Fandom: Discworld
Pairing: Havelotta
Characters: Havelock Vetinari, Lady Margolotta of Uberwald
Rating: T
Summary: “Missing Scene” from Unseen Academicals
Also available on AO3 and ffnet (see the links in my profile).
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Sometimes Margolotta couldn’t let things go. Not after Havelock had allowed this awful cook … no, she corrected herself, awfully annoying human being, but, if you took Havelock’s word for it, rather excellent cook … to stomp into his office just like that, without any proper audience!
“Did you know that this … this person told me to my face—vell, vithout knowing that I vas actually me, but still to my face—that everyvun in this city knew I vas your squeeze?”
Havelock burst out laughing. He cut himself off when he saw the expression on her face and put a hand on his mouth, doubtlessly to cover a grin. When he had schooled his expression back to a faint smile, he turned to her and said:
“What is it you’re truly annoyed about, Margolotta: The term squeeze; learning that Ankh-Morpork is gossiping about anything and everything, including ourselves—which, quite frankly, shouldn’t come as a surprise … or the fact that Miss Sugarbean didn’t phrase her allegation the other way round?”
@marodeur and @rotestelefon got a discworld crush, resulting in these two cosplays. We had a really good time reading the novels and wearing this duo.
Also we thought, the HavieLotta community really deserves a little more love.
Havelock Vetinari by @marodeur
Fandom: Discworld
Pairing: Havelotta
Characters: Havelock Vetinari, Lady Margolotta of Uberwald
Rating: T
Summary: A young nobleman visits Lady Margolotta of Uberwald on his Grand Sneer. She finds him quite … interesting.
Also available on AO3 and ffnet (see the links in my profile).
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“You have freedom, Mister Vimes. Isn’t that vhat everyvun vants?”
—Margolotta in The Fifth Elephant
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“It seems,” said Lady Margolotta, staring at the board in front of her, “that you have beaten me.”
She was still working out how that could have happened. The pale young man in front of her had been losing, for H—for someone’s sake!
Then again, this was exactly the point when you played Stealth Chess: If the Assassin piece entered the Slurks to either side as the chessboard and made a few moves there, it could reappear practically anywhere on the board. And the young man, she reminded herself, was a trained assassin.
“So it seems.” The young man didn’t smile, which was, Margolotta thought, fortunate for him because gleeful winners tended to get on her nerves—and the blue veins under his skin were shimmering rather enticingly.
“Even so…”
“Hmm?” Her eyes shifted from his carotid to his face.
“I would feel honoured if your ladyship graced me with the opportunity of a return match.” He smiled. He had a calculating smile, this young man.
“Vhy? You have already von.”
“Yes, but I might not the next time.”
Now he had her undivided attention.
“Our match was even,” he said simply. “This was the most interesting game of Stealth Chess I have played in a long time, and we play it often in the Assassins’ Guild.” Now he smiled a real smile. “One might say we are a match for each other, as opponents.”
“Hmm.” Margolotta watched him more closely. He wasn’t conventionally attractive: A gangly young man with a long face and shoulder-length black hair … but with pale skin and clearly visible veins—features that were certainly attractive to a vampire. And he got along well with her dog.
In short, he was a temptation. A temptation sent not by any unknown deity, but by her friend, his aunt Lady Roberta Meserole, who had asked him to pay her a visit on his Grand Sneer. It would have been quite impolite to sink her fangs into—
Oh, well. Better not follow that train of thought.
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“My sources are a little vague on the matter, but it seems you had to flee Ankh-Morkpork because you inhumed Lord Vinder?”
The young man was sitting in her library, several books of Uberwaldean philosophy on the table in front of him. Margolotta watched him closely in case the twitching of a brow or, indeed, the speeding up of his pulse revealed the truth of this allegation.
“Oh no, I did not inhume him,”[1] the young man said without any sign of surprise. “However, Lord Snapcase watches every younger member of the Assassins’ Guild quite closely at the moment. Rumour has it that he wants to invite the assassin who … predeceased his predecessor in order to congratulate him, but I would not bet my travelling cloak on his true intentions.”
“Indeed not,” Margolotta said thoughtfully.
“You never know what a tyrant who compiles registers might do with them,” the young man continued in an equally thoughtful tone, looking directly into her eyes. “The existence of a register means that the aforementioned tyrant now knows my name and address. I thought it wisest not to be there, in case he thought a … reduction of the number of assassins in Ankh-Morpork was due.”
“Visely said,” Margolotta had to admit. “Perhaps not so vise to go to Ubervald, though.”
“Oh, several of my teachers at the Guild recommended Uberwaldean philosophers to me,” the young man said. “I thought reading their works might broaden my understanding of politics and its underlying principles.”
“It seems you have come to the right place, then.” Margolotta gestured around at the high-vaulted room. With its chairs and ladders leading to a second storey with even more books, it resembled the library of a cloister rather than that of a castle.
“Indeed, I believe I have.” The young man turned to one of the books on the table. “I found some of the statements in Die Bedingtheit der Werte by Friedhelm Niklas quite enlightening, especially the passage in which he emphasises that the powerful and the wealthy define what is ‘good’, and usually define that they are ‘the good ones’ themselves.”[2]
“Ah, is that not a universal truth?” said Margolotta. “There are no good people at all, only people vho claim to be the good ones.”
“Oh yes,” said the young man. “Not long ago, I watched a play in which one of the characters said: There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.[3] That seems entirely correct to me.”
“Vell,” said Margolotta, “In my experience, there are, alvays and only, the bad people. It is just that some of them are on opposite sides.”[4]
The young man turned to her, books forgotten. There was an alertness in his expression that drew her closer. He pulled out a chair for her.
“Do tell me more.”
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“Such a pity you have to go.” Margolotta stepped behind the young man with superhuman speed. She expected him to flinch, but there was nothing—nothing but the suggestion that he might have moved away if only he had wanted to. But he remained standing, and his pulse did not speed up.
“Yes,” he said. “I quite enjoyed my stay at your place.”
“I only vonder,” she said, lifting her chin to bring her lips closer to his neck, “vhat makes you believe I vould let you go.”
And there it was, the quickening of a pulse.
“I trust that you will let me go,” he said, “and that you will not harm me.”
“Oh, but you don’t,” she whispered close to his ear. “You are afraid.”
“As a matter of fact, your ladyship, I am not.”
“I can hear your pulse.”
“I am aware.” He paused. “You can also smell people’s fear, I am told. Can you smell fear?”
She hesitated. There was no fear.
She closed her mouth and brushed her lips against his pulse point.
He shuddered, barely perceptible. Margolotta only noticed because she had been waiting for it.
“Interesting.” She stepped back.
“Of course I cannot know if you feel the same—if that is, indeed, what vampires feel,” he said, “but I do believe that you will not try to subdue me.”
“Oh, and vhy is that?” With lightning speed, she stepped to his side. He did not flinch this time either.
“Because you were the first person in years who challenged my skills when we played Stealth Chess,” he said. “Because some of the most interesting conversations of my life so far were with you.” He paused. “There will be no more if you subdue me.”
Margolotta stared into his eyes.
“An intelligent young man indeed.”
“So I am told.” He smiled. “Your ladyship, it was an honour to meet you.” He took her hand and bowed deeply, breathing a kiss on her hand.
“May ve meet again, Havelock Vetinari,” she said solemnly.
“I hope we will, Lady Margolotta. I hope we will.”
He mounted his horse. She watched him ride through the gates of her castle.
He was right, of course. She would never subdue someone like him, tempting as it might be.
“Thall I clothe the gateth, mithtreth?” said Igor, appearing right behind her in the way only Igors could.
“Yes, close them, please.” She turned back to her castle. Quietly, she added: “And I shall spend the evening asking myself if vampires can feel the same…”
“Mithtreth?”
“Nothing, Igor. Nothing.”
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Notes
I was listening to “Freiheit” (Freedom) by Saltatio Mortis and it gave me quite the Havelotta feels… You can find the German lyrics and an English translation on lyricstranslate.
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[1] Lady Margolotta might have received a more accurate answer had she asked if he had had anything to do with Lord Winder’s death, but as matters stand, giving someone a heart attack does not mean inhuming them in accord with Assassins’ Guild statutes.
[2] Paraphrased from Zur Genealogie der Moral by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.
[3] Written by a certain Discworld playwright named Hwel.
Who would be the big spoon? Margolotta. She is actually afraid to lose Havelock (since he’s mortal and she’s a vampire) and likes to belive that if she hold him close enough Time would let him alone.
Who would wake up first?Havelock. he always wake up before dawn, and sometimes find Margolotta still awake (she will fall asleep some time later).Margolotta usually wake up around mid-morning and sometimes sleep during the afternoon (but she is getting used to human time)
Do they have nicknames for each other?a lot, actually. Margolotta loves to call him “Havvie” (when he’s extremly cute or romantic, or when she wants to tease him) or “Havelock Vetinari”/”Lord Vetinari” (when she act formal or he let himself go). Vetinari calls her “my lady” for the same reason (but never “madam”. only Meserole is “madam”) and sometime he shorts her name in “Margo” (but only in the most special occasions)
What happened when they met each other’s parents?it never happen (Havelock’s father died before his Grand Sneer, and I belive his mother too), but once Margolotta met Meserole. Vetinari shivers every time he thinks about it.
How do they apologise after an argument?they argue very little, actually, and when it happens is related to politics.they’re not above using each other for political reasons (but usually the other is aware of it). After an argument they’re incredibly cold to each other (especially the offended part) until the offended one get over it. (after all, politics is politics and they choose politics over each other long ago)if the argument is about something personal, they apologize once they are over it but the one who was wrong always has to admit he was wrong.
What would they be like as parents?O.M.G. they’d be actually pretty protective (they know the child would be their enemies’s first choice as a target) and that’s why they encourage him to befriend Sam jr and often leave the child in Sybil’s care while they’re busy. (they both know that the Ramkin-Vimes manor is the safest place in Ankh-Morpork).if the child is a vampire they’ll turn him in a black ribboner as soon as possible, and while they’d try to turn him in a politician, they’d accept whatever obsession s/he chose. Vetinari may even ask Margolotta to be changed so to be able to stay with his family more time.Vetinari would take special interest in the child’s education and will make her/him go to the Assassin’s Guild School while secretly teach her/him a few tricks of his own.Margolotta would spend more time with the child (especially if s/he a vampire) and they always spend at least an hour together in the afternoon.No matter how busy they’re, they’d always find some time to spend together (usually by working more at night).
Who is the better cook?Vetinari. being able to cook is part of his crazy-prepared skill-set, but he never practice (if not for some special occasion). Margolotta is not above just killing an animal and suck its blood if the situation is dire enough.anyway, they’re both to used to cooks.
Who is more romantic?Actually both, in their own way. they enjoy dinning together, watching the landscape at each other place and they exchange gift sometimes, their most romantic activity is just being close to each other and holding each other. Margolotta added “Morporkia” to her names because she understand how important Ankh Morpork is to Havelock.
What sort of gifts do they get for each other?Margolotta give Havelock books, especially rare or very old books (but usually she read them first because she know Havelock is not above making some book ‘disappear’, and she wants to know what Havelock knows). in a few occasion Havelock helped Margolotta with a political problem (but they always try to avoid these kind of things).Havelock give her mainly dresses (which she wear for him) and maybe one or two particularly beautiful knives. in both case they’re are always the best in Ankh-Morpork.
Who gets jealous easiest?Margolotta used to get jealous about Ankh-Morpork but got over it after some time. they came to understand each other and now know they don’t have reason to be jealous.yet Margolotta enjoy teasing Havelock, especially when it come to his friendship with Vimes.
Who gets more excited for events e.g.. Birthdays, Christmas?They don’t. Hogswatch is a very quite affair, with just an exchange of gift. Birthdays is much worse. Havelock don’t see the point in celebrating Margolotta’s birthday because she’s an immortal vampire (and is not even sure about his exact age). Margolotta don’t see way she should celebrate the fact that Havelock is aging. yet they have their own little celebrations and the most important is The Anniversary, in which they celebrate Vetinari becoming Patrician.
Who is the most adventurous?They both are in their own way. just having a vampire/human relationship is an adventure. but if we have to pick only one, it would be Vetinari.
Who is the most protective?Margolotta. she’s afraid to lose Havelock (and know that she WILL lose him, unless he ask her to be changed) and was sick with worry when she learnt the events of Man at Arms and Feet of Clay. Yet she is perfectly aware how hard to kill and how capable he is, and the only thing able to kill him is Time.
What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts?O.M.G. this is how I imagine a child!Havelock/child! Margolotta relationship: Havelock would be surprisingly naive and Margolotta would be older than him. She would pick on his naivety (while actually finding it cute) yet she’d find herself attracted by his cleverness and his genius. He would try some romantic clichè (like giving her a red rose) while not being sure about the logic behind ( “I don’t see the point of giving her a rose but adults always do it in books and besides this rose is as red as her eyes”). Margolotta would call him “Havvie” all the time and at first he would be uncomfortable about it (he don’t like to be treated as a child) but later it would be ok if it’s her because she’s special.
Do I ship it?
NOTP / Crack only / AU only / Not really / Maybe a little / Well now I do/ Yes/ Of course! / OTP/I’ll go to Hell and back for them and there is nothing in the world able to make me change my mind/ I WILL DIE SHIPPING THIS, I WILL SHIP THIS IN HELL
