, 2017

And My Heart Is A Hollow Plain~ V

Its the 1600s and all Louis wants is the freedom he knows he will never taste again.

He knew happiness, knew a good life and love. Had dreams and reasons to see the good in people, to expect good things from life.

Forced into a marriage he will never get out of, all he’s looking for is a breath of life. Maybe something or someone to come save him from the hell he knows.

Louis lay in his bed wrapped in blankets, trying to stay warm when the december weather had turned colder than usual when it had never been like that before. He couldn’t afford to get sick now that he had a baby on the way that he had to stay healthy for, knowing what was coming as soon as it was born. He tried not to move too much, not wanting the cold air to sneak in and make him shiver all over again like it had happened before. The force of his shivers had made his lower back and left shoulder hurt.

He was dozing off again when he heard his door opening, and seconds later Howard walked in making Louis stiffen. His hand covered his baby bump trying to protect his baby from the monster in his bedroom. He slowly sat up glad that Howard at least had thought about bringing an oil lamp with him and when he sat down next to him, Louis slowly scooted a little away.

“You’re cold.” Howard stated, seeing the way he was shivering.

“It’ll pass soon.” Louis shrugged, “Is there something you need? If you want to sleep with me then I need to remind you it isn’t safe for the baby. It's my first pregnancy.” Louis said, not in the least ashamed about telling him an old wive’s tale.

“I know that. Louis...my bedroom is warmer. Why don’t you stay there.” Howard finally said, taking Louis by surprise but quickly recovered.

“I’m fine here.” Louis mumbled, looking down at his lap just waiting for him to hit him.

“Louis…” Howard said through gritted teeth.

“I said I’m fine here. Just because we’re– I’m going to give you a child doesn’t mean we’re going to start acting like a happy family.” Louis finally snapped, flinching when Howard grabbed his left wrist in a tight grip.

“Fine then, but if you get sick and it harms my son it will be on you. Not even Liam will be able to stop me from giving you the beating you deserve.” Howard glared, then let go before he got up and left slamming the door after himself managing to make Louis jump up a little.

Louis went back to his old spot trying to get warm again and when he finally felt warm enough, he closed his eyes and fell asleep dreaming of green eyes and dark brown curls. When Louis woke up the next day he felt slightly hot, seeing someone had thrown another blanket over him and instantly knew it had been Liam. When he got up he shivered a bit as he got dressed, and when he was done he sat down on his bed just staring straight ahead with his hand caressing his belly.

He doesn’t know how long he stayed there until Liam brought breakfast up to his bedroom since Howard was having his own at the table in the dining room where Louis usually ate. He wordlessly started eating it, not feeling hungry at all. When he couldn’t keep it down he knew it was nothing to worry about as long as he wasn’t dehydrated.

He continued like that for the rest of the week, unable to even get out of bed with only Liam, Lucy and sometimes Nick helping him out. When he finally started getting better a week after, he was able to at least get out of his bedroom but was never allowed by Howard to go outside of the house. He would spend his days sitting next to Lucy who was now in charge of making clothes for the baby instead of cooking in the kitchen since Louis didn’t know a thing about it. Howard wouldn’t give him a cent to buy clothes for the baby, much less allow him to go outside so that would have to do.

“What color do you want the new blanket to be?” Lucy asked, snapping Louis out of his thoughts.

“You can make it white, I don't know what I’m having until I give birth.” Louis said, picking up a ball of white yarn to give to her, then went back to thinking about him wondering what he was doing.

“Just five more months and you’ll know.” Lucy smiled, and for a moment Louis wondered how such a bright young woman like her had ended up stuck in the hell he was forced to call home until he realized that not everybody had been born to wealthy parents like his own had once been.

“I hope it’s a girl, she would be such a beautiful little thing. Would look just like her father. But a son will be better...I can’t have a daughter.” Louis sighed, then chuckled when he saw the face Lucy was making.

“I hope you mean yourself.” She whispered, “The Earl is handsome but...not that handsome, probably would have agreed with you had he been younger.”

“Then I would sound so full of myself just like my husband, wouldn’t I?” Louis giggled.

“Mary thinks you’re expecting multiples.” Lucy commented, then blushed a deep red when Louis raised a perfect eyebrow, “Don’t get offended, but she says it’s because you’re bigger and it’s your first pregnancy.”

“I’m not offended, Lucy. Who knows how many I’m having, I only hope I survive the birth...at least long enough to meet him.” Louis shrugged, trying not to think about it.

“Don’t think like that, you will make it and you will have many more babies.” Lucy gave him the warmest smile before she went back to knitting, leaving Louis smiling at her optimism.

Later that night with Howard gone, Louis decided to have dinner at the table in the dining room but felt lonely when he was the only one eating while one of the servants stood on the corner. He knew Liam, Lucy and Nick were eating in the kitchen and without thinking he got up and grabbed his plate of food, waving away the servant when she tried to help him.

“Go eat, you must be hungry.” Louis said, remembering her having worked all day without stopping.

She only nodded and walked back to the kitchen after Louis, and as soon as the rest saw him, they got up wondering what he was doing there. Louis only took a seat in between Liam and Lucy, glad that the table was big enough for everybody. He started eating without saying anything until he noticed everybody looking at him with questioning looks, probably wondering why someone like him was eating with the servants.

“I don’t want to eat alone and Elena deserves to eat too, she hasn’t eaten anything all day.” Louis explained, never missing the thankful look Elena and her husband sent his way.

“But lord Clark…” Liam started.

“Lord Clark is not here. I…” Louis looked down at his bloated belly, “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Its an honor to have you sharing this meal with us.” Lucy smiled at him, and just like that they started eating as if nothing had happened.

The chattering soon started getting louder when everybody was talking over the other, and a few had conversations of their own with the person sitting next to them. When they were finished eating they continued talking until they heard the door to the dining room slamming shut, and seconds later Howard walked in looking as furious as ever looking for Louis.

The chattering quickly died down and it was followed by a deafening silence with everybody staring at their lord then at Louis who was as pale as a sheet. Louis started feeling dizzy the more he stared at him, and when he motioned for him to go to him, his legs wouldn’t move at all.

“Louis…” Howard nearly growled, “What do you think you’re doing here eating among scum.”

“I was–” Louis started, but didn’t get to finish when Howard lunged forward and grabbed him by the hair.

Liam as well as Nick tried to stop him, hearing Lucy letting out a loud scream followed by Louis’ own screams. They followed when Howard dragged him out of the kitchen and into the dining room where he pushed him forward, making him fall. When Louis tried to stop the fall with his hands, it was too late.

The first thing he felt was pain around his abdomen then the arm around his waist, he looked up with teary eyes to see Nick with his arm around his waist. His face only showed worry mixed with fear making Louis furrow his brow, wondering why until the pain blinded him and he tried not to scream.

“Get up!” Howard screamed at him.

He finally got up with Nick’s help, still feeling that horrible pain knowing something was or could be wrong with his child. Once he was up, he bit his bottom lip trying to hide the pain. He gave Nick a thankful look before giving Howard a hateful one, not caring if he was making him angrier. Enough was enough.

He walked away without looking back, ignoring Howard’s shouts filled with many insults directed at him. As soon as he was in his bedroom, he burst out crying with his back against the door. He caressed his belly praying for his baby to be fine, and when he could no longer feel anything, he slightly relaxed yet knew it wasn’t right to do so until he could feel any signs of life.

He made his way to his bed and took a seat at the foot of it as he wiped his tears away, just wanting everything to end. He wanted the pain to end, he wanted to be free, wondering what it would be like to make his own choices when he had never been allowed to do so.

He thought about him and for a minute his mind wandered away, thinking what his life would be like now if for a crazy last minute decision he would have gone with him. If instead of telling him to go away like he had done that night, he would have chosen to leave everything behind just to be with a complete stranger which was better than where he was now. He was deep in thought, only snapping out of it when he heard a knock then Liam walked in looking as worried as ever.

“Are you okay?” Liam rushed to him and knelt down in front of him, seeing his face wet with tears, “The baby?”

He placed his hands on Louis’ cheek, wiping them away with his thumbs and when more tears rolled down his cheeks he felt like a failure. He had failed at protecting him and that killed him deep inside, wanting to take him away and never look back.

“I can’t– I can’t do this a– anymore.” Louis sobbed, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck, trying to find some sort of comfort.

“It's going to be okay.” Liam murmured as he wrapped his arms around Louis, careful not to press too much on his belly.

“No it’s not…he– he hurt my baby. Help me.” Louis hid his face on the crook of his neck, “Please help me…please.”

“I’ll find a way, I promise you I will find a way.” Liam rubbed his back, trying not to cry knowing he had to be strong for him.

Louis only nodded, then pulled back as he wiped his tears away deciding that it only made him look weak when he had to be anything but that. Liam hugged him again, murmuring comforting words. He left him alone when Louis wished to be alone and after a while and thinking it through, he finally made his decision. It wouldn’t be as horrible as what Howard had done to Edward, but it would be quick and painful.

The following morning he was up bright and early before Howard was, then made his way into town with Nick and Lucy accompanying him. When they were busy buying what he asked them to buy, he wandered off to get what he needed before they realized he was gone. Liam had let him borrow money, and he had to be back before Howard woke up. When he was back, he waited for the cook to finish with their breakfast, then insisted on serving it himself never regretting anything. When he was done, he waited for him at the table with their breakfasts already served.

“Good morning.” Louis cheerfully said as soon as his husband had walked through the door.

“What’s so good about it.” Howard retorted, taking a seat at the head of the table.

“It’s a beautiful morning, not as cold as it always is by the end of december.” Louis gave him the sweetest smile, reaching to take his calloused hand in his smaller one.

“What’s gotten into you?” Howard narrowed his eyes, trying to take his hand away but Louis only held on tighter.

“Your food is going to get cold.” Louis said, going as far as kissing his hand and letting him caress his cheek then his belly, making him feel a cold chill run down his spine.

“Eat.” Howard commanded, letting go of Louis to pick his spoon up, “My son won’t be strong if you don’t eat.”

“As you wish, my love.” Louis said, just watching him swallow the first spoonful.

Louis waved Lucy away with the excuse that he wanted to have private time with his husband, never taking his eyes off of him. He smirked whenever he saw him eating it all, wondering if it was okay to make conversation then decided to stay quiet. He then focused on his food, eating everything until they were done and he heard him cough for the first time.

“Are you alright, love?” Louis asked, as he pushed his empty plate away.

“Fine.” Howard replied, and seconds later started coughing again.

“You know, I can’t wait to have the baby in my arms. I hope it’s a girl.” Louis said rather dreamily.

“If it’s a girl I’ll make sure to throw her to the dogs. Why would I want my first born to be a useless and weak female.” Howard snarled.

Louis felt a pang on his chest, never doubting him then it was replaced with anger and satisfaction when Howard started coughing harder. He brought a napkin over his mouth to cover them up, and when he pulled it away, his eyes widened seeing the bright red blood all over it.

“Well,” Louis started as he lovingly rubbed small circles on his belly, making sure he was watching him, “Then I guess it’s a good thing this baby does not belong to you. But to some random man.” Louis finished.

He didn’t even flinch when Howard sat up and grabbed him by the back of his neck, pulling him forward with enough force to almost break it. He bit his bottom lip when he grabbed him by the hair, but ended up letting him go when he fell off of his chair and onto the floor as he tried to breathe, choking on his own blood.

“Wh- Whore…” Howard coughed, trying to reach for Louis’ ankle, “Wh– What did you d– do…?”

Louis only kicked his hand away, looking down at his dying husband then knelt down next to him but far away from his reach.

“What I should have done a long time ago…you deserve to go to hell.” Louis said, then slowly got closer and wrapped his hand around Howard’s neck squeezing a bit.

“Whor-” Howard started, but was interrupted by Louis when he spit on his face.

“Yes I am a whore. I am a whore for loving every single second he fucked me into the mattress all night long. And unlike you, he never forced me, you fucking pig.” Louis squeezed harder as tears started rolling down his cheeks. “If loving the way he made me feel makes me a whore, then so be it.”

“I loved the way he touched me, the way he made me feel and this,” Louis said putting a hand over his belly, “This is proof of that, this is the result of that night. He gave me what you could never give me and your many wives before. Accept that you can’t have children and never will.”

He let go of him and stayed there watching him as he agonized until he stopped coughing and slowly the life slipped away from him. He couldn’t take his eyes away from his lifeless body, not even when Liam walked in asking what was going on and as soon as he saw him, Louis went into panic mode.

“Louis…Louis what did you do?” Liam hissed, already kneeling down next to Howard, trying to find any signs of life and when he didn’t, he looked up at Louis who was now standing against the wall with wide frightened eyes.

“He deserved it. He– He deserved it, Liam.” Louis mumbled, looking at them with wide eyes. What he had done finally sinking in.

“We need to leave.” Liam got up, “We need to leave now before they figure out you…we need to leave.”

Louis let Liam push him out of the dining room where he never took his eyes off of Howard. He was in shock, unable to do things on his own. Before he knew it, Liam had already put a coat on him, guiding him out of the house through the backdoor having ordered Lucy to pack them a bag.

“I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t do anything.” Louis stopped halfway, refusing to let Liam push him any further.

“I have everything ready, Liam.” A nervous Lucy approached them, holding a bag over her arm.

“Liam, I’m not going anywhere.” Louis insisted.

“Shut up!” Liam finally snapped, “Do you want them to hang you!? Think about that child now since you didn’t before you did what you did.”

“He tried to hurt my child.” Louis mumbled, looking up at him with wide teary blue eyes, “He hurt me…he deserved it.”

“I know.” Liam pulled him into a hug, “But this wasn’t the way Lou, not like this.”

“Liam we need to go.” Nick interrupted him, looking as nervous as ever, “I know where we can go, he’ll be safe there.”

“I’m not going anywhere, if I do then they’ll know. We’re staying here...Liam please.” Louis pleaded.

He watched him with wide blue eyes and when Liam sighed then slowly nodded, he finally relaxed. He didn’t know what he was going to do until Nick spoke up, already having planned something. By noon, Howard was back in his bed as if he was still sleeping and had never gotten out of bed.

The news quickly spread throughout the entire town, how the Earl had been found dead by none other than his now widower who was completely devastated. They couldn’t help but feel horrible knowing he was now alone and pregnant, with only his loyal friends by his side. Even more when his child had been stripped off of their rightful title when a new Earl was appointed to the town of Doncaster.

It wasn’t fair what they had done, but Louis could care less when he was finally free. He was free to do as he wished, free to go wherever he wanted. And free to raise his child on his own and be happy for the rest of his life.

“I want to leave this town.” Louis said one afternoon and a week after Howard’s death as he looked around the now empty house after he had sold everything in it.

“Where would we go?” Liam asked, “We don’t know anybody else.”

“Nick. He told me he’s going back to London to his husband and children, I was thinking we could go with him and start a new life there. Lucy, you and I.”

“When is he leaving?” Liam asked.

“Tomorrow, he leaves tomorrow.” Louis answered.

Liam only nodded and the following morning at the very crack of dawn, they were on their way to start a new life along with Lucy who Louis couldn’t leave behind. After what to Louis felt like forever, they finally made it to London where as soon as they had gotten there and had found a rest house, Nick had disappeared for almost an hour. Louis spent it resting on the too comfortable bed when his back was already killing him while Liam and Lucy did the same in the bedrooms adjoined to his.

He couldn’t hide nor deny the fact that he was scared when he had never been on his own. He had always depended on someone whether it had been his father or Howard. Now he was free, but he had no idea what to do. He had a child on the way and he was scared to death. He was scared of failing his unborn child, afraid of not giving them enough and making them miserable. He fell asleep with a hand over his belly and the other holding the letter Edward had written to him a long time ago. How he wished he was there with him, how he wished the child he was carrying was his.

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