The same man that makes me cry myself to sleep is also the same man that’s been in my best the most this entire year. How insane am I? Why do I keep allowing these stupid cycles to continue?? Every time I try to hold him accountable for something he avoids me and blocks my number then I go insane and reach out on a text free app trying to beg for why he treats me this way then he tells me what I want to hear and comes over unblocks my number then he dismisses me again and the cycle starts over for the past 12 months…
We are both bipolar. He is type 1 and I am type 2 and idk if that plays a huge part or it’s a ego/pride thing or what but in the past couple months that man has told me (in order of events)
1. He blocked me the first time bc I can’t handle the kind of turmoil and up/down, hot/cold kind of temperament in any part of his life and that he can barely handle normal life shit.
2. That he only wanted to block me once
2. Told me to recognize my position
3. He loves me as leaving my apartment on my birthday and that it was “a accident”
4. Threaten to get a restraining order on me
5. Told me contrary to what I believe he misses me (said on text free app)
6. Told me he would do better and that he’s “sorry” (plot twist he still remained a avoidant)
IM GOING INSANE!!! I feel so so gaslit that I’m all bad and everything is my fault and that I don’t deserve love! I just wanted to be heard and loved and considered!! What sucks is we never dated!! Feb/March he used to be obsessed with each other and spend every weekend together and confessed feelings to me now he hates me so much I’m so sad about it every day and I know I’m crazy.