#hbo john

[fromcenotaphy]

Gonna ask the dreaded question: John Winchester in hbo Spn?

crap i’m already so anti-John that my hbo John is basically just my headcanons (and probably other people’s too??) for regular John :0 ...so [has absolutely hit dean, probably on a semi-regular basis] [doesn’t really remember mary’s face, not anymore, just remembers the way her body looked with fire blooming around it] [thought about killing sam once, after he learned the truth about azazel. couldn’t do it, left that burden to dean instead] [doesn’t believe in angels or god but has strange nightmares where something holy moves his limbs and speaks coldly with his voice] [calmly dislocates dean shoulders one night when dean is eight] [curt instructions on how to pop the joints back in, watching with arms folded while dean chokes back tears and tries to obey] [shunned by the bulk of the hunter community for the extremes he goes to on cases] [takes the shitty thrift store guitar that dean brings home one day and snaps the neck in half. hands the shattered thing back over without a word and leaves for the bar] [bending over sam's makeshift crib murmuring christo over and over again] [probably has a slew of homophobic and/or misogynist insults that he tosses around casually] [doesn’t think about food or rest for his sons, not out of malice but because he barely eats and sleeps himself] [drops a pre-teen dean in the middle of a state forest with a knife and a flashlight and tells him to find his way to the nearest interstate by dawn if he wants a ride home] [captures demons and carves them open with salted blades and holy water] [drunk out of his mind half the time he’s not on hunts; passed out on a motel-room bed while dean tries to figure out what to feed his brother] [knuckles gleaming in the lamplight, as he cleans and re-cleans his guns, over and over again until the sun comes up] [gets into the habit of slapping dean if he catches him crying] [never lays a hand on sam because he senses deep down that sam will walk out forever if he does] [sam walks out anyway, of course, and john finds reasons to blame dean for it] [if dean took better care of his brother] [if dean was more dedicated to the cause] [if dean wasn’t so goddamn soft] [never finds out about dean and lee because dean knows well enough to hide it. because dean knows well enough to think he might not make it out alive, if john ever finds out.]

[sammy-my-luv]

Things that Would Be Different if SPN was on HBO-Season 1 Edition

(actually this could just be stuff the writers should’ve done but they were too scared to talk about actual issues kahdfgk)

TW below the cut- season 1 spoilers, throwing up, panic attacks/metal health things, some gory stuff, permanent injury, suicide, brief mentions of r*pe, religion, mentions of drug use

-some of these are just gory details I think would’ve made it more gritty and realistic, some are genuine changes

-also nothing smutty here because that’s not my thing, minors can read this as long as none of the above is triggering for you

PILOT - we see Sam actually mourn Jessica. He stays up all night crying and throwing up while Dean sits next to him on the bathroom floor. I’m talking sobbing so hard it sounds like screaming, grabbing at Dean’s arms so tightly he leaves bruises, snot running, cracked lips, all of it. Dean ends up giving him some painkillers he had stashed away just to get him some sleep. 

WENDIGO - the wendigo takes a chunk out of Tommy’s leg and eats it in front of him. He never walks the same again.

DEAD IN THE WATER - Dean flat out SAYS that he relates to the kid because they both go mute during trauma. We also actually see him do this at some point during the show-you don’t grow out of coping mechanisms like that.

PHANTOM TRAVELER - the demon describes how Jessica died in detail, making up gory details about her screaming while Sam goes white in the face and tries not too faint.

BLOODY MARY - blood comes out of ears, eyes, mouth, nose, all of it. Also address the thing about the girl’s abusive ex killing himself.

SKIN - make it clear that the shifter is a rapist and an absolute piece of shit (he is, but they never really said it because of television rules and stuff) 

HOOKMAN - Sam and Dean’s religious trauma is addressed, Sam’s devout faith (the hidden rosaries, the whispered prayers to deliver Jessica’s soul to heaven and to forgive him please god forgive him), Dean’s hatred (John drilled it into him that God never would’ve done this to them, ‘he either exists and hates us or doesn’t give a fuck, kid’).

BUGS - doesn’t exist. screw this episode, honestly.

HOME - Mary has cracked and burned skin, her nightgown charred permanently onto her. Dean has a panic attack the first time he sees the house.

ASYLUM - Sam freaking beats Dean until his knuckles bleed, going on and on about how ‘I hate you, I hate you and Dad and your fucking rules and commands and I hate how you make me feel expendable and worthless’. Dean finally understands him in that moment.

SCARECROW - Meg smokes, lol.

FAITH - Dean tries to kill himself in the hospital because ‘I want to go on my own accord, Sammy’. Sam doesn’t sleep or eat and lives off of whiskey and stolen aderall until Dean is cured, where he passes out and sleeps for a week.

Like if you want a part two???

[anghelwings]

in hbo spn john comes out of the bathroom one day and finds two year old sam and six year old dean sitting on the floor laughing as a bible slowly levitates around them and the harder sam laughs the higher it rises and the only reason john doesn’t bundle them all up into the impala there and then and drive till he crashes or runs it off a cliff is because he’ll be dammed if dean doesn’t smile exactly like mary used to two years ago 

[wordsfallapart]

dean won’t smile. dean won’t laugh. dean barely speaks. john isn’t quite sure what to do with his little son that cries so often, but silently. he’ll wake up screaming, but even that’s quiet. and sam. sammy.

some days, sam is so quiet that john has to get up every hour just to make sure the kid is still breathing. other days, he screams so loud for so long that john puts ear plugs in. they don’t help. sam is only soothed when dean climbs up next to him and curls himself around his brother. 

sometimes, when sam’s been screaming all night and john hasn’t slept in three days, he’ll catch a flash of yellow in sam’s eyes. he’ll think he’s seeing things. he’s tired. 

eventually, dean begins to speak again (to sam), to mutter the stories that mary used to tell him. because sammy deserves to hear them, too. still, he doesn’t laugh or smile. sometimes john will beg him to, wants to see his son happy for only a moment, tries to bribe him by telling him that sammy wants him to, won’t you smile for sammy? tries to tickle him, tries anything, everything. nothing works.

one day, as john changes sam’s diaper, dean still tugging on his pant leg to let him do it, sam pisses himself. john splutters as urine splashes his face and chest while sam laughs at him.

then john hears it, from beside him around his hip. a small snort, a giggle, then dean’s laughing just as hard as sammy is. and john freezes, looking down at his oldest son, listening to that sweet laugh, remembers (from before mary burned) when dean wouldn’t stop laughing.  

sees that sweet, sweet smile, and it makes him cry. because there it is. he doesn’t even care if there’s piss all over him, because it’s worth it. 

it’s worth it, seeing mary’s smile again.