if my scars are a part of me...
ㅤㅤㅤself-para, pre-debut confessional.
ㅤㅤㅤwc: 407
the staff had given her four takes. four takes to change the pitch of her voice, the way she held her hands, where her eyes looked—
ㅤㅤㅤ"sumin-ah, it sounds good, really. they'll think you're so cute. we really need to finish your hair—"
and get to the other girls, of course. sumin likely would have never been happy, no matter what version of herself they showed her on that tiny screen to preview her recorded confessional. the interview questions had been simple enough. ones that she had expected and prepared for. but that didn't mean that in the moment, they weren't suddenly the most insurmountable task that had ever been placed in front of her— did she know what persona she wanted to sell for the camera? what persona she needed to be to stand out in this group of girls? her nails bit into the arms of the chair as she watched one last time,
ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ"sumin-ah, tell us, how does it feel to be debuting?"
nerve-wracking. like eating so much food because it tasted good, only to be left with a sick stomach and the knowledge that you took on more than you should. hopeful. like, "i told you so." like leaving something behind.
she had settled on a sort of dazed looking grin, eyes drifting from the manager who had asked her to the lens of the camera, knowing this would give the impression of eye-contact with whoever would be watching this footage.
ㅤㅤㅤ"i'm so excited. i joined the label with my twin what feels like just a moment ago, but we've worked so hard—" a pause, "you know, everyone has. my groupmates," shit, does that seem like they're an afterthought? "i can't believe we've finally made it."
ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤ"what are you looking forward to the most?"
being right. that i deserve this. that i belong here. having the cameras on me. the mic, which will make them listen to me. they're all going to hear me. i hope they see my name on magazines.
"working with the other girls," she breathed, an appropriately timed laugh lilting the end of her words, "we're going to show everyone a really strong image," which was a phrase she had picked up from watching more senior idols, ones debuted long before her, "and i hope they love it as much as i do."
ㅤ ㅤㅤ ㅤㅤㅤㅤi know they're going to. i'll make them love me.
index. . . self para
timeline. . . february 2023, dance studio 2
mentions. . . of other ace trainees and npc
word counts. . . 816 words excl quotes
― in the depth of winter, i finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
the news comes off as a surprise to doyeon. she had thought that her acts were finally caught; that all the sneaking out and occasionally hanging out and live busking were now something that puts the raven haired at risk. she knows that there's a price to pay for doing something she's been told not to, but can you blame her for keeping the rock spirit on? the drums in hydra does not feel the same, much less the lack of crowd to cheer her on. the fire within her flickers with threats to wear out if she had not hit her hi-hats and snare drums alongside her old band mates. it's hard to break down old habits when you meet on weekly basis, but doyeon at least works hard in not mentioning she's a trainee to anyone and especially to her close friends and band mates.
heading to dance studio number two, she comes to face a few other trainees that she occasionally share dance practices and vocal lessons with, someone whom had been in ace longer than she did yet welcoming if doyeon remembers her first day being introduced. the trainee sighs in relief, part of it knowing that she would not be punished and that she had not been caught yet since it wasn't her alone. she doubts their company representative would be as harsh as to scold her in public and in front of everyone. for worst, it could be a general warning to everyone.
doyeon looks around and wonders if she should start a conversation with the others until the ceo of all cut edge makes her appearance and greets everyone. the introduction was quick yet it did not stop the nervousness that doyeon feels. what had been so grand for the big lady of top ladder to make her very own appearance in front of everyone.
pleasantries were given where it's due; their ceo has always been a warm lady who prioritizes them being a family first rather than people whom had worked under her. the news comes after when she's done, about how they will be surprising the public with a debut in the second quarter and how doyeon will have to go through the candidate position interview that will be coming up soon.
there are other things planned out for them as well, from moving to dorms until it's their time to shine, along with calibrating intensive practices likewise their hydra peers for the debut and a trip outside south korea in march. by now, doyeon feels a sort of adrenaline rush in her blood aside. she's never been out of south korea before, much less out of seoul. her family and the extension of her families all reside within seoul so there had never been a reason for her to travel out. even when her father had to travel overseas for his orchestra, she was too busy studying to follow. doyeon makes a mental note to find out about spain, perhaps practice a few words in spanish. but most importantly, she needed help with preparing her passport and visa.
all excitement aside, the other trainees and doyeon herself have been told to put focus on their dancing and performance skills and that in due time, they'll be pulled to trained alongside a special dance instructor and his crew. the dance instructor whom now doyeon notices once the excitement and nervousness has boiled down, waves towards the girls to which all of them had bid with a bow in return.
after jang boram has bid her goodbye, all of them are give contracts to which they've been told to read through and to hand in whenever they are ready. doyeon runs through it and finds the clauses of the debut plans with rough timeline written, more information on the spain trip and of course, now with stricter rules that mentions along the lines of limitations in dating, aesthetic procedures and going out. "a bummer," doyeon mumbles to himself, thinking of having to resign herself in her dorm if not practicing now that she would not be able to sneak out.
the raven-haired trainee signs the contract, sealing away her drummer spirit. if this is the price, she's willing to pay. handing the contract back to park jisun, doyeon addresses her concerns on the passport and visa required to which the team manager informs she will work on it and advises her to not worry about.
with a smile and a bow, doyeon bids the team manager good bye alongside her future and possible teammates before heading to the sign up for a dance studio where she could release her high energy and tension towards since she could not go out. perhaps this had been for the better good. now that there aren't that many distractions, she could work hard on improving herself and gearing up for the debut.
