Was watching one of my old comfort shows, and I realized this scene is probably how the Hogwarts faculty reacted to the news of Headmaster Black's boils.
Original video - from *Are You Being Served*
Edit: Damn, I spelled Hecat's name wrong halfway through... Forgive me!
HL Patronus Headcanons 4: Who Let the Profs Out 🐾 🐾 🐾
Oh look! It’s time for the faculty meeting from hell.
That’s right, folks! This one’s just the professors (all dem Profs except for Fig & Weasley since they were already mentioned in Part 2).
The staffroom is open, the tea is cold, and their Patronuses are about to tell on them harder than Peeves with a megaphone 📣👻
Alright cuties, the time hath come. Release the professors, release the Patronuses, release the CHAOS! And most importantly…
*Liam Neeson voice* RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!! 🐙🔥
Professor Aesop Sharp -> Bear
Let's talk about Daddy—*ahem*I mean, Professor Sharp. (…listen. No, don’t look at me like that. You know as well as I do you think the same thing. 🫵 Sit down and listen.)
Anyway, a bear is the perfect Patronus for him. Bears are symbols of raw power, solitude, and enduring loyalty. They don’t roar around picking fights—they mind their own business, keep to themselves, and you’d be smart to leave them be. But the second you threaten what they protect? It’s over. Settle your affairs.
Scarred, gruff, and very much not here for your nonsense, Sharp's whole vibe is quiet authority. He’s a man who’s been through hell, endured it, and came out the other side with patience, strength, and exactly zero tolerance for bullshit. The bear Patronus mirrors that: immense fortitude, loyalty that runs deep, and a guardian’s instinct that’s all the more profound because it was hard-won.
So yes, call him intimidating, call him unapproachable—but you know if a Dementor showed up, his spectral bear would step between you and the dark like an immovable wall. Strong, scarred, steadfast. Daddy—sorry, PROFESSOR Sharp..........🥵
And yes, this is me calling back to my own Proud Patronus Headcanon from Part 1: Garreth’s otter vs Sharp’s bear is the most unintentionally comedic pairing in Hogwarts. The otter, alchemy-proof mischievous, dragging you into potions heist after potions heist. Like the time he asked you to snag a Fwooper feather from Sharp’s office so he could experiment and it spectacularly backfired into fireworks RIGHT IN FRONT OF SHARP!
And Sharp (bless him) just breathes like he’s fought this war before, delivers the withering callout, claws off some Gryffindor points, and reminds you he’s the immovable bear in the room.
(Four prior years of Garreth’s buffoonery have worn him down more than the Ministry. I tell you, that man’s probably got a countdown scratched on his bedroom wall of when Garreth finally graduates and leaves him in peace.)
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Professor Dinah Hecat -> Adder/Viper
Listen. If anyone at Hogwarts was born to have a snake Patronus, it’s Professor Hecat. (LITERALLY, if not for any other reason, simply for her sass levels! Absolutely dripping venom, no mercy, whoever’s on the receiving end completely burned to ashes.)
and I'm not talking about a flashy basilisk or boa constrictor or some shit. I'm saying a BLOODY adder. Small, coiled, efficient. Patient until the exact second she strikes, and then it’s over before you even realize what happened.
That’s her whole teaching style. She’s not here to coddle you, she’s here to weaponize you. She’ll drill you on rolling, blasting, countering, until your wand arm aches, because her entire philosophy is survival > spectacle. And the quote that sums it all up:
“Perhaps you’d be good enough to blast each other to pieces on your own time. I get new students every year, but I only have one Hebridean Black skull.”
(So extremely done with Sebastian & Leander's baboonery! 🤣 Like, you wanna be absolute dimwits and kill each-other? That's fine. Just don't bother me with it. I have a class to teach. Pure venom-laced sass from a woman who has seen some things.)
Canon has her as Ravenclaw (of course), rumoured Department of Mysteries alum (also of course), and it shows. Everything about her screams: observe, calculate, strike with precision. She doesn’t waste time, she doesn’t waste words, and she absolutely does not waste hexes.
Hecat isn’t drama. Hecat is survival. And if you’re smart, you’ll take notes before she decides you’re not worth keeping alive.
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Professor Mirabel Garlick -> Bumblebee
OKAY HEAR ME OUT! The bumblebee is not flashy or menacing but it is absolutely essential.
The fluffy buzzy is a damn pollinator! Quietly moving life from place to place, making everything around her grow. That’s Garlick to the roots. She’s Muggle-born, Hufflepuff, and pure greenhouse sunshine — the professor who literally says the most important thing cultivated in Herbology is knowledge.
Her whole story is growth coded: London city kid, didn’t feel at home till Hogwarts, then blossomed and found a wild affinity for magical plants. Now her flowery language charms half the castle while students worry she’ll one day run off to some other greenhouse because she’s just that good. Always working, always nurturing, always in demand.
But don’t confuse gentle with weak. This woman is also the same woman that hands you an assignment that basically says, “go field-test a Venomous Tentacula and then Mandrake-scream a crowd of enemies.” Queen bee logic much?
So yeah, a glowing bee that hums like sunlight, tends the beds, and only unsheathes the stinger when it has to. Warmth, diligence, community. The quiet kind of strength that keeps the whole garden alive.
WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU MY QUEEN!!! 💛🐝💛🐝💛🐝
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Professor Abraham Ronen -> Panther
Panthers are stealthy charm with claws. Graceful, magnetic, and (on occasion) a little bit mischievous. And Professor Ronen? He teaches like a panther moves: light on his feet, smile first… and then suddenly he’s five steps ahead of you and you’re learning without realizing you’ve been outplayed.
Canon receipts? Sure! He literally bakes games into Charms class — Accio through Summoner’s Court is his whole “learning = play” manifesto. I honestly believe his personal motto (What's a motto? Nothing what's the motto with you?) is "make it look fun, then strike clean."
The twinkle and flourish isn’t an act either, it’s a learned trait. Strict upbringing? He turned study into play to survive it, got obsessed with Gobstones, and even met his wife during a lively tournament. He’s also a former Slytherin, which explains the sly grace under all that warmth. Cunning without cruelty. Dignity without the ego trip. Proving once and for all Slytherins aren't simply manipulative arrogant narcissists.
Some use their smarts to actually connect with students and teach them with love.
Sleek in the shadows, protective when it counts. The kind of guardian that pads alongside you, purring through practice matches — and then, when the danger shows its teeth, answers with quiet, surgical ferocity.
In Ronen’s class, cleverness and kindness walk hand in hand… right up until he wipes the board with you at Summoner’s Court and calls it “excellent progress.”
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Professor Mudiwa Onai -> African Fish Eagle
This one’s basically another Marauder-style case where the Patronus and Animagus share the same form (talked about this is part 1 for Natty) . We been knew. But she deserves her own moment, because wow. 🥹
The fish eagle is rare and majestic, soaring with clarity of vision and an almost unnerving calm. A watcher between worlds—sky, land, and water. The fish eagle waits, watches, and when the moment’s right, dives like a spear. That duality is Onai in a nutshell: serene on the surface, lethal when the strike comes.
(As a mother does because we all know, ALL MOMS ARE SECRETLY RAPTORS — even the tiniest, gentlest, soft-spoken ones, like my own tiny mommy🥹, will go full MEDUSA if their family’s threatened OR they’ll spear you just as fast the second you slip up. Which is EXACTLY what we get a front-show seat to as MC to watch Professor Onai hand Natty her entire ass on a silver platter💀.... Love you Mom, you're the best.)
Professor Onai taught Divination at Uagadou, built her life around her Sight, and yet tragedy still blindsided her. Her husband was murdered while she was away, a vision never came, and the grief shattered her. She left Africa for Hogwarts, carrying that weight — and here’s the heartbreak detail — she stopped transforming into her eagle Animagus after. The bird that once meant freedom became unbearable.
So the fact that her Patronus still takes the shape of a fish eagle? That’s everything. It’s the part of her soul that refuses to die with her grief. The same fierce raptor who guards Natty, guards her students, and sees truths others miss. The eagle says: yes, I’ve known loss. Yes, I’ve been broken. But I will not stop watching, I will not stop protecting, and I will never stop striking when it matters.
Honestly, in my opinion, one of most badass Patronus/Animagus combos in the entire wizarding world. 🦅✨🦅✨🦅✨
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Professor Bai Howin -> Occamy
Occamys aren’t just pretty serpentine birds — they’re absolutley fantastic beasts! (Catch the pun? 🤭 *Ba-Dum-Tsss*🥁)
They're choranaptyxic, meaning they literally resize to fit the space they’re in. Newt Scamander famously baited one into a teapot with nothing but a cockroach. They’re elegant, almost whimsical, until you go near their nest, and then it’s surgical aggression. They don’t waste fury; they save it for the eggs, whose shells are made of purest silver. Poachers foam at the mouth; Occamies foam at you.
That vibe is so Howin coded. She’s Hogwarts’ Beasts professor with a reverence for magical creatures and a pragmatic streak: creatures are to be protected, respected, and used responsibly (gear, ingredients, even wand cores) NOT slaughtered for Galleons.
She loathes poachers, and it all goes back to her youth. She tells us that she once witnessed poachers killing an Occamy for its silver eggs, and the horror of it marked her forever. Watching such a magnificent creature cut down for greed lit a fire in her. From then on, she swore she’d dedicate her life to teaching that magical beasts are more than their parts. That moment with the Occamy didn’t just shape her career, it carved her entire moral compass. And I think that alone would mark her Patronus shaping itself into an Occamy.
I feel like Howin'll literally coo over Puffskeins and then assign you homework that reads like, “handle those claws properly or lose a hand.” Wonder and ward, in one professor. If you walk into Beasts class thinking creatures are plushies, she’ll choranaptyxically expand your perspective in about five seconds flat.
All in all, Occamys wrap their wings around the precious and makes sure it stays precious which is exactly what Howin does for her beasts, her students, and the magic they share.
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Professor Satyavati Shah -> Snow Leopard
*David Attenborough voice*
The mighty Snow Leopard… known to many as "the Ghost of the Mountains". Solitary, elusive, and honed for survival where little else endures. It does not roar like their African counterparts. Instead, Snow Leopards watch in silence, calculating, waiting for the precise moment to pounce. Able to jump fifteen meters in a single bound, gliding across the void effortlessly. A predator of shadows, shrouded in mystery, and yet a marvel of balance, vigilance, and rare strength.
GUESS WHO'S GOT THAT AS A PATRONUS? That's right, ya girl Professor Shah! (aka the Ghost of the Astronomy Tower. Beauty by day, annihilating your star chart by night.)
Shah is Ravenclaw, raised around Muggle science, and she treats Astronomy like… actual astronomy. Literally roasts Professor Onai to us by saying, “Astronomy is not Divination… if you devote yourselves to persistent and painstaking observation, you might catch a glimpse.” That’s her whole thesis, and you feel it from the moment she clocks you for showing up without your own telescope and sends you down the rabbit hole of Astronomy Tables with Amit. Critical thinking > vibes. Evidence > tea leaves.
She’s also got that quiet, relentless scholar energy off-hours: writing to her Squib sister about Muggle astronomers revising their meteor-shower math, planning a nerd trip to Jantar Mantar in Delhi… Tell me that’s not a snow leopard picking a perfect ridge line to see what nobody else can. Vigilant, independent, and miles above the noise.
Snow leopards also have this almost celestial presence—pale coats flecked with rosettes like stars on the night sky, drifting along ridge-lines where the air thins and the heavens feel closer. (I feel like a damn poet). They’re crepuscular (i just learned that word and had to flex. It means most active at dawn and dusk), that magical twilight when earth blurs into starlight.
And dig this folklore layer: across the Himalayas and Central Asia, snow leopards are revered as guardians of the high places, spiritual messengers, and symbols of purity, protection, and transformation. In Tibetan culture, they’re seen as patron spirits whose favour can determine a community's well-being, or its danger. And in Mongolian and Buddhist traditions, they’re viewed as divine messengers or bringers of good fortune
All this to say a Snow Leopard is SO in tune with Shah's entire vibe and her beliefs about and love for astronomy. She guides her students to read cosmos with the same vigilant authority a snow leopard brings to its mountain domain.
My GOD she's so amazing. RESPECT PROFESSOR SHAH OR GET YEETED OFF THE ASTRONOMY TOWER! 💫🐆
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Professor Chiyo Kogawa -> Pheonix
Here we go again, another professor with a fantastic beast as a Patronus 🤭 (I know, I know, I’m lame. Ba-dum-tsss 🥁. Okay I'll stop with the puns...maybe). But honestly? None could fit Kogawa better.
Phoenixes are LIVING FIRE! They burst into flame, reinvent themselves, and aren’t stopped by death. Their tears heal basilisk venom, their song inspires courage, and they can carry weights ten times their own like blazing freight trains. They don’t just survive... they fucking transform and transcend the natural world.
That’s Kogawa to her core. Raised at Mahoutokoro, trained with the legendary Toyohashi Tengu, she burned bright as a Quidditch prospect until betrayal knocked her from the skies. And what did she do? I"Ll TELL YOU WHAT THIS BADDY DID! She rose from the ashes, broom in hand, fiercer than before and became a damn amazing Hogwarts Professor! (Biggest 🖕 to all them naysayers)
And you feel that in her flying lessons: precision drills, sharp reprimands, and then unshakable encouragement when you push through. She projects across the pitch like a flame in the wind — fierce, commanding — but when she sees your effort, there’s nothing warmer.
Just ask Everett Clopton, who barely survives being flambéed alive every time he opens his mouth or touches his broom wrong! (woops...that sounded....YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! Y'all nasty, get your mind outta the gutter.)
And if you want proof she’s pure phoenix fire? Just look at that quest where we polyjuice into Headmaster Black. She marches right up, hand on hip, and absolutely unloads on “Black” for cancelling Quidditch. No flinching, no fear, just volcanic fury at the injustice. EVEN GOING AS FAR TO THREATEN HIM, TO HIS FUCKING FACE, ABOUT TAKING MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS AND GOING TO THE MINISTRY!!!!
Watching her spit fire in the face of the Headmaster was like actually the most amazing thing ever, I liiiiiiiiveee. Fully convinced she’s got pure lava in her veins instead of blood.
If this isn’t the most Fawkes-ionable flying instructor in Hogwarts history, I don’t know who is. 🥁🔥 (OKAY OKAY 'M SORRY I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF! Don't @ me!)
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We interrupt your regularly scheduled dose of Duncan Slander™ with Headmaster Mockery!
Phineas Nigellus Black -> Peacock
LET. ME. TELL YOU ABOUT THIS OTHER BITCH I HATE JUST AS MUCH AS DUNCAN!!!
A PEACOCK! OF COURSE IT’S A FUCKING PEACOCK! The most vain, screechy, empty-headed bird in the entire animal kingdom. All feathers, no fight. Its whole survival strategy is “look at me, aren’t I pretty?” while being completely useless otherwise. If you’ve ever heard a peacock scream, you know it’s basically the avian equivalent of nails on a chalkboard (don't believe me? click this and turn your volume down) — which, funny enough, is ALSO what listening to Black monologue about himself, his "prestigious family" 🙄, and pure-bloods feels like.
This man is canonically the least-liked Headmaster Hogwarts has ever had in history (DUMBLEDORE LITERALLY BEEFS WITH HIS FUCKING PORTRAIT IN THE BOOKS ALL. THE. TIME!), and gee I wonder why.
He openly despises students, cancels Quidditch “for their safety” (aka because it made him look good), and struts around the castle like he’s Merlin reincarnate when he can barely manage basic human decency. He’s a pure-blood elitist, lazy as hell, and the only time he shows passion is when he’s complaining. Man’s Patronus doesn’t even protect — it just shrieks “NOTICE ME” and collapses.
THIS MAN ALSO OPENLY CONDONES BULLYING IN HIS SCHOOL! Have y'all ever walked past that one NPC ambient clip of him? Here I'll link it for you so you can rage with me: Black being a grade A A-HOLE 😤😤😤😤
Honestly? A spectral peacock fanning its feathers and screaming at Dementors while doing nothing of value is the most accurate possible metaphor for this pompous balloon of a man.
LMAO, Ominis literally has a random ambient line where he goes "I don't mind saying that I find it hard to comprehend that Black has a wife. What sort of witch would take that man's hand in marriage? I suppose, on the other hand, it means there's hope for us lot."
THAT FUCKING SENT ME! I was cackling for like a whole 10 minutes when I first heard that, couldn't play the rest of the game 🤣🤣🤣
The ONLY positive thing I will ever say about Phineas Nigellus Black is that Simon Pegg voices him and absolutely KILLS every line. King ate. Served. Devoured. Love you Simon ❤️❤️❤️, hate your bird. 🦚
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And that’s the Hogwarts faculty of 1890: icons, legends, absolute powerhouses… and then there’s Blaa—uuuughhh 🤮🙄🦚
Everyone else? 10/10, would take a class again.
But for now, class is dismissed, cuties. ✨📚
📚 Masterlist | Part 1️⃣ | Part 2️⃣ | Part 3️⃣ | Part 5️⃣
