In October 2023 I had a brain Hemmhorage and its been a long road back to semi normalcy. The world went topsy turvy and I have had to rebuild oh so many things.
I woke up in a place I didn’t recognize with people asking me questions like did I know the date or where I was. (I did not.)
My last memories were being home with a headache while my mom was at my sisters recovering from a broken ankle surgery. She had broken both bones in a fall down some stairs at the beach. We had some traumatic years before this and some of my stories may circle back to those stories. We had lost my brother the year before to a car accident. My family were just trying to recover from years of hit after hit. Trauma was a lifestyle. Mostly we got by and some of this contributed to my brain issues. While I had a history of headaches and other health issues it was unpredictable. This kind of stress is bad for anyone.
I want to document how I recovered in the hospital as it was a very vague time. I had care workers helping me to learn how to walk again and take care of myself in other ways. I had people making sure I was recovered enough to shower, brush my hair and teeth, get dressed. Etc.
I was weak as a new foal at first. Some people have to relearn a lot more than I did. I seemed to impress some people and worry others. I may have answered strangely as I’m also autistic. My thinking is fairly literal. I knew how to knit and crochet while in hospital but not why I couldn’t see. ( I wear contacts.) I kept losing my glasses and forgetting I should be wearing them. When I was given my contacts back life was a lot better.
I have some differential memories of how vague my understanding was then. I have since rebuilt my memories. It’s weird having a dual view of the past and the distant past. I can look back and see how cloudy my understanding was then. At the time it was like I knew pieces were just beyond my grasp and that I should be more frustrated. I was always asking weather I was on medication that was making me docile. I think now it was just my brains way of cushioning me from the traumas that caused the Hemmhorage and upset my life. I needed time to heal.
To be continued……