#hello goodbyes

[mulberry-sage]

[mulberry-sage]

[mulberry-sage]

[elinaperro]

"Just because there's a hundred gazillion cowards in the world, babes, don't mean you don't gots peeps like Eugenius and gaga Dotti and Leonical and...Aiden, who'll all STAY. Just because I can't don't mean they won't, sweets. You betts take care of yourself. And music helps too. Trust me, I almost just off and gave up like a billion times, these'll help. I lurvs you, babes, you remember that."

1. you can start again, if you'd only hold on [red lights] 2. i know that you think you're not good for anything, the world makes you feel so small [citywide rodeo] 3. all alone in the big, bad world but i'm not worried, 'cause you're gonna skip along [skipalong] 4. if you're lost and alone, and you're sinking like a stone, carry on [carry on] 5. you're not drowning, you're not lost, you're not broken [safest place] 6. a little sweetness keeps just out of reach, 'cause compassion is something that they just don't teach [spotlight] 7. all will be well, even after all the promises you've broken to yourself [all will be well] 8. i am not everything you thought that i would be [how i go] 9. goodnight, always, to all that's pure, that's in your heart [farewell and goodnight]

[elinaperro]

Liquor and Leather | Self-para (for Leon)

Knowing Gretsie-Boo existed was a comfort when it came to Leon, that was for sure. It was nice knowing most of her babes had other babes to care for them, anyway, when she...left. But she still worried. It was annoying and always at the back of her mind and it sucked. She didn’t really leave much for Leon, mostly because she knew he was happy with a brush, some paints and a surface. And air. Air without judgment, without anything, really. He just wanted to be content and secure.

So she didn’t leave him much.

She left him her Mayday Parade, Anywhere But Here album and her best bottle (cost her a fuckton, but hell, she’s going back into the real world, whatever), and a jacket. She also left him a letter.

“Yosicals Leonardo Da Vinshit. I would clarify who this is but that spectacular written entrance of mine gave it away. (It’s El, btws). First of all, listen to that damn album, man. It’s mopey and sad and pissy and it’s basically a bath in self-pity and bitterness and you my friend need to exfoliate or whatever. Get it all out. Blast that album then throw it out the window. (Don’t, though. That shit was expensive.) But yeah, you can’t be pissed off forever. The world’s gone to shit and really, it’s always been shit. So you gotta try and be better shit than…all the other shit…? Point is, man, you gotta hold your man’s hand out in those gardens and in the hallways and maybe even kiss his face off there sometimes. Do you know what that’ll get you? You’ll end up with the people who care about you being all happy for you and shit and the people who don’t bitching about it when they can’t do shit.

So listen to the album. And when all the mope’s outta your system, either put on my kick-fucking-butt jacket or have that bottle and fall back exactly where you were.

Give ‘em hell, babes.

PS. I’d really prefer you going for the jacket and giving that bottle to Vi to use in the kitchen. Just, y’know, my personal input, is all.”

She didn't leave him much. She left him a choice of falling back into the past or putting on one hell of a confidence-boosting, super awesome leather jacket and walking into the now and to-be.

[elinaperro]

Well, if you could see my heart | Self-para (for Eugen)

Part l of El's goodbye gifts: Eugen's.

This, though. This deserved a...something. She was doing a shit thing, leaving like this. It was shit, she was shit, and it's her fault she's all up in this shit in the first place. Everything's just a whole lot of...shit.

Eugen's gift was harder than she'd anticipated. She thought most of what they had was all in concern over Evelyn but as soon as she set her mind to it, she realized she fucking loved being around him. It wasn't like they didn't start off because Evelyn was a concern of theirs both. It started with Evs, and now she just doesn't wanna be away from him. He's good faith and hopeful, heavy hearts. He's literally the personification of a hopelessly hopeful romantic, and his romance was with...life. He made her feel good and happy and if there was one comfort in leaving him behind, it was that dear Evie would have him. Always. That was a given. But he didn't have much, did he? He had Dotti and Evie and his brains and books and yeah, he seems to have it together. But boy, is he shielded. He's folded himself so deep into himself and neatly tucked himself away into the corner of convenience, where he won't bother anyone. He's got the whole world approaching him and he's a deer in international headlights. He needed to kick the lights with his deer legs and grow his deer antlers and...dammit, antler-shove his way through the life he fully deserves. So she did something she never thought she'd bring herself to do. She unfolded herself.

She's not a diary kinda girl. She didn't write much and she didn't like to dwell on something that happened two minutes ago, let alone jot down everything that happens everyday. But she's had a bumpy life and what's a girl to do when one of her step-fathers locks her doors and seals her windows because she kicked his balls with her bony nine-year-old knee because he touched her? Write it down, obviously. She's always written down a little note of what happens when it happens. Just a little line. She never reads it back, just jots it down. How much is her life worth in lines of ink? Thousands, so far. The lines got happier with time. Just one sentence for every separate thing that happened. She stopped when the virus struck. She didn't want to be someone who wrote down a line about dying from an infection before her last breath. A little black book and it had her whole life in it. She stuck a little post-it on it reading 'I had a friend, and she had a life that locked her into herself because the world around her tried to tie her up. Don't let it tie you up and don't let you lock yourself. I loved knowing you.' And if she teared up and smudged the ink up a bit then told the post-it to go fuck itself because no, this is too Meg Ryan for her style, well...whatever.