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3 am and I'm sitting here googling "toddler won't fall asleep" as though maybe they solved the single most fundamental problem of parenthood while I wasn't paying attention

#my nephew is simply not having it tonight #he's so miserable

Tomorrow is the worst festival of the year by a mile. Just wait and see how stupid I look during the flower dance.

(warm up sketch that got away from me ~73 mins)

#I wrote the flower dance chapter for nsts this past weekend and I was like omg. I haven't drawn Seb's flower dance fit!!!#he's so miserable #sdv sebastian #stardew valley sebastian #sebastian sdv #sebastian stardew valley #sdv #stardew valley #sdv fanart #stardew valley fanart #cass art #nothing stays the same #smoking /

Still of the belief that Gortash is so Gortash because he simply can't accept that his life and childhood have been shit for no particular reason. Like he can't accept a bad day is just a bad day. For him everything has to have a reason and justification and if there's none he will create one if he has to. After all he has justifications for everything else he does and the terror he unleashes as well.

And that's also why he himself is so fucked up and stuck. There was no reason for what happened. He knows this, subconsciously, he is smart and quite rational after all, but he simply can't accept it. It has to have a reason, there needs to be purpose otherwise all the pain and misery will have been just that and that's something he simply can not deal with.

So he destroys himself and others and talks about a grand purpose and how it's for the greater good when in reality it's just a man refusing to accept that his agony had no reason. That he, much like everyone else, is a plaything for the gods or the fates and that's a truth that he refuses to live with. That's why he calls a titan his equal. That's why he's obsessed with what parents do for their children. That's why he needs to find out how much agony one can endure before dying.

It's simply to justify what happened. The downfall of the Chosen who prides himself on rationality was that he refused to accept his emotions. That he wasn't destined to be the hero or the shining knight, that he was just like everyone else. That he's just human, with everything that entails.