#headcovering

[sirens-and-scarves]

Ramadan Mubarak to all the Muslims who follow me! I hope this month is everything you want it to be and more! As for those who might not be aware, Muslim clothing stores typically have sales around this time of year (especially Eid) and you can get discounts on headscarves and modest clothing!

[sirens-and-scarves]

One of these days I will wake up having read enough Mad and Crip Theory to somehow make my veiling/modesty practice about that as well and when that day comes it is OVER for all of y’all.

[sirens-and-scarves]

Sometimes I wonder what the other people who frequent the various veiling and modesty tags I use think of my posts when they see them. Whenever I go through there it’s like 98% stuff that is either not particularly interesting to me, something I explicitly disagree with, or statements vague enough to seem alright but that come from some obscured purity culture stuff that I don’t vibe with. Then there’s me being vehemently leftist and I can’t help but wonder what goes through peoples minds.

[sirens-and-scarves]

I think I’m gonna make a post about how veiling intersects with race but I’m going to need to do some research. In the mean time if you veil and are BIPOC and want to share your experience, I would love to hear about it! I know Tumblr is an aggressively white space (and I’m a rather small blog) so I don’t expect a lot of responses, but if you have anything you would like to share I would be very appreciative! Thoughts and experiences about modesty are also heavily welcome but I think I’ve got at least a bit of a grip on (specifically black women’s) racialized sexual politics (it’s not the only book I’m thinking about but I recently read Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown and I highly recommend it).

Also, would a new tag be a good idea? I don’t want to position myself as an expert or authority on race and racism but I think these kinds of discussions are important and I don’t want to just let certain things go unaddressed on this blog just because I’m white and don’t experience it personally. Any feedback, specifically from those who are BIPOC, would be immensely helpful!

[sirens-and-scarves]

Saw someone say that they discovered pagan veiling on YouTube and genuinely got angry at pagans veiling. This is your (general) reminder that pagans have been veiling long before Christianity even existed, that no one religion (or type of religion, like monotheism) owns veiling, and that there are no universal rules or symbolism inherent in veiling. If you’re getting mad at the existence of other religions and their practices, perhaps focus on some personal reflection and resiliency instead.

[sirens-and-scarves]

“Does this count as veiling?”

“Can I veil with XYZ instead of a scarf?”

“Is this a good veil?”

Babes I am not a cop, I am a person with opinions and a worldview. I will gladly share said opinions but there isn’t like a Headscarf Headmaster you need to answer to. People are going to define words differently and that’s not something that absolutely has to be standardized or the world will fall apart. It will be okay. Opinions are not law no matter how well-founded they may be.

[sirens-and-scarves]

Okay. Intersex modesty thoughts? Intersex modesty thoughts. This is going to be long so…buckle up or get out of the car.

So a consistent part of my modesty has been the desire to separate peoples access (visually) to my body. I wanted to cut down on the opinions, comments, and perceived entitlement over my body by obscuring it. This was especially colored by narratives about “how a woman’s body should be” or “what a woman’s body is designed for” and me quite staunchly wanting to physically distance myself from that. Yes, those narratives often underpin forcing modesty on women, but fundamentally those narratives are about men having access and control to women’s bodies sexually and otherwise. That being said, by choosing modesty for myself especially as someone who is queer and who participates in non-normative relationships I cast off those narratives for the most important person when it comes to my clothes: myself. Absolutely no cis straight man is going to have access to my body in any sexual way.

Now, as I’ve shared recently, I have learned I’m not actually perisex. I’ve lived my whole life up until recently believing I was a perisex girl/woman, lived my life accordingly (in terms of sociality), and with the exception of some early childhood medical complications that might be related to being intersex, have all those typical perisex woman experiences. That being said, when talking about intersex bodies and access, the conversation (while sharing some similarities) quite noticeably shifts.

People love asking questions. Having sought out intersex community now one of the first questions people ask is how exactly you’re intersex, what variation you have, etc. and I’m also entirely aware (even if I haven’t experienced it yet) that making one’s intersexuality known prompts people to get rather nosy. When seeking out intersex community it’s entirely understandable, and (for the most part) I’ve been able to keep my variations private without any pushback. Perisex people though are an entirely different can of worms. Having people ask about your genitals, call you the h-slur, and other such intersexist responses are most definitely going to occur if I’m open about being intersex long enough. For some reason being intersex means gross and invasive questions that are entirely inappropriate for their social context are actually completely warranted, but I would personally love to distance myself from that as well be limiting people’s visual access to my body.

Content warning for next paragraph: Vague mentions of sexual assault and harassment.

I’m not exactly a stranger to uncomfortable situations with some sexual context. Whenever I’ve experienced instances of someone else’s sexuality/curiosity being forced on me like being asked creepy sexual questions or having random drunk men grab me, I’ve been very thankful for the layers between myself and them. I get the almost overwhelming feeling that I want to hide, and when I can’t do that, having some obscurement via my clothes is comforting. I’ve had to deal with such problems in both skimpy outfits and my current more modest outfits, and it’s been a welcome barrier between myself and the outside world that can frequently be so hostile and dismissive of my own autonomy. (Which, note: instances of harassment did not decrease when I started dressing modestly and in a couple instances of assault can actually be attributed directly to me dressing modestly. So. Once again I’m drilling into your head modesty does not prevent this behavior.)

Content warning end.

All this to say, being intersex makes me more vulnerable to things like this. People are going to treat my body like some weird sexual-medical mix of a curiosity shop, but if I can’t stop people throwing rocks in my windows I can at least put up some bars that only I have the key to. Add that on top of the pressure intersex people feel to educate, to raise awareness, to be seen, just for a chance at having some semblance of respect. I don’t feel like I should put my literal body on the line to be public discourse, to be scrutinized by every person who hears the juicy details. The intersex activists who do that have a tremendous amount of strength, courage, and self-resilience that I simply do not have. Couple that with me simply not being an activist, and I find it entirely reasonable to want to keep the nature of my anatomy entirely to myself.

All this to say if you send an ask inquiring about my variation or about what’s between my legs (gross) I will either politely or scathingly decline to answer depending on your tone/context.

[sirens-and-scarves]

When I started veiling and growing out my hair long because it was seen as honorable in the tradition I’m following (the long hair, not the veiling) I didn’t really understand why. Now that I’ve put in untold hours of hair care just for maintenance and health…I get it. The patience. The work. The consistency. Yeah, I get it. My arms hurt because French braiding my hair takes forever, but at least I get it.

Anyways this is your sign to do things without fully understanding why. You can learn as you do things, you don’t need to be fully formed in your relationship with something before you even start!