Heh, guys what if. What if Lucien woke up years later (maybe like 3-5 after end of campaign) and he has nothing. He's essentially at level 1. His blood won't respond to him. He has no weapons. It's easy to get grabbed by slavers when he can't defend himself and is alone. It's harder to keep his pride when he can't save himself. They break his horns, snapping them where they curve outward so he can't use them against them. They threaten to cut off his tail, to cut out his tongue. It's easy to believe that they'll do it when he's watched them do it to another slave for less.
It's even easier to believe that the "heroes" will hurt him again when they've killed him in the past already. What's stopping them from doing it again?
The m9 don't know what to do when they break up a slave trading ring only to find someone they thought was gone and dead a long time ago.
Maybe he really is dead because this Lucien isn't the Lucien they faced a those years ago. This one is broken and bruised and terrified of them.
Content Warning: Mentions of Neil's attempt and depression.
Neil survives, he didn't mean to, but he did. All the poets see him in the hospital and he feels sick to his stomach. They shouldn't have to see him like this especially Todd. So, he tries to get better. He wants to live, for Todd.
He gets better a little, he's spending time with everyone, and Todd. They get closer and closer and eventually they start dating. Neil thinks he should be happier than he is. He loves and cares for Todd hell he wants to live just for Todd.
Todd notices that Neil is hiding his emotions from him. He tries to gently pry and ask how he's doing more and Neil lies and says he's happy. He's not and Todd knows he's not. Neil can't tell him how unhappy he is in this relationship, even though he wants it.
They argue one night, Todd never really gets angry though his anger is clearly from a place of concern. Neil spills it all how he doesn't feel happy, that he's alive for Todd because he knows Todd needs him. Todd asks Neil if he wants to be alive for himself at all. Neil doesn't know how to answer.
Todd asks Neil to talk to someone, to get help because he can't be the only reason why Neil doesn't kill himself. Neil agrees, reluctantly and talks with a therapist (with his mom's help). There he realizes he needs to find his own reasons for living for himself. He begins working on it, taking up hobbies and doing things he wants to do. Over the course of a few months he feels better. He's probably in the 60-70 range of feeling, but it was better than he was before. He'll continue to get better. Todd and the Poets are there with him and they aren't the only ones who want Neil to get better. Now he does as well.
---
I wrote this really quickly and I have no true idea how good this is or how original it is. I was listening to "the cure" by Olivia Rodrigo and just word vomited. I also am posting this the day after I wrote it because I had to sit with it for a little. I think it's very fucking angsty, but a decent idea.
Have a request, question, or just want to chat? Send me an Ask.
cw-: ANGST HELLA ANGST, one sided love, best friends to strangers, marriage!, pregnancy and childbirth mentioned!, tears, Neuvillette mentioned!
🎀 authorsnote: literally cried halfway through this so enjoy fr
please don't steal my work!
Wriothesley and you have been friends for years, being locked up in the Fortress together and being closely the same age, you stuck to each other like glue.
Now everythings different, still best friends, but you moved to the surface..and fell for Monsieur Neuvillette. Wriothesley disliked this but never spoke on it, he just wanted his girl to be happy.
Even if she didn't know how he felt..
On one of your regularly scheduled hangouts with Wriothesley he brought up that a Melusine had reported seeing you and your...boyfriend...around the Opera House the other evening.
"Oh yes!" You beam with excitement. "Monsieur Neuvillette proposed!" You shake his arm, squealing into the night air.
“He proposed to you?” He quickly looks at your hand, looking for a ring. Once he spots it, he feels like he's been punched in the stomach..
He sighs. “And you said…?”
Gazing into your pretty eyes...god how they sparkle. No. Not now Wriothesley. Focus.
"I obviously said YES! I mean the opportunity doesn't come along everyday!" You sigh happily after.
He takes a deep breath before replying, trying to sound as monotone as possible. “…Congratulations.”
Every part of him was SCREAMING to tell you, tell you how he always wanted to be the one by your side, to propose, to marry you, to have kids with you. But he can’t bring himself to say any of that. Instead he continues. “Whens the wedding?”
"Nine months!" You chirp happily, twisting your ring on your finger. Your hair blows a bit in the wind.
“Nine months?” He tries to be as nonchalant as possible. “That’s… pretty soon.”
He looks at the ring one more time. It’s actually a very pretty ring. It suits you. He looks away, gazing over the hilltop you both were sitting on.
After a small pause of silence, all silent except for the small chirps and noises from the nighttime wildlife. You break the silence.
"You'll come right?"
He looks at your eyes. They look…excited about the whole thing. A part of himself wishes to destroy that excitement, to tell you that he doesn’t want to go, that he doesn’t want you to marry someone else.
He sighs. He could never say that to you. “Of course. How could I not go?”
Your mouth curls into a smile. "See I knew you'd understand..."
Don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blush.
He puts an arm around your waist awkwardly. A part of him would love to hold you forever, but the other part tells him it’s wrong. That he can’t do this, can’t get that close. That doesn’t stop him from savoring the moment, though.
Wriothesley lets out a small chuckle as he looks away. “Why wouldn’t I understand?”
"Neuvillette said you'd probably be upset. But I don't know why." You sigh softly with a confused expression on your face.
You looked so cute like that..
NO. Nuh uh Wriothesley, get it together!
"Is it cuz I'm getting married before you? Because Wriothesley believe me someone WILL marry you!" You pat his chest with your hand.
He couldn’t help but laugh at your last statement, amused by how confident you sound while saying such a thing. He smiles, still looking away.
“Oh yeah?” He asked, chuckling again, then sighed. “I don’t really care much about that. And I’m not upset, I assure you. I just…” He paused, like he’s thinking of what words to use next. “I just…want you to be happy.”
"You're a great friend Wrio..." You smile gently. "Wait wait!" You squeal, pulling away to stand in front of him before grabbing his arms. "Instead of a maid of honor I want you!"
Great…friend. Why does hearing that word hurt him so badly? He puts on a soft smile while looking at you once again.
"You’d want me to be your maid of honor?" He raised a brow jokingly.
You nod excitedly. "YEAH!" Jumping up and down, shaking him a bit in the process. "Wrio PLEASEEE!"
He watches your cute expression, as you jump, smile and look at him with those pleading eyes. He laughs at your excitement and shakes his head.
"Archons…fine. I accept."
You hug him crushingly tight before pressing a harsh kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, thank you!"
His eyes widen for a moment, not expecting the sudden hug. It takes a moment before he relaxes, putting his arms back around your body.
He smiled and let out a small laugh once again, feeling your warmth against him. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment. He then said in a sarcastic tone. "You’re gonna be the death of me…"
You let out a 'pfft' sound and roll your eyes. "Ahhh you know you love me~" You smirk teasingly.
He chuckled at your comment.
“Love” huh? If only you knew.
He then jokingly replied. “You’re a menace. You know that?”
You take his hands with a playful smile. "Yeah ok Wriothesley..."
He tries to pretend he isn’t affected by your smile or by you holding his hands. But his heart beats uncontrollably fast under his chest.
He looks down at your hands. Such small hands in his much bigger ones. He feels a sudden urge to close his fingers around yours, hold your hands tighter, never let you go.
"Ok now I have to go.." You sigh softly. "Neuvillette will be wondering why I'm home so late..."
Right. Neuvillette. He forgot about him for a short moment. Now being reminded of it, he felt that familiar feeling of jealousy again.
He swallowed before talking, trying to sound as calm as possible. “Yeah, I suppose you should go.”
"Same time next week?" You hold your pinky up with a glint in your eyes.
A small smile formed on his lips the moment he sees your cute, silly gesture, which he gladly returned with his own pinky, hooking yours on it. “Sure. Same time next week."
You let go of his pinky and walk off, looking over your shoulder to wave bye.
He watches you walk away, unable to take his eyes off you. Your figure, your hair flowing, the way you wave at him..he memorized every single detail. It’s not until you’re gone that he lets out a small sigh.
How is he going to watch you get married to someone else..and the Chief Justice no less...
That night he has the worst nightmares. Now others can say falling in your dreams or getting chased in them or natural disasters are the worst nightmares to have. But no. Wriothesleys was coming to terms with the fact you were getting married.
Not to him...
He tossed and turned in his sleep, dreaming nightmares. Nightmares of you, dreaming about you in a beautiful white wedding dress, walking down the aisle to the man waiting for you.
That stupid fucking judge...
You look joyful, happy, excited…and he can’t do anything. Nothing but watch you from afar, as you reach your destination and that horrible man holds your hands in his.
He CAN'T let that happen.
That single thought wakes him up from the dream. He gasps as he sits up on the bed, breathing heavily. He couldn’t do anything in the dream, but…could it be different in reality? He clenched his fists, determined to do something about it.
Days, weeks, and months fly by. The amount of times he had almost told you how he felt...yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. So now here he is, standing in the corner of the bridal room, watching you get ready to be wed to another man.
He tries to look calm, hiding how nervous he actually was. You look absolutely stunning in that wedding dress, but it only serves to remind him of the nightmare he had. Seeing you this close but not being able to stop you as you get ready to walk down the aisle, it felt like torture.
He takes a deep breath before speaking up, not looking at you directly. “You look… beautiful.”
Your eyes light up as you gaze at him in the mirror you were doing your hair in. "You promise?"
His heart skips a beat when you look at him through the mirror. He almost lost his composure for a moment, but he managed to reply with a smile. “Why do you even have to ask? Of course I mean it.”
As he watches you straighten your dress and take a deep breath you nibble your bottom lip. "Do you think Neuvillette will like it?" You whisper worriedly.
His grip on his tie tightened. The mention of that name irritates him, yet he puts on a fake smile.
“He’d be a fool if he doesn’t.”
Wriothesley keeps watching you with loving eyes that go unnoticed. Watching you being so excited about wedding, listening to you gush over Neuvillette, it makes his heart ache.
Eventually, when you start fixing your hair, he swallows before speaking up. “Can I say something?”
You just nod with a smile. Acknowledging him with a small hum.
He was about to say it, about to ask you to reconsider marrying that man. Then he looked at your smile, the way it lights up your entire face. Archons, you’re too beautiful…
But he has to say it. He has to make his feelings known, or he’d regret it forever.
He takes a deep breath, clenching his fists tightly. “Don’t marry him.”
..
...
....
The room plunges into a silence. Deadly quiet, you could probably hear a seam rip. He glances at the mirror at your fallen smile.
"...What?" You turn in your seat to face him.
Seeing the confused, hurt look on your face is almost too much for him to bear.
He stood up, looking straight into your eyes. He’ll say it even if you end up hating him.
“I…I don’t want you to marry him. I don’t want you to marry anyone, actually.”
He paused, taking a shaky breath. This is it. His one and only chance. “I…I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for a long, long time.”
..
...
....
You stand up, eyes narrowing with anger and something else he can't detect. He could care less...you look PISSED.
His heart beats even faster. He can’t tell what’s going on inside your head, your expression is neutral now, showing him no signs of what you’re feeling. He swallows and continues speaking, slowly, like he’s thinking each word carefully.
“I know I…I know I have no right to tell you not to marry someone else. This is your life and you can choose who you want to spend it with…But I couldn’t just stand and watch, as you marry someone else, without telling…without telling you how I really feel about you.”
You take a deep breath and fold your hands together. "Wriothesley. You had ALL the time in Teyvat to tell me this." Your whisper is deadly.
His shoulders lower, feeling the guilt of his own cowardness.
He looked down, unable to look into your eyes, before saying quietly in a guilt-ridden voice. “I know. I know. I should’ve said it sooner. I meant to, many times. But I… couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was… afraid.”
"You could've told me BEFORE Neuvillette!" You snap at him. Wriothesley flinches back a bit, you've never snapped at him.
“I know that too…!” He couldn’t help but raise his voice as well. “I know that. Archons, I’ve been beating myself up ever since the moment you told me you were dating him, asking myself why I didn’t just confess before all of this. But I was scared. I didn’t want to lose you, even as a friend. I…I was a goddamn coward.”
"Wriothesley this is bullshit!" You raise your voice again. Which causes him to do the same.
His usual calm and composed demeanor was long gone. He was yelling too, his voice filling the entire room. He’s glad the guests have moved to the cathedral and there’s no one else left in this room except you two.
He takes a deep, shaky breath trying to gather his thoughts and spoke again, his voice still rising in anger.
“You think I don’t know that?! You think I don’t regret the fact that I didn’t tell you sooner, that I didn’t tell you before you met Neuvillette?!”
You clap your hands together and grind your teeth together. "You think this is APPROPRIATE to tell me at my fucking WEDDING!?" You shout in his face.
“No! I know it’s not appropriate! I know it’s too late! I know you’ve made up your mind and I know this is horrible timing! But if I didn’t say it, I’d regret it forever!”
His voice was getting louder and louder. “You think I can watch you get married to him and pretend like I’m so happy for you? I’d be torturing myself!”
You just stare in shock and anger. "You...you can go!"
He paused to catch his breath. His heart was still beating fast from all the yelling, but his eyes widened at your words.
“What?” He said, in a much quieter voice. Is that what he heard right? Is she...asking him to leave? The same person who was so happy to have him as her 'maid' of honor, not less than an hour ago? “You’re… telling me to go?”
You turn away for a minute. "Get OUT." A dark whisper. And it shatters him.
Wriothesley went quiet. He couldn’t believe he’s actually being thrown out, by you, the person he loved. Then, another feeling hit him, making him want to punch something.
Never. Never in front of you.
“So…that’s it? That’s all I get?” He said, his voice rising again. “I pour out my feelings for you, right when you’re about to get married, and you…just tell me to get out?”
You let out a broken laugh and turn to him. "I'm getting married! Wriothesley." You swallow. "Did you even HEAR yourself?"
“And I know that! But by the hydro archon, it’s like you don’t even care I’m hurting! I’m trying to tell you I love you, and you’re acting like it’s nothing, like you don’t care!”
He almost yelled by the end of the sentence, all the stress and anger building up together now that he’s finally letting out what he’s been feeling. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists, trying to fight the tears that started welling up in his eyes.
You take a deep breath. "You." You begin before biting your lip. "I can't believe you..."
He’s expecting some other mean words from you, words that’ll make him even angrier. He’s expecting another argument, but he didn’t expect to hear your own voice crack suddenly. He paused, looking back at you.
“You can’t believe me?” He asked, confusion and anger lacing his voice. “You can’t believe I have feelings for you? Why can't you…I’ve been loving you for years!”
You shake your head, blinking, so tears won't shed. "Wriothesley. Archons..I loved you." You whisper.
He wasn’t expecting that. Not at all. His anger fades away, his heart beating fast once again, but for a different reason.
“You…You what?” His voice went unusually quieter. Did he hear you right? Is this a dream? An imagination? Is all the stress getting to him?
"For years...so many!" You whisper. "And then you never expressed them back."
Wriothesley stared at you with widened eyes, his brain having trouble processing what you just said. He couldn’t believe it. You…loved him? The whole time? Then that’d mean…that’d mean he should’ve said it sooner, he should’ve told you a long, long time ago.
He slowly moved closer to you. “You…you really loved me?”
The room goes a bit quiet again. Guests shuffling by and then the noise disappears.
"Yes." You whisper. "But...I moved on."
“Moved on’ ” was the part that broke his heart. He clenched his fists, looking down. He was too late, and now he’s going to lose you. All of it because he’s a coward who didn’t dare tell you how he felt.
“You don’t love me anymore.” He said, speaking barely louder than a whisper, as if he’s trying to make sure those words aren’t true.
You both pause as the church bells go off. The bells signaled that the wedding is going to start. He knew the guests had probably taken their seats already. Neuvillette is waiting for you, down at the aisle. But he still couldn’t bring himself to just let you go, not after having this conversation.
He took a few more steps, now standing in front of you, looking down at you. The pain in his heart became unbearable.
“Please, don’t marry him…"
You blink away a tear and swallow, reaching out to hold his hands. "Stay or go Wriothesley. But I'm marrying him."
The moment you held his hand his heart hurt even more. This is it. You’re marrying another man. The thought of it hurts his heart so badly he almost couldn’t breathe.
He stayed silent for a few seconds, looking at your hand on his, before speaking quietly.
“If I…if I can’t change your mind…Will you at least allow me one selfish request before the wedding?”
You hesitate before nodding. Time ticking down.
He closed his eyes, mentally bracing himself. This is the most selfish thing to ask for yet he wanted, no, no… he needed it so badly. He took a deep breath before speaking, looking directly into your eyes.
“Can I…kiss you?…at least once, before you walk down that aisle?”
God those eyes..
As they widen and you stammer he can't help but crack the ghost of a smile, before you calm down and sigh. "This doesn't leave this room.." You whisper.
His heart skipped a beat at your answer. By the seven, it’s like he has never felt so relieved and hopeful at the same time. You finally said yes. He couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest man in the world for a moment.
He moved even closer, towering over you. He held your chin with one hand, tilting your head upwards to look at him. His other hand was on your hip.
“Promise.” He said, before leaning down to kiss you softly.
He felt like he was on cloud nine when your lips met his. After so many times of imagining what it would feel like to kiss you, finally feeling your soft lips against his makes his heart beat even faster.
He didn’t want to stop. He wanted to keep kissing you more and more, but he finally pulled away when you did. It took a few seconds for him to recover from the shock, and he raised an eyebrow at you.
“Why?” He asked quietly.
"That was wrong Wriothesley." You whisper, rubbing your lipgloss off before reapplying it.
“Wrong?…”
The way you said it stung a little. He knew it was wrong because you’re engaged to someone else, but he’s pretty sure the kiss wasn’t wrong itself. The kiss was absolutely perfect for him, and he had to swallow the protest already on the tip of his tongue.
He stayed silent for a beat, before speaking again. His voice sounded frustrated.
“Why did you agree then?”
"I..I don't know!" You whisper frustrated and flustered, face burning with embarrassment and worry.
He watched you frustrated, still standing in front of you. If he’s being honest, it’s making him frustrated too. You didn’t seem to know what you want, what you’re doing, and by the seven, it’s driving him crazy. Why did you let him kiss you if you believe it’s wrong? And why did you allow him that selfish request in the first place if you don’t even know why?
He stepped even closer, holding your chin again, tilting your head upwards.
“Answer me something…”
You swallow your worries and nod for him to ask.
He leaned down a little, looking directly into your eyes. His voice was quiet and low, filled with mixture of pain, frustration and maybe a hint of hope.
“When you kissed me back, did you feel it?...”
You gaze into his eyes. "Feel what."
It took all his self-restraint not to pull you into a kiss again. He looked at you, his eyes darkened a little.
“Feel…anything.” He swallowed before continuing, his voice getting slightly quieter. “Anything at all….”
"No." You whisper almost immediately. The icy tone in your voice pierces his heart.
It felt like a cold shower was poured onto him. He knew you’re lying. He’s certain you did feel something. You must have. He’s sure you didn’t kiss him for nothing. He stared at you for few seconds, before finally letting anger take over.
“You’re lying.” He said, almost gritting his teeth.
You take a deep breath and shakily swallow. "I-I must go now."
He gripped your hip a little tighter, preventing you from walking past him.
“No, no, you’re not going anywhere. Not until you tell me the truth.” He said, in a firm and slightly commanding tone.
"Wriothesley.." You meet his gaze again and he sees it. Love. But...not for him.
He hates that he sees the love in your eyes and it hurts him. He didn’t want to accept it, didn’t want to believe what he was seeing, but it’s impossible to lie to himself. That look in your eyes only confirms what he already knows, and it’s making his heart hurt so badly.
But he’s going to push it further. Just this once, he’ll force it out of you. He tightens his grip on your hip a little more, almost enough to leave a mark.
“Say it. Say it out loud.”
"I love Neuvillette..not you.." You whisper, voice cracking a bit.
He already knew it. He knew you don’t love him. The way you’re acting, the look in your eyes were all enough clues for him to know the truth. But…but hearing you say it out loud, so easily without hesitation, it’s like another kind of pain.
He was still holding his ground. He’s not letting you go yet. Not until he says his own thoughts out loud as well.
“Then why did you let me kiss you?"
"Closure..." You whisper sadly.
‘Closure’? It’s like a stab through his heart. Closure. Of course that’s all he’s going to get, a ‘goodbye’ kiss to finally get the closure you need. He couldn’t believe it. You don’t love him, this was all just a ‘closure’ kiss for you. He took a shaky breath and almost whispered.
“Just… closure…then?”
You just nod gently.
He doesn’t know what part of him expected something different. He doesn’t know why his heart still hoped that maybe, just maybe, you’d realized your feelings toward him were stronger than you believed. He let out a bitter and dry chuckle. Closure. That’s what you want, and that’s what you’re going to get.
He took a few more seconds to control his emotions, before speaking quietly in a low, dark voice.
“And is this going to be the only closure I get?”
You look into his eyes, sadness in them this time. "Watch me get married at least?" You whisper.
But he knows he can't
His heart ached at the thought of it. The pain of seeing you walk down that aisle, marrying another man, a man that’s not him, will be unbearable. He can’t do it. He can’t make himself watch you marry Neuvillette and act like nothing was wrong, like everything will just go back to normal after you tie the knot. He just can’t.
He swallowed. If he can’t watch you get married, then he’s going to let you go in a different way.
The duke suddenly stepped away, taking his hand off your hip and letting you go. His voice took on another commanding tone. He’s trying to keep his voice steady and firm, even though the pain was almost unbearable.
“Go…” He said, gesturing towards the door. “Go…and go marry...him...like you’re supposed to.”
You smile sadly. "I hope to see you out there.." Hugging him tightly, holding on a little too long before breaking apart and leaving. Glancing back to blink a tear away before disappearing from his view.
It took all his self-restraint not to pull you into a tight embrace and stop you from walking away. He had to do this for the sake of his own heart, even though his soul was screaming at him to not let you go, to stop you and just pull you to him, maybe even lock the door so you won’t leave.
But he didn’t do any of that. He just watched you give him one last sad smile before you hug him. He closed his eyes, not returning the hug, letting himself enjoy the last bit of contact between the two of you.
He can hear everything from behind the door. The bells, the music, the voices of the guests, people waiting for the ceremony to start.
And he hates it. He can’t stand the thought of you walking down the aisle, smiling at Neuvillette, holding his hands, making promises to stay with him forever. To be with another man, a man that’s not him.
He leans against the wall, closing his eyes and trying to block out all the noise.
The tall man tried to hold on as best as he could, but he just couldn’t. He had to take a look. He’ll never get another chance, after all. He slowly opened the door, peeking through the gap, trying not to attract attention. He just had to see you.
The moment he saw you, all beautiful and radiant in your wedding gown, it’s like something broke in his heart. You’re walking towards Neuvillette, your smile bright and happy as you approach the altar. It’s like a dagger, twisting slowly inside his heart. This is really happening.
You’re going to marry him...
He sees you exchanging the vows, watching from afar with a heavy heart. The pain is almost unbearable now, watching you commit your life to another man. He’s not the type to show his vulnerability in public, but he can’t help but grip the edge of the door harder, trying to keep himself composed as his heart breaks into pieces in the process.
Our eyes meet, and for a second your voice breaks in the middle of the vows. But you quickly fix it. Looking away from him.
He held onto the door tighter as your voice broke. You looked straight at him when it happened, and he couldn’t help but feel his heart skip when your eyes meet. But then you immediately looked away and continued with the vows, leaving him stunned.
You saw him, you’re the one whose eyes lingered on him for a long moment, only pulling away because you have to finish the ceremony. Why do you look at him like that when you’re about to marry another man?
He can hear the priest going through the final part of the ceremony, asking you and Neuvillette say the last few words, saying ‘I do’. His heart hurt so badly that it’s almost hard to breathe. It’s over. You’ll now be married. You’ll now be a wife, a wife to another man...
"Do you. Take Neuvillette to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The priest smiles. You swallow and glance at Wriothesley before looking into Neuvillettes eyes.
"I do."
He stared at you as you said those words. His knuckles almost whitened with how hard he’s gripping the door, wishing he could just burst through and stop you… but he stayed. He stayed, and the only thing he could do is to watch, the pain overwhelming his heart and leaving him breathless.
He stayed silent as the priest proclaimed the wedding done, declaring that you and Neuvillette are now a husband and a wife, legally bound to each other forever… forever. The finality of it all left a bitter taste in his mouth. It’s over, for good. There’s no turning back now. You’re a married woman now. You’re no longer his, and it stings to realize it.
You and Wriothesley lost contact after the wedding. He holed himself up in The Fortress of Meropide, went back to being just an underworld dweller. Ten years had passed, and Clorinde had convinced him to visit the surface.
He had asked her over the years to update him on your life. But she refused. Not wanting him to worry about it.
Ten years might have passed, but the pain hasn’t diminished in the slightest. It’s dulled a little, but the memories of what happened that day still haunt him to this day, leaving a deep ache in his heart every time he thinks about you.
He’s doing a bit better now, or at least he’s trying to convince himself that way. He threw himself into his work, trying to find some kind of distraction, but none seemed to be enough to fully make him forget you.
When he finally goes up to visit Fontaine's surface...for the first time in ten years...his heart stops as he hears a familiar voice near the Opera House.
It’s been ten years, but he recognized your voice immediately. He froze as he turned towards the source of the voice, feeling a sudden rush of emotions. Excitement, happiness, dread, worry, all mixed up into a messy bundle. It’s you. You’re here, for the first time in years.
You're holding a baby in a baby carrier, a grocery bag in the other hand. "Daddy will be happy to see you sweetheart~" You giggle at the baby.
He could barely believe his eyes. You’re here, and you’re holding a baby. As he observed you, the realization hit him. You’re a mother now. The thought sent a strange mix of emotions through him, a mix of happiness, sadness, and a sprinkle of jealousy.
The baby babbles and coos with excitement as you hand it a small toy.
He couldn’t help but smile a little as he watched you. You seem so relaxed, so at peace, holding your baby. You’re such a wonderful mother. He tried to push down the thoughts of him in Neuvillette’s place, standing beside you as you hold your child, but it’s almost impossible to keep it from popping up in his head.
His heart sank as he saw Neuvillette walking towards you, a small smile on his face as he finally catches up with you. He instinctively stepped back to stay hidden, watching you both with a mixture of emotions. It’s bittersweet, watching you with your husband and your child, knowing it could have been HIM if things were different…if only he was a little more brave...
He watched bitterly as you and Neuvillette exchanged a kiss, unable to look away. Seeing the two of you again, together, happily married with a child, makes the pain he was trying to push away come back, worse than ever before. The realization that you’re forever out of reach hurts even more now that he can see you right before him again.
As we walk past Wriothesley you don't even look. He doesn't even know if you recognized him.
He felt a pang of hurt as you walked past him without noticing him at all. Not even a single glance in his direction. He didn’t know if you didn’t recognize him or just didn’t bother to look, but the message is clear. You don’t care about him and you don’t plan to anymore. The realization stung, like a bitter pill he had to swallow.
He noticed you dropped something, a toy that your baby was playing with. He was reluctant to interfere, knowing he has no place in your life anymore. But the sight of you walking away with your child, unaware of the toy, tugged at his heartstrings. He took a deep breath, gathering what little courage he had, before reluctantly calling out to you.
“Hey…” He called out, trying to keep his voice steady as he called out to you from behind. He could feel his heart racing as he spoke, the anxiety of talking to you again after so many years and the fear of getting ignored leaving him on the edge.
You turn and laugh nervously. "Oh Gods sorry!" You hand the grocery bag to Neuvillette and take the toy from Wriothesley. "Thank you so-" You cut off as you meet his icy blue eyes.
He stood there, looking at you, his heart hammering in his chest as your eyes met his. For a moment, he couldn’t find the words to speak. Seeing you up close, those eyes, that smile, still the same despite the years that passed, it’s almost like he’s transported back in time before everything happened, before he lost you.
You don't acknowledge it as you clear your throat. "Thank you.."
He nods gently in response, still trying to gather his thoughts. Your casual tone almost stung, as if you don’t remember anything about their past. He took a shaky breath and forced himself to speak again.
“You’re…you’re welcome…” He said, his voice slightly unsteady.
He watches as you turn and move back to your place beside Neuvillette, his heart sinking just a little further as you don’t even look back at him. It’s like talking to a stranger. Or maybe that’s exactly what you two are now.
He let out a soft exhale, shoving his hands into his pockets to prevent himself from making a mistake by grabbing your hand and pulling you close.
His heart clenched as he watched you and Neuvillette walking together, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. The sight of you both, with your child, the family you’ve built together, it’s like a dagger digging deeper into his already shattered heart. It’s like a constant reminder of what could have been for him if things were different…if he wasn’t so cowardly and actually told you his feelings before it was too late.
Did that carousel trend thingy for TikTok, it’s gonna drop tomorrow. Might make a super short fic to go along with it here. (Yall know what will happen if I post a fuck ass video here, yall gonna have to migrate for this one)
Summery(barely) - After a minor car accident there maybe some lingering problems that scare the shit out of aaron.
This is a one shot unless some mfs ask for more lol.
WC- 4276
——————————
You knew there wasn’t much time till Aaron picked you up but your already strong procrastination skills paired with the sick lethargic feeling you had made it all the much harder to get out of your cozy nest. 615- it was nice to be able to have breakfast with Aaron but to do so you had to wake up at the crack of dawn. You wrestle yourself out of bed and throw on the clothes you layed out last night. Mornings had never been your strong suit so to make them more doable you took some measures. Always set out your clothes, towel if you were going to shower, and set the coffee maker to have a fresh pot when you walked down stairs.
You were definitely getting sick, the slightly dizzy and sore feeling indicated that. But it wasn’t bad enough to not go into work so you thought you should just tough it out.
Earlier that same week you had been in sunny California on a case. One of the best perks of working for the BAU was the travel. For some agents that was the worst but you didn’t have any real responsibilities in dc that would hold you back. There was max, your massive Akita but you had a fantastic dog sitter. Other than that you could pack up and go at almost any time. On this particular case after a long and tiring investigation, hunt and chase of a particularly violent bank robber you and hotch had gotten into a mild car accident.
————————
“HOTCH”
You yelp
You turn to look too see headlights pouring in through the passengers side window.
Not even 20 seconds had passed since you plowed into the back corner of car you had been chasing. The driver had attempted to pull a u turn in front of you but your vehicles were already too close for Hotch to stop the car fully before clipping the unsubs left fender. With the speed you were going it ended up spinning the car about twice till it was on the edge of the road.
“Are you ok!?”
Your lungs hurt from the sudden pressure of you seatbelt but other than that you were fine.
“Yeah, are you?”
“Ye-“
“HOTCH!”
And that was when another medium sized Sudan plowed into your side of the car, sending your cruiser tumbling down the hill to your left.
For a moment everything went black as your head bashed against the window. Then you were in it, the car came to a stop in a somewhat akward position. Tilted on it side so that you were looking up at Hotch.
As soon as you regained some sort of grip you reach over swiftly to place your two fingers on his neck. He was unconscious but alive and breathing.
“A - Aaron” you don’t mean it to come out as pained as it did.
“mhhh” a small exhale and then a deep groan and Hotch was back.
After further assessment you were genuinely surprised they you both were ok. A tree had come through the window and pinned your waist and right arm. Your ribs hurt wheres the tree had made contact, probably broken. Hotch was cut up but basically fine and so were you.
“Can you move?”
His tone if hushed and concerned so you try to give comfort with your response.
“I just have to move the seat, can you hold this up and I’ll slip out”
Hotch held the tree branches as you clicked your seat back and slipped into the back seat.
You both climbed out of the wreck and turned to get a good look at eachother.
He swiftly steps forward and cocoons you in his arms, you didn’t have enough time to hug back so you settled with your hands tucked onto his chest.
He was leaning into your shoulder and holding you so tightly.
“Thank god your ok”
He whispers.
——————
Both of you were fine, checked out for injuries but emts and sent home. On the plane back Hotch sat with one arm around you for almost the entire flight. He was normally anti-PDA but you could tell how anxious the whole ordeal made him.
Now you were ready and waiting for hotch to show. You decided to meet him at the curb so you walk down. The sun seems a little bright for 630 but the days we’re getting longer.
He pulled in-front of you about 30 second after you walk down your steps.
You hop in, immediately he kisses you on the side of the mouth and the cheak.
“Good morning to you to” you laugh.
“I wouldn’t do that again, think I’m coming down with somthin”
“Hmm too bad I really wanted to do it again.”
Hotch shot you a devilish grin.
“So where do you have in mind this fine morning?”
You knew, whenever he got to chose the breakfast place he picked the same one
“I was just thinking the coffee place”
Moon rise coffee.
Exactly your guess.
He would get 3 eggs with whole wheat toast, bacon and a cup of black coffee.
You already knew that.
The BAU was slow today, which infact was coming to an end. Good thing too beck you were definitely ill. There was a high possibility you had a fever and you felt like you had been punched repeatedly in the chest. There was nothing you could do except hope to sleep it off so you watched the clock and the minute hand crawled by.
457-458–459— and there you go. You leave all your things at our desk only grabbing a small file.
The stairs up to hotches office literally took the life out of you. By the time you were at the top you were panting and sweating.
You finally made it and as you walked in Hotches gaze shot up. It started as happily supprised but quickly turned into a concerning tone.
He got up quickly meeting you in front of his desk where you had already sunk into a chair and were holding out the file limply.
“How are you feeling? I know you said you were getting sick but you look like your in pain.”
You were, your chest ached, head was pounding, it was the worst you’ve felt in a long time.
“Ehh I’ve been better” you say sheepishly
“I’ll be fine after a good sleep, which is why I came to say farewell.” You smile and begin you begin to get out of the chair you had melted into. Hotch quickly reached around his desk to get his bag and then the coat off his chair.
“I’ll come with you” he said as he slipped on one sleeve.
“Really, your going home at a reasonable time?” It was not somthing that happened regularly, he was normally there for about 2 hr after you.
“I thought I should take you home, you really don’t seem ok.”
He seemed genuine in his concern and you know how things this like this really fuck with his ability to be in control so you try not to seem too offended by his insinuation you could not make it home.
“Alright Hotchner, I’ll let you take me home but I don’t think you’ll be safe from the rest of the children out there.” You notion to the rest of the team now gathering in the bullpen before they all leave for the night.
It was harder than it should have been to go from sitting to standing, for about 10 seconds you were so dizzy you couldn’t see but as it passes you started to leave.
Grabbing your things you give a quick nod to the rest of the team and turn to leave.
“Wait your leaving too?” Morgan Looks at hotch and with a giddy tone spits out
“I see your girls got you on normal time now!” The team laughs as hotch shakes his head. He wants to retort but you are already so far ahead he chooses to follow.
Yet in passing his throws in “have a good night guys”
You had done so well up to this point, the bullpen, the elevator, the halls, the car garage but now as soon as you were reaching the car you weren’t doing well at all. There was a tightening in your chest and it was getting hard to breath. Hotch had already slipped into the drivers seat but as you went for the handle you collapsed.
You could not see or hear or move. It was all loud and bright. You thought you heard you name being yelled but at this point you couldn’t respond.
“Y/N!”
Hotch jumped out of the car, bolting to your side as he trys to get any response at all.
“Hey! Hey!” He softly shakes you but to no success.
From what he could see you were shaking, breathing heavy and ragged, and you were burning up.
You can see the panic in his eyes, the pain even though you were barely conscious. He was shaking as his hands slip under your head and knees as he slips you into the passengers seat.
Hotch knew he could get you to a hospital faster than an ambulance could get there. It was only 3 blocks away but it felt like miles. For you and him.
“We’re almost there… just hold on… please.” He was pleading as he reached over to your face. His hands were unnaturally cold because of your fever but his touch helped you feel safe.
At the hospital he grasp onto your hand for as long as they would let him before you were wheeled into the emergency room.
Upon your arival they had asked him so many questions. It was all a blur. Your name, blood type, all about the car accident and even if you were pregnant. He answered the best he could but his mind was going a million miles an hour. He was sweating and shaking and as the doors slammed behind your gurney a wave of nausea slammed into him.
Hotch turned to the waist basket at the side of the check in desk and proceeded to vommit.
A stranger waiting in the lobby came to his side.
“Hey are you alright?”
At this point he was dry heaving and could feel tears boiling up in the back of his eyes.
After a moment he seems to gain back control of his body and try’s to stand
“How about we get you to a seat”
Said the stranger
“Thank you.” Hotch grumbles
——————-
Waiting was the hardest.
At this point the team had come in, they didn’t get the call untill well after they had become heavily intoxicated at their normal bar. When they all did come in hotch didn’t even notice. His head was in his hands, elbows resting on restless legs.
“Hotch!”
“Is she ok?!”
“What happened!?”
He was unresponsive, tied up in his head.
Rossi promptly took the seat next to him and placed a hand on Aaron’s back.
He flinched and looked up swiftly. Rossi could see the redness in his eyes paired with confusion and pain.
Rossi quieted the questions with a
“Give him some room and go ask her” he was pointing to the desk attendant.
The team did as they were told leaving aaron and Rossi alone for a moment.
“Are you ok?” A question no one had asked hotch yet. After a long moment and stiff inhale he responded in a hushed sigh
“I can’t even think Dave…. She was fine, sick but fine and then she was on the ground. They said they couldn’t find a… a heart beat …..”
he paused for a moment taking in a shaky breath. “ I can’t do this again.. I can’t..” he stops as he try’s to gain some composure before he starts crying.
Rossi can see that he is badly holding it together and places his hand on Aaron’s shoulder in a comforting way.
Morgan walked over to where Rossi and hotch were cornered in the waiting room.
“She doesn’t know anything” he scoffs
————
It’s been 2 hours since Aaron carried you into the ER and there was no update. At some point somone had called your brother, the only family you had, but he was over 6 hours away and wouldn’t be there till the next morning. The feeling that you would wake up alone kept Aaron locked into his chair. When he had delicately placed you on the stretcher his hands lingered under you. With Hailey he knew, immediately that it would be the last time he touched her. With you he didn’t know.
He tried to think back to when the last time he kissed you was. That morning. The last time he said he loved you? He couldn’t remember if he had said it after he left you last night. He couldn’t remember! He must have said it within the last couple of days but he couldn’t remember.
That’s what he thought about as he waited.
“Aaron, can I get you a coffee or anything?” Emily asks softly.
“Um sure, black” he was exhausted.
“You got it. Anyone else?”
Morgan and Reid volunteered to come with.
Emotionally the team was struggling. Emily was basically your best friend. You went out with the team almost every weekend as if spending all your time with them wasn’t enough. Morgan loved you like a sister. Reid looked up to you in a way that he didn’t with anyone else. You and Garcia we a little unit, always finishing each other deductions, mainly live had been saved based on your communal quick wit. Rossi was like a father to you even though you would never admit it to his face. JJ, even though you two didn’t always see eye to eye she loved you. They all did.
————
At the 3.5 hour mark a young looking nurse came out of the doors to the ER.
“Y/n L/n?”
As soon as he heard your name Hotch jumped up along with the rest of the team.
The nurse explained how you had suffered from internal bleeding along with a small tear and swelling in the tissue surrounding you heart and that they were still working on stoping the bleeding.
The car accident.
It made his stomach churn. He should have known, he was there. He saw you everyday since. There were small winces here and there like at his dinner table two nights before when you tryed to get out of your chair. He should have pushed you to go to the hospital. He should have.
———
6 hour mark came and went with no updates. Everyone but Hotch Rossi and Emily had gone home to rest. Deciding who would go was harder than it seemed. They all wanted to stay, but Rossi made the decision for them. It was for the best, someone had to go into work tomorrow.
———
11 hours in and the doctor finally came into the lobby.
Rossi and Emily had dozed off but Hotch was wide awake.
His arms were crossed and he was watching the ceiling, lost in thought.
He almost didn’t hear when your name was called. After a dazed second he jumped up again.
Emily woke up immediately but she had to slap Rossi’s stomach with the back of her hand to get his attention.
“It’s just too soon to know” it was a punch in the gut and Aaron could feel the air get sucked out of the room.
The exhausted looking physician explained slowly that you had coded 4 separate times once for 6 and a half minute which has caused your brain to receive very low amounts of oxygen.
They were able to stabilize you but until you woke up there was no way to know the damage done to your brain.
“When can I… when can I see her?”
“She is in the ICU so family can visit now, are you family?”
“YES” Emily chimed in.
Hotch turned to her and with a quick nod she continued.
“He’s her husband”
He wasn’t but with quick thinking on Emily’s part now Aaron could see you.
He was more thankful than Emily could ever know. As the doctor led him to your room he mouthed a ‘thank you’ over his shoulder.
He was almost running as he honed in on your room.
As he cleared the doorway he stoped.
Seeing you lying there with a tube coming out of your mouth, arms, stomach and wires crossed hectically over your chest he felt dizzy. He carefully picked up your hand as he knelt next to your bed.
It was cool and limp as he raised it to his face, kissing your palm as he did so.
“Oh… my love” he tenderly stroked your cheak as a tear fell down his.
——-
On the morning of the 4th day at around 5:14 am you woke up.
There was the sunrise coming up in the window but the light was faint. It was quiet except for the beeping of some machines. The birds are what you hear first though. Slight chirps pour in though an open window.
When you slept, you always left a window open. The only thing that would stop you is below zero temps. Yes, you had only been dating for a month but Aaron had a lot of time to study you before his skills were tested. He noticed your tendency to leave the car windows open and if any office you used on a case had one you would open it.
He opened your hospital room window on the first night.
You weren’t in the icu anymore which was a significant step. The fact that you had slept for 4days wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, the doctor explained. “She lost a lot of blood Mr.Hotchner, the trauma her body is dealing with right now maybe too much for her to handle awake and she just needs some time to heal.”
On the third day they took out the intubation but you still had a nasty drain coming out of your side.
It turns out it was very lucky that Aaron was there. The team made a schedule for him -and you- so that he could also go home to jack.
He was at the hospital from dawn to when he picked Jack up from school. And repeated for the first 3 days but on the 4th he planed to go into work. He wanted to see you one more time before he went back so he got there at around 445. The night staff let him in, federal badges do have a bit of power, and he sat quietly in the chair next to your bed. He was looking at case files that the team have had for 4 day already but he is just getting a chance to look it over.
By 513 he is done with the inicial interview folder and is trying to find the some paperwork he had to sign when he thought he saw something. It was still darkish outside but he swore he saw your hand move.
And then
He saw it again.
Your pale hand grasping for something.
He slid all of the paper off his lap and stood. He shifted over to the edge of your bed when you make a faint groan as he takes your hand, sandwiching it between his.
And your eyes open. Just slightly at first as you get used to the light. And then your staring into his.
He leans in swiftly making you recoil slightly. Trying to not move you as much as he can he only leans in to hug you so that you nesiled your head to his shoulder, you hand coming up to meet his back, just barely touching him. He pulled back after a few moments and kissed you. Your lips were chapped and you barely could muster the energy to kiss back. He sat for a while just kissing you , he pecks the side of your mouth as he pulls away.
“…what… what happened?” Your voice was horse from the intubation.
“You scared the shit out of me that’s what.” He chokes out. You grimace slightly as you start to assess the damage to your body. Everything hurt, your chest, your legs, veins, all of it.
Aaron explained what happened and you express the same confusion he did when he first found you keeled over.
“I was fine… how didn’t I know?” You almost whispered as a tear rain down the side of your exhausted face.
“They said the internal bleeding started very small and it was just eventually too much. They think it was from the car accident.” He paused as he just watched you. Just the fact you were animated in front of him put all his fear and panic on the back burner of his mind. He reached out and brushed your hair to one side of your face.
“… I was so sacred y/n. You died… four times…” his breath became ragged and he looked down at the hand he had of yours.
“I know” your tone is supposed to be comforting but as you breath in a little more deeply than before you shudder. Grasping his hand tighter, looking up at the ceiling as your mouth mimics a small yelp yet no sound emerged. It feels like your chest is on fire. Aaron looked up at your contorted face and quickly reached over to hit the nurses button.
“They should adjust your meds, your shouldn’t be in this much pain.”
The nurse came in and upon seeing you and Aaron a large smile crept across her face.
She had only seen Hotch as his completely heart broken and lost self as he watched you.
“Thank god!” She said in a volume neither of you had prepared for making you both turn to the door and jump back a bit.
She silently apologized for her loudness and began too look over all your readings and chart.
“Agent Hotchner would you mind moving to the chair” she motioned.
He slipped back but he moved the chair even closer to the bed so that they were almost over lapping.
The nurse proceeds to listen to your heart rate.
“She’s in pain, can you give her somthing?”
“Unfortunately we have given her almost all that we can,(she turns to you) your heart is damaged which mean we really can’t put much stress on it or we risk you having a heart attack on us.”
“Mhh” you grunt.
“So there’s nothing, nothing you can do”
You can hear him start to get pissed.
“Aaron it’s fine, I’m alright” you give him the best smile you can muster, which isn’t very convincing. “You don’t want me to have a heart attack after all this do ya.” You let out a short breathy laugh.
He only stairs at you as the nurse starts to leave.
“The doctor will be in at about 6 but from what I can see your doing well, is there anything i can do to make you more comfortable. Raising your head might release some of the pressure in your chest.”
You nod swiftly. that’s all you wanted.
She began to tilt the bed so you were slightly sitting. The release of pressure on your lungs and chest resulted in a small gasp for you as your breath deepened.
Even though your eyes were closed you could feel his focused on you. It only took one or two slightly pained breaths for your rhythm to become even. You did sound better than when you were horizontal.
The nurse left quicky afterwards, at this point it was 545, and hotch knew Rossi would be awake. There was no way he was going into work. Absolutely no chance he would leave you now that your finally awake and he could breathe again. He just needed some time to fully process that your alive and seemingly ok. He quickly shot Rossi a text “ she’s awake, I’m not coming in”
“So what have I missed?” you ask in a slightly raspy voice motioning to the mess of papers on the ground with a slight jesture from your Iv covered hand.
Aaron let’s out an emotionless laugh and looks at the floor for a quick second before joining your eyes.
“It hasn’t even been an hour and you already want to talk about work?”
“I will talk about anything Aaron,” you say defeated. You just wanted to hear his voice, hold his hand and… sleep. It seemed odd how tired you for how long you had just slept.
“, please just talk” you can feel your impulse to cry is peeking through. He can hear it in your voice.
He has been so worried about your physical condition he hasn’t even thought of the damage it had done to your mind. You were scared out of your mind and in pain.
He knew how to comfort you through words.
“Ok my love, ok.” He kissed your hand and began describing the case the files scattered on the floor held.
Everyonce in a while you would ask a question like “ what did the ME say?” Or “ do you beleive him?” Just like at the round table in the bau. Now you just had to close your eyes and imagine it.
There was a smile across hotches face, he explained more as he picked up and read the folders.
Remembering Bob the Titan- A Solangelo Oneshot-- Out now!
Nico's dreams have shifted to revolve more around a special person; Bob the Titan. He tries to evade his nightmares that are beckoning him by simply not sleeping. Will says no.
Read it from me here on Wattpad:https://www.wattpad.com/story/380527060-remembering-bob-the-titan-a-solangelo-oneshot
Read it from my coauthor emonemo on AO3:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/60138640
