Domestic Adoption Camp
Last weekend I volunteered at one of the two hardest camps I've ever had to volunteer at. Domestic Adoption Camp was a camp that was hard in both the emotional and physical component. I've never felt so drained from a camp before.
You have to understand, the hardest camp prior to this was Camp Wapiyapi, which was a week long camp with kids with cancer. Let me give you a little background. The set up at this camp is very different from Heritage Camps. At Camp Wapiyapi, each companion was in charge of a child and this child is either a sibling to a child with cancer or someone battling cancer. The parents drop them off for a week and leave them up at camp with us. We tuck them in at night, help them with their morning and nighttime routines, make sure that they take their medication and let them enjoy some sunlight, which many have not had in a while. Because the camp is so physically tolling, there are also super companions to take over when the companion needs a little break from their kiddo. This camp was definitely the first camp that I left in tears from. I remember one of the high school campers reading a letter they wrote to everyone at camp about how grateful she was for everything she had. It touched me because these children have more appreciation for life than most of us who mindlessly live through life. They go through so much, but face life with an open mind and brave heart daily. I left emotionally and physically drained but energized to love and appreciate life.
Domestic Adoption Camp however, made me realize how dear adoption was to my heart. I've been volunteering with Colorado Heritage Camp for about 6 years now. I always went back to Chinese Heritage Camp for the kids. The middle school campers who would leave saying see you next year and the high school campers who added me on facebook and would annually tag me in a status to say they can't wait for camp. I went back for some of the connections I made with the children in terms of their identity and what it meant to have the face of an Asian-American. I went to Korean Camp for the same things but what touched me more at this camp was the returning counselors that were adopted and their stories and struggles that are still so real today. I had no idea why I connected with them so much. I never really though about it. I was approached by various counselors saying that they felt safe talking to me or that they appreciated that I could understand their perspective. I always thought that was related to the social justice work I did on campus but after going to Domestic Adoption Camp, I realized it was much more. I was essentially adopted by my grandparents and my aunts and uncles. I remember thinking about that a lot as a child. I used to wish that I was adopted to a better family sometimes but I never really thought about it as adoption with my family because it is so traditional for grandparents in the Chinese culture to watch over their grandchildren.
Of course, as I got older, all I had was appreciation for my family and the way I was raised. I've become a person who loves who I am and knows I wouldn't be here today without the sequence of events that occurred when I was younger. This camp just made me appreciate more of what my grandparents had given me and although I have a broken family and my grandparents have already passed, the struggles I had with my identity growing up have made me a more rooted person. Camp was hard because I could already see the struggles these children have. It's clearly written on their little faces and they have no where to hide those raw emotions. Of course, none of them were ready to talk about it yet, but I could just feel and sense it. That's what made camp hard for me. The fact that I didn't know how to effectively help them through their battle and that all I could provide was a little company and some scolding. I had 4th and 5th graders and they aren't ready to talk yet. They are at the stage where they are lashing their conflicted feelings on their parents and others around them. That made it hard for me to see because it reminded me a lot of my younger self. Back then, I was exactly like them. I didn't know how to process what I was feeling but I was just feeling bad. The worst thing was watching these parents struggle with their kids. Some really struggled with communication and discipline, mainly because they would tiptoe around a lot of things and baby them because they saw them as fragile. They wouldn't enforce discipline because they didn't want their children to feel unloved but that is just the wrong way to go in my own opinion, but children need role models to tell them what is right and what is wrong.
Camp was also extremely difficult because it's one of the newer camps. The funding is limited and the organization is more like disorganized chaos. Most of the time we would just have to wing things with the scheduled "activities." The biggest problem with this camp is that they are trying to structure it like all the other heritage camps that have a primary focus of promoting the ethnic culture and heritage to give the children some roots but the children at domestic adoption camp don't have that background. Some get adopted through an adoption agency and some get adopted through the foster care system. Some of these children have been exposed to some pretty bad stuff and aren't always adopted as infants or toddlers. The fact that the camp itself was so disorganized made it far more draining and frustrating. Hearing the stories of the campers from their parents and previous counselors made this camp so worth the frustration and weariness. Having the campers run up and ask if they could sit with you for breakfast was just heartwarming. Although this camp was extremely difficult and needs a lot of work, I definitely think I'll be back next year and hopefully I'll be less talk and more action.