Change Doesn’t Mean Something Is Wrong..
Change is something I’ve always been afraid of.
But as I continue growing, I’m understanding more and more that change is necessary for growth. And sometimes, growth asks us to face challenges we never expected.
The challenge of getting to know yourself more deeply.
The challenge of keeping yourself safe.
The challenge of setting boundaries, even when you don’t want to.
The challenge of meeting an entirely different version of yourself—one you didn’t even know existed.
And sometimes growth comes with a lot of goodbyes.
Paths that once crossed no longer feel like paths you’re meant to walk. Things that once sparked your interest or satisfied that craving for “more” no longer exist within you.
People change. Relationships change. Circumstances change. And sometimes, we change.
Something I have to admit is that I’m terrified of change. And I know how strange that might sound coming from someone who grew up surrounded by it.
But maybe that’s exactly why.
From around the age of five to fourteen, change was a constant part of my life. Moving from house to house. School to school. City to city.
Nothing ever felt completely stable.
And when you’re a child, you don’t always have the tools to understand or process that kind of instability. You simply learn to adapt.
You learn to keep moving.
There was no other choice.
So when someone talks about change now, a part of me says, “Yeah, sure. I can handle it.”
But internally, the red flags start waving. For a long time, I couldn’t understand why.
Change can trigger the younger version of me who was always told, in one way or another, to just deal with it.
Act like everything was still okay.
Except sometimes it wasn’t okay.
And sometimes it wasn’t normal.
I noticed when certain adults withheld love from me during times of change.
I noticed when routines shifted.
I noticed when my light seemed to trigger something in other people.
I observed everything happening around me, and eventually, I started allowing those experiences to dictate how I saw myself and the world around me.
The justice that never came.
For so long, I carried those things as though they were evidence that something had been wrong with me.
I would sit and ask myself:
Where did I go wrong? What did I do that made people change the way they treated me? Why does change always seem to come with something painful attached to it? Why does something have to go wrong every time something changes?
If I could, I’d probably punch the universe in the face and yell, “Hey, what the fuck, man?” 😂
Because for a long time, I genuinely believed that every change had something to do with me.
I’m learning that change happening does not mean something is wrong with me.
Change happening does not automatically mean something bad is coming next.
A shift in circumstances does not mean I have to brace myself for disaster.
A change in scenery, a job, a relationship, a friendship, a career, a hairstyle, a belief system, or even the way I choose to live my life does not determine my worth or who I am at my core.
And perhaps one of the hardest lessons has been understanding that it is not my responsibility to make sure everyone around me continues moving according to the plans, expectations, or version of life I once imagined.
People are allowed to change.
Paths are allowed to end.
Things are allowed to no longer resonate with me.
And I am allowed to outgrow what once felt like home.
That doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful.
It doesn’t mean it was all a mistake.
It doesn’t mean someone is bad or that I am bad.
Sometimes, it simply means that something has served its purpose. And yes, change can hurt. Goodbyes can hurt.
Outgrowing people, places, identities, and versions of ourselves can hurt like hell sometimes.
But pain does not mean I’m going backward.
Uncertainty does not mean I’m unsafe.
And change does not mean something terrible is waiting around the corner.
I’m learning that I can experience change without abandoning myself in the process.
I can feel afraid and still move forward.
I can grieve what was while making room for what is.
I can honor the little girl who had no choice but to adapt while reminding her that I am no longer that little girl.
And most importantly, I have myself.
Maybe growth isn’t about becoming someone completely different.
Maybe sometimes it’s about becoming someone who finally understands that change was never proof that something was wrong with her.
Sometimes, change is simply life saying:
And this time, I don’t have to run from it. I can meet it where it is.
