@phcenixes
The journey home was one of silence. Erik’s silence has always been one of cold stoicism and unbreakable reserve. But this— this was different. As he traveled with Jean, the silence that overtook him stemmed from the fact that he felt defeated. It was tiring to have someone race through your mind and burn through the things you thought had been holding it together. But as it turns out, all those walls just made him weak. They were false pillars and columns and walls, separating him from himself and everything he cared about. Now that they were all gone, things were clearer. But he hated what he saw. He absolutely despised what he had become, and even while his mind was heavy and worn, it had enough energy to fill him with guilt and shame.
Erik kept the fragments of his helmet in hand the entire trip. He held them tightly, kept them close, but did nothing with them. Forging the two pieces together to create a makeshift helmet was possible, and the idea had crossed his mind, but Erik chose to kept the pieces exactly as they were. Jean had done what she needed to in order to get inside his mind— under different circumstances he would have furious with her. But she saved him. And she spared him. This helmet meant nothing if the person wearing it didn’t deserve its protection, and right now he knew he didn’t.
Once they arrived, Erik’s stomach immediately twisted into knots. His fight or flight instincts kicked in and told him to turn and run back to Genosha. It was easier to handle pain like this alone. That’s what Erik believed. It was hard enough facing Jean after she entered his mind, but now he was about to see the younger Jean and it filled him with dread. One Jean was a mourning mother of a child he killed. The other was the daughter he betrayed because of his own fear. So much pain between three people, and he wondered how they would ever move on from it all.
Erik crossed the illusion barrier and saw her immediately. They were all safe here for now, and Erik was willing to do whatever it took to keep it that way. But right now he would rather fight hundreds of battles than have the conversation that was about to occur. He froze after a few steps, eyes glued to the young telepath and feeling his heart break all over again.
He remembered Jean’s words, that her younger self might not be as quick to forgive as she was. And before he started walking towards her, he wondered if he deserved any forgiveness at all.
Erik approached slowly, hands clasping his helmet fragments in front of him as he moved. “I’m sure you will be surprised to see me..” His tone was soft and cautious. “But I have nothing to hide. I wasn’t myself the last time we saw each other, but that’s been rectified. And I.. I am so sorry, Jean.”
No words would ever carry enough weight compared to what he was feeling. But as another gesture of good will, Erik glanced down at his broken helmet and then offered them to her. “As I said. I have nothing to hide. Not from you, not anymore.”