Discover Top Posts Tagged with #her timing

Anyway not that anyone ever ASKED but obviously the most Blorbo Enby of them all is Janet Goodplace 💜

#the good place #re ''tell me your girl blorbos'' no i need to tell you about janet the ultimate blorbo #rotating her in my mind constantly #that's how you know she's the best blorbo #yes every character was a cherished gem in this show but JANET #gender #her timing #her poise #her blouses #her commitment to the bit #getting reset ten bazillion times #and becoming something Beyond #HER FAKE KIDS LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH

My Mother: *leaving after a three days' visit* Bye sweetheart it was so lovely to see you! Take care of yourself!

Me: *standing with her in the hallway which I share with four other people* Bye mum, have a safe trip home!

My Mother: *out of the blue in the loudest, fakest stage whisper imaginable* ...and don't forget to sign up for Tinder!! It's high time you met a nice man!! Don't be so shy and just do it :))))

Me: ......................................*internal screaming*

My neigbours: *listening in through cardboard-thin doors, ogling through peephole* (ʘ‿ʘ)(ʘ‿ʘ)(ʘ‿ʘ)(ʘ‿ʘ)

#you can't choose you family but..........#aaaaarghhhhhh #her timing #mummmmmm #my shyness is not the problem ughhhh mum please #i may have bad news for you #personal #sorry about rant

My cat has been hiding from my dogs and everything for like 3 years and as I’m finally gearing up to move out she starts going into rooms with them and just being a lot braver and more comfortable than I’ve seen her in a while

#her timing #terrible #I am incredibly proud #but still #you Had to start going around them now

I’ve been annoyed at my girlfriend all weekend bc Reasons and it’s Wednesday n she sent me a text apologizing for Things and it sent me into tears I was doing a PRACTICE TEST GODDAMIT

#she has #her timing #I don’t want to talk abt it #whatever she says tho is always the right thing for me #there’s other stuff she doesn’t actually know abt bc I haven’t told her #I’ll tell her after we’re done uni basically #so next weekend (not coming the next)

my grandma calling while i'm watching monster mv like.....

#ik its not technically funny that she thinks being gay is a sin and all that but its so FUNNY #her TIMING #calling when im watching a gay mv titled monster #anyways i didnt answer fhsdhsjdhjsbdjbs

THINGS I WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGET

The one time I was at work ( I work in retail which is actually the 4th level of hell according to Dante trust me I do a lit degree this is a f a c t ) and I deal with a lot of like semi oldish ladies who say batshit crazy things that I just have to roll with / laugh awkwardly at because apparently that is my job, so ANYWAY, i’m putting through a sale for a 50 somethingish lady, who didn’t seem particularly weird UNTIL she says to me while looking me directly in my eyes

“Your skin is so lovely, it’s like alabaster............”

me: ......................UHHHHHH THANKS HA HA HHHHAHH HH HEL P M E

“no really it’s like ivory, so perfect, so pure!”

so here is me screaming in my own head NO YOU CANT TAKE MY SKIN ITS MINE HOLY SHIT and like this whole interaction was made all the worse by the fact that i’d watched the EVER SO LOVELY episode of Hannibal where creepy ass serial killer guy is COLLECTING PEOPLE BASED ON THEIR SKIN TONES FOR HIS HUMAN COLOUR WHEEL

so yeah I’m just like this is it this is the day I fucking die because this old lady is gonna murder me and take my skin to like find her youth or something im gone im done

so ye Hannibal will fuck u up kids

#i still cannot believe #her timing #was like surreal #hannibal crack

#her timing

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