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I've become so bad with words I can't even write them down.. I've been contemplating how I feel or whatever I wanna say for 20 mins and i end up just erasing it all cause it makes more sense in my head but when it comes out its like spaghetti..
(Feelingsuicidalalloveragain). I thought I was past this.
UGH
i'm in one of my moods again
you know the ones where i complain about how useless and ugly i am
i think it's all this stress just bringing me down.
i hate it. it's like there's a fucking dementor in the room and everything just reminds me
"Emily, you'll never find anyone."
"Emily, you'll never be successful."
"Emily, you know you're too fat to ever look good in anything, right?"
"Emily, you're a big, fat, failure."
i don't want to spend my life alone jesus christ but i feel like it's fucking inevitable and maybe i should just give up hope now because what's the point? if i'm ugly i'm ugly and no amount of makeup or expensive clothing can hide that. sure, i can lose weight, but i'm so messed up and weird on the inside that i still wouldn't appeal to anyone, not to mention my general appearance anyways. i'm not going anywhere in life, so why bother?
h@te my life
