Always Been Mad
read it here
by the-girlwhowouldbeking
Hatter is a figment of Alice's imagination, and desperately wants her to return to Wonderland, and leave her friends behind. Inspired by this drabble by the lovely Larii. It ended up being a little Tom Riddle/Ginny-esque but ehh, whatever.
Words: 1506, Chapters: oneshot, Language: English
Fandoms: Disney/Alice In Wonderland
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Suicide
Characters: Hatter (Alice in Wonderland), Alice (Alice in Wonderland), John Smith (Pocahontas)
Relationships: Hatter/Alice, John/Alice
"You're not going mad, you know."
Alice looked up from her curled position on the bed to see him standing there. He looked the same as ever: Tall and lanky with very long limbs, pale skin, and dark hair that seemed to defy all laws of physics. His clothes were very old fashioned and worn, but the colors were still bright save the great amount of dust that had gathered on them and the spectacular top hat he wore. Alice wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked at the man. "It's been ages since I've seen you." she said hoarsely.
"It's been ages since you've needed me." he replied simply as he brushed the dust from his coat and the brim of his hat. "Don't let it or buy it or loan or lend it the way about your bothered mind, for Mister Months and Dormy Dear have probutished most un-endlessing amounts of tea and comfort for me and grinners of hearts and watches alike."
Alice let out a small laugh and sat up in her bed. She wiped away the last of her tears, not taking her eyes off the man for a single moment. She had always liked the way he talked, even if she usually had no idea what on earth he was saying. "Hello Hatter." she greeted him at last. "It's good to see you haven't changed."
Hatter smiled back. "Hello Miss Alice." He stared at her happily for a brief moment, but then his smile faltered. "But you have, and I should say not for the better, though I don't suppose I will."
Alice's smile faded. "What do you mean?"
"You look like Jane." he said sadly. Hatter had never much liked Jane. He supposed it was her constant state of unbelief in him or Wonderland that had put him off in the first place. Where Alice could always see where, and who, and what the four children had been adventuring through, the other three had a much harder time of it: Occasionally Thomas and John caught glimpses (the former more often than the latter) whereas Jane never truly believed in any of it at all. To her it really was just a game. What was there to believe in? "You talk like her too. It doesn't suit you. It would be much more betterishly muchier of you to find your Aliceness again."
The girl's gaze turned downwards as she ran her fingers through her amber locks. "I just wanted him to notice me." she mumbled. "And he did! He finally did, and last night we had sex, and--"
"And it wasn't at all what you had expected."
Alice's eyes shot up to look at him in surprise. "How did you-?"
"Miss Alice!" Hatter laughed. "Have you forgotten?" He placed his hands on either side of her face, and pressed his forehead to her own. "I live in your head. I always know what you're thinking." He smiled, placed a kiss on the girl's forehead, then let go before prancing across the room and investigating the various powders and sprays that littered her vanity.
A moment of quiet passed before Alice spoke up again. "It wasn't very fun." she said.
"No." said Hatter, lurching backwards as he sprayed perfume in his own face. He coughed and waved the cloud away before speaking again. "No fireworks behind your eyes while the momeraths serenaded you with a song of true lovingableness, not even a carnal desire fueled by a jabberwock of lasciviousness, just... sex. That, and he's not in love with you." He turned to look at her out of the corner of his eye as he threw about a deck of cards he had found in a drawer. "He's in un-love with you, or rather, he's in love with un-you. Not Jane, and not you, but the un-you that is Jane, and that's the bit that stings like a bandersnatch's bite, is that you can never be un-you, you can only be you, you see?" He finally seemed to find the card he had been looking for (the Jack of Hearts) and stuck it in the brim of his hat before laying the rest of the stack back on the vanity. Alice had started to cry again (as she so often did) and Hatter sat down on the edge of the bed with her. He placed a gentle arm around her shoulder, and kissed her gently on the top of the head.
"What am I supposed to do?" she blubbered. Hatter smiled. He placed his hand beneath her chin and lifted her face upward so that their eyes met once again.
"Come back to Wonderland."
~~~~~
Not long now. Hatter had sent the rabbit out once again to find her, and bring her down to the tracks. They had been planning this ever since that first day he reappeared to her in her bedroom, and she would often cry at the thought of it, which he found to be very dull, but he did care for her, and so would try to provide her some comfort. The trip back to Wonderland was not going to be easy, but what other choice did she have? The others would be leaving for university soon, leaving Alice entirely alone, for she was (thankfully) Alice once again: The dye had washed out, and she was back in her usual attire of blue and white. Hatter balanced against the tracks as he waited for her, one foot in front of the other, his worn boots sliding against the smooth steel, causing him to teeter a great deal but never quite slip off the edge. The sun was casting long shadows on the ground, and his appeared even longer and eerier than the others. He smiled as he looked at it. Not long now...
There was a rustling at the top of the hill. Hatter looked up to see Alice chasing the rabbit down toward him. His smile faltered at the sight of the three people standing at the top, calling for her to come back, but he was glad to see that Alice paid them no mind. "Hello Miss Alice." he greeted her as she slowed to a stop. He picked up the rabbit, and stuffed it into his jacket. He smiled again, and held out his hand to her. "Are you ready?"
"For what?" she asked.
"To go back to Wonderland."
"I-- Oh." she said, biting her lip. "Hatter, I-- I hadn't thought it would happen quite so soon."
Hatter frowned. "We agreed on this, Alice. We had tea, and we agreed."
"I know!" she moaned. "I know, but I had hoped that possibly--"
"We agreed." he said, much more firmly than he had ever spoken to her before. The sound of his voice made her start. "You return to Wonderland now, or we never see each other again, and then you really will be alone. But if you come with me," and his voice was tender now, more loving and caring than any other she had heard before. "You'll never fear loneliness again."
Alice looked back at the little group gathered at the top of the hill. "Are you quite sure of that?"
"Yes. You'll always be in good company."
A train whistle blew in the not-so-far-off distance as Alice stared at him fearfully. "When you came back," she said in a voice so quiet that no normal person would have been able to hear, even in the close proximity which she shared with Hatter. "You said I wasn't going mad, only you never explained what you meant."
Hatter smiled once again. "You weren't going mad," he replied. "Because you already are."
They stared at each other for another moment before Alice, almost trance-like, extended her hand out to grasp his. He squeezed it tight, then pulled her onto the track. The train's whistle blared loudly as it barreled into them. Hatter was sure she felt excruciating pain in that brief moment before death. There were agonized and horrified cries from the children on the hill as they went running toward Alice's body. There were several moments where the girl grasped his hand even tighter, and stared fearfully at her own mangled body. Hatter hugged her close, and kissed the top of her head. They held each other on the tracks long after the children had finished crying and they had gathered up the remains of her body. The blanket of night wrapped around them, and it wasn't until the moon was at last gazing down upon them that Hatter let go.
"Come along, Miss Alice." he said, as he reached into his jacket. He pulled out the rabbit once again and put him on the ground. The rabbit sniffed the air curiously, then hopped off to a nearby rabbit hole, which nobody else but the pair of them would have ever noticed. He pulled her by the hand after the rabbit, and pushed her forward to the edge of the hole. "Wonderland awaits."
