You may never read this and I am just fine with that. I don’t write for you or your ghost any longer. Your memory may inspire, it may start a spark and then I let the darkness wash over me…keeping one foot on the ledge…ready to jump into my mind and have the memories play and play again…oh how they will play on and on if I let them. However, I have to shut it down because even if I start with a good memory the dark ones latch on and send my head spinning and I’m lost back in those days. How I have grown so detached, so much colder and even more broken. But the broken are the more traveled, we are more understanding and more evolved. The scars from heartache and tragedy are not a badge to be worn, it is nothing to brag about, it is for ourself, it is our reminders, our growth, it is a piece of the old us that once was. Lost loves and sleepless nights…oh the countless sleepless nights…feeling as though I am dying for you…dying to go back to our little world. Now my memories of those nights are distant and all but forgotten. I used to think so differently, I used to see love differently and think I had “the one”…but I will never say there isn’t such a love…I will say that love can still destroy us and leave us shattered trying our damnedest to pick up the pieces. But the more broken the pieces are the less that gets put back together and that’s where our scars form. A love so beautiful can turn into the ugliest of pains. How to rid yourself of the pains? You let yourself get angry, sad and numb. Then you let yourself rebuild and start a new. Truth is we can live without anyone…we just have to let ourselves and remember just because the love you shared with that person was unique and you were thinking forever with them…that doesn’t mean the relationship’s forever isn’t coming to an end tomorrow.
