Christopher Tester (Heinrix VA) voice acting a part of my fanfiction Immortalium.
It is a scene that isn’t posted yet that follows the game event in act 4 where the Rogue Trader can disappear again on a companion quest (spoiler for the companion below and in the video).
While sadly not in the game, I think we can imagine the emotions Heinrix must be going through at this moment:
He is angry with himself, that he wasn't able to prevent this from happening, angry with whoever is responsible for the Rogue Trader to disappear
He is emotionally hurt and in great pain as he just lost the woman (again), that he fell in love with
The sheer helplessness that he can't do anything to help her come back
There are moments where he clinges on hope and where he tries to keep control over his emotions, to distance himself from the pain like he always does
He is remorseful over things he said and did that hurt her, and the missed opportunities to make it right (this is specific for my fanfic)
The voiced scene is Heinrix trying to write a letter to his beloved Rogue Trader, even if his words might never reach her. While writing, he voices his thoughts about the whole ordeal.
I hope you enjoy Christophers very emotional performance as much as I did:
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The whole text (as I mentioned, this is while he is trying to write a letter):
“Dear… no.”
“Lord Captain...”
“I... I lost you.”
“And now we are dragged against our will along the unpredictable currents of the warp, unable to steer a path of our own, to break away into realspace once again, a plaything of volatile forces. But we shouldn't even be here, it wasn't planned and the usual protocols and rituals were not done. What were you and Lady Cassia doing in the sanctum? Why was no one else informed? What were you hiding? Would you have told me if things had been different between us?”
“No. No! Right on this ship, right under my nose ... what am I not seeing?”
“Gone. How many hours have I spent in front of this accursed painting, looking for a sign, a trace, wondering if something would drag me through it like it did with you? Granting me relief by uniting me with you or a slow death of agony in the horrors of the warp.”
“Nothing. Despite everything I tried, everything I did, all the investigations, interrogations...can you believe that I even asked Idira for help, to listen to the voices in the warp against my better knowledge and judgement, still leaving me with nothing that brings me closer to you, to help you return.”
“What good is the authority of my position, years of experience that refined my skills and abilities, all my collected knowledge, even my sorcery, if it can't help me protect or save the one who matters most to me?”
“Trap after trap after trap we went through - with open eyes. Even the one I knew was coming. Whatever happened now, took me by complete surprise. It shouldn't have.”
“I can't sleep and I am too tired to think clearly anymore. I am at a loss.”
“No. Focus, van Calox. I won't give up - there must be an explanation, a solution, a better way than just waiting for another miracle to happen. I have to do something, anything to bring you back. It can't end like this.”
“Every day can be the last … I learned this lesson far too well – why didn't I act like it? Letting valuable time run through my fingers as if we had eternity to spend. As if there was for sure a tomorrow to tell you what I need you to know, to make things right, to get another chance to hold you, to be with you.”
“I only ever wanted to protect you. I failed. Again. Trying to keep you safe but all I accomplished was to push you away and to hurt your feelings in the process. I was blinded by revenge against the Xenos, for all the pain and suffering they had inflicted upon us. By my concern and fear it could happen again. If I had done things differently maybe... but now it's too late.”
“Hope. How often is it used as a tool, perverted in a cruel attempt to increase the pain of suffering? I have seen it countless times. Did it myself. And yet, it is all I have left. I hope for your safe return. For another chance for both of us, one I would dare not waste again.”
“Commoragh. We returned, against all odds. Maybe we were just pawns in a game of gods. I like to believe the Emperor watched over us in this forsaken place. I hope he still watches over you and helps you return once more, wherever you are. Because I, apparently, can't.”
For my fanfiction Immortalium, I have written a poem - it is meant to be written at the end of the story by Heinrix himself.
I am not that far in my story but I wanted to share it already. It is also voiced by Christopher Tester (Heinrix's VA) thanks to Cameo.
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Here the full text:
In my life, I have sailed through an ocean of pain,
seeking refuge on an island of duty.
If only my soul had been without a sorcerer's stain,
could I have lived a life adorned with beauty?
At times, I find myself dreaming of what might have been -
living as a valiant knight, piloting my noble machine.
All my lonely travels across the stars,
in devotion to the golden throne's mastery.
Unspeakable horrors deepened my scars,
as I braved the unknown and endured the agony.
Yet my sky remained an endless expanse of remorse.
In the God-Emperor's name; my rosette - a symbol of force.
Then you came and my walls began to fall apart.
The ice broke with talks at the fireside,
you appealed to the kindness in my heart,
and we grew closer over regicide.
You helped me to deal with the misery of my past.
I tried to keep my distance, but I fell for you so fast.
You show me the beauty of love's embrace,
your touch heals me and soothes my soul,
revealing a world of wonder and grace.
Your love completes me and makes me whole.
You saved me from myself, it's true -
I never knew happiness before I held you.
The cold was dispelled and with it my doubt.
You always see the good in me.
The warmth embraced, hope throughout.
Now united, we can both truly be free.
Nothing matters as long as we're together.
I pledge my love and loyalty to you, forever.
Please note:
I know that love does not miraculously heal trauma, that is not meant here and does not happen in my story (in addition - my girl Venria is a biomancer and can actually heal at least the body with a touch).
While it is based on in game dialog (you will recognize it surely) some things are unique to my story (like the fireside talks - in game we only have the date there later).
I also understand if people might find it cringeworthy (sorry, I tried) - I am really no poet. But I am still happy with it and like to share it anyway.
