We tried visualizing Novi putting us to sleep to fall asleep.
Headspace in the Beach District is a giant bed in a giant bedroom, so that part is easy. Ramone and Oliver were already in bed, half asleep, but Bear was keeping them up by rambling incessantly about The Book and everything we know about our system now (ie practicing what to say in therapy). So Novi comes into the room and tells Bear it’s time for bed. Bear changes into sleepwear and has his teddy bear and gets tucked into bed. Novi wishes the boys goodnight, and the light goes out. It feels warm and cozy. Everything starts to go calm internally.
Then there’s a feeling of discomfort and unease. And Ramone says to Novi that Hollow’s here.
Hollow’s at the door, indistinguishable from the shadow of the hall, just a pair of red eyes and visible anatomical heart, beating with the body’s now rapidly beating heart from PTSD-induced anxiety. Novi tells Hollow it’s time for bed. The room becomes covered with veins, built into the walls and furniture (like the tendrils of the Upside Down in Stranger Things), the veins drum loudly in time with our racing heart and we open our eyes.
Suddenly realizing why we probably have “aphantasia” when we’re under stress like this :/
Also realizing Bear’s rambling was more than likely a distraction from … That. The brothers can’t notice Hollow being plagued by PTSD of Bear is being “loud” and “annoying” about innocent stuff.
This is reminding us of the last time this happened. Can’t remember what it was about, just that we thought initially it was trauma induced self-sabotage, but then our therapist said it’s more that we’re Busy, Busy, Busy and once we lay down for the day we’re Calm and can’t tune out/distract from Whatever The Problem Is.
Work was good, our evening was good, and now we’re in bed and Calm and the PTSD is saying, “heyyy~”.
Well maybe more like “Ǹ̷̻͖͕͕͎̞̜̻̪͝ơ̶̡̧͚͇̻͍͔̫͒̈́͋͛̄̃̊t̴̛̯͔̠̱͔̍̓̔̑̓̀̅̆̂́͌̏̋́i̵͕͇̩͍̤̮̲̎͛̀̂̄̒͆́̂̔̅̔͊̅̕ͅč̴̩̫͍̭̲̗̓̈̀̑́̎̊̈͋̽̆͗̚͜͠ę̵͓̆̎̐̋̌̄͂̿͒̅̀̀͐͗ ̸̟͚̻̊m̸̰̬̬̈̎͑́̎̑̽̐̾̓̓e̷̢̪̙̖̠̮̤͉̔̈́͜,̴̦̥̀͌̾̀̕͠ ̴̨̨̨̺̘̙̩̅͆̅͌̄̓̓̒̃̿́̎̚͠ṣ̵̨͋͆̎̈́̔̉͜é̵̛̤͙̪͕̠̑̋̏̿̃̓͑͛͆́n̸̨̨̢̡̰͎̩̟̯͉̟͕̪̓́̿̈́̀̽̑̌͒́͘͘͝p̴̡̠̥͖͚͇̜̔͆̋̆̍͝a̷̩̤̿̃̐̿̽̚͠ĭ̷̡̢͓͉̪̩̓̋̀̀̒̔̂͠ͅ ̵̧̧̨̣͔̪̪̤̈̔”
We have to be awake in 4 hours to work a 9 hour shift :(
