#hercoconuts

[hercoconuts]

28 Oct 2021

I was so close to not getting up at my alarm. When I woke up—like I always do—at 3am, I told myself to shut my alarm off and sleep in. So, I shut my alarm off. Then, I proceeded to wake up 20 minutes before my alarm was scheduled to go off…at 6am. Did I go back to sleep? No, like the responsible idiot I am, I got up and took a shower, folded laundry, and left by 7:15am.

So there I am at the coffee shop waiting for my coffee and all I can think is what a great, productive person I am; And despite my yester-self ruining my mood by reading until nearly midnight, I managed to have an excellent interview with the lawyer at 10am after some climbing and preparation. Here is an unedited version of the notes I took during the phone call:

I am going to go over grammar and mistakes later.

Right after the interview I just wanted to not do anything. There is still so much I can do, but I really need to not burn myself out before midterms. I went to the grocery store and got some vegetables and figs. Had my first meal around noon while reading my book.

An hour after I finished eating I had a mad craving for icecream, so I went back to the grocery store, but they didn’t have the flavor I wanted (COFFEE). I hate chocolate icecream and vanilla makes me sick, so I bought some maple candies, a small container of medjool dates, and these cardamom cacao nibs (from Elements Truffles LLC). I ate the maple candies on the way back home, and when I got into my room I took the pits out of the dates and then rolled them in the cardamom cacao nibs. First of all, whattt theee fuuuckk!! Second of all, AHHHH!!?? DELICIOUS! Better than icecream!

The rest of the afternoon consisted of me being lazy af, cuddling with my cat:

And reading on my Libby app. I did go back and forth between YouTube Hasan Piker complications and Spotify podcasts, too. The difference in political commentary between Hasan and Matt Walsh always amuses me. That’s my duty, though, as someone majoring in Political Science, to listen to as many different viewpoints as possible.

Xx M

[hercoconuts]

The Year in Pictures 2021

While many people, fearing the virus, continued to stay close to home, photographers traveled the world, documenting the world’s turmoil and

[hercoconuts]

12 Dec 2021

It’s not that I don’t care about life, it’s just that I don’t care about my life.

I mean, I do enough to want to learn and socialize at a bare minimum, and I want to graduate college and have deep conversations with people. I also want to travel and do my hobbies.

I just want to be a mom. That’s literally all I want is to be that and have a big family of kids I adopt. Maybe move to Norway. Teach teenage kids philosophy and politics. Make my kids breakfast and talk to them about the world.

But my life? Like right now? I just don’t feel in control of anything. Free will or not, I don’t feel free.

[hercoconuts]

*plays Communist music*

[hercoconuts]

Hebrew word of the day:

Tzedek

People who are in accordance with God’s will;

Attribute of God;

God’s judgement.

[hercoconuts]

28 Nov 2021

Happy Hanukkah! Day one of my first Hanukkah in the year of my conversion process. One side of my family comes from a line of Ashkenazi Jews, but as it happens, people separated and married into other religions.

My family is unaware of my intention to convert, so I will be attending Christmas with them this year and most likely many more.

Either way, I would like to say Chag Urim Sameach! This month has been incredibly busy and stressful. Finals are in 2 weeks, and I have many projects to submit. I finished a 10 page paper on Friday and got 350/350. My birthday was on the 21st, but I worked three shifts that day.

My classes are set for next term, and let’s say I am going to be pulling my hair out for the next few months.

Wishing myself luck for the New Year.

[hercoconuts]

06 Nov 2021

I had a three hour drive to my mom’s, and during my drive I turned on some lectures. One of those lectures went into depth about existence versus living.

You know, many of us go onto higher education and we study and study and study.. we switch majors, we pick minors, we eat the same foods at the same places, and we often find ourselves having these routines down that make life seemingly easier;

As a political science student, I am not like the ones interested in the history of politics or why once thriving institutions collapsed. I am not interested in picking and choosing between theories, debating current events, or stepping forward in my community as a leader.

I have no interest in being a politician or a lawyer or working overseas with the UN. Political science is so much more than just the rich history of politics and the current institutions in place that guide humanity in whatever moral or immoral way they see fit—democracy be damned for some.

Politics are not about living, they are about giving people the chance to exist.

Do we give people the chance to eat? Do we give people safety? Do we give people space to live? Do we give people opportunities to make the means required to survive?

I have my answers to those questions, and they are more than one worded answers.

Anyways, I have attached the lecture below. Don’t be discouraged from listening to it because it is Jewish and maybe you are not. It is an excellent lecture, even for the atheist.

[hercoconuts]

4 Nov 2021

I finished my last midterm in more than 3 hours this morning. It was 5 short essay questions, and my final grade was 94/100. Forgot to check my spelling before hitting submit.

The aftermath consisted of me sending an email to my professor practically begging for full credit on a late assignment due at midnight while unconsciously bitching about my classmates not working as hard as me. Yes, I do realize that is not a nice thing to do. The passive aggressive response of my professor was noted, and I sent an apology back since I began to overthink about how rude I sounded and I hate to imagine people disliking me for any reason. That is one of my biggest flaws. She responded again with a relieving message, basically saying she understand how stressed everything is and to hang in there.

I recovered from this week’s burnout by going home to shower before making my way to the grocery store for makeup wipes and fruit. A couple hours before work, I managed my stress by sloth-ing my way through a series of climbs at the rock gym. By the time I got home at 6pm, I was running on coffee and kombucha.

The rest of the night consisted of me shoving fruit and some salad into my face while watching Freedom Writers. Around 8pm I texted my bestfriend in a fit of anxiety asking her if she thought my email to my professor sounded bitchy, and like the kind bestfriend she is, her response was: “OMG NOOO!”

To ease myself into sleeping, I scrolled through political memes and triple checked my email before finishing Freedom Writers and passing out.