Even though the poison ravaged his body and physically took him away from his children, it would seem spiritually, the warrior could connect with them. But not for long, as his sons need guidance just to see him.
Growing up and, most importantly, alive, the father couldn't be happier to see them, even if he had to watch from a distance to not threaten their lives too much with his presence.
He'd be damned if he'd let them get hurt once more.
Despite the unfortunate circumstances, he finds limited company in the familiar old rat that visits from time to time, the updates he shares always bringing him a spark of joy.
Oh, and his other ghost roommate that's made him question his existence more than once.
Perhaps another time, he'll be able to care for his children. For now, they have their fathers who will care for them more than he ever could.
cw: not rlly bullying but kids being mean behind his back?
word count: 1211
cross posted on AO3
James is too much.
He’s too loud and he’s too excited all the time.
He can’t help but feel ashamed when he realizes how loud he was laughing or how loud he was talking.
He’s never felt so bad about his loudness because his parents always encouraged him to be himself and Barty always matched his energy, and once at Hogwarts Sirius did too.
But then he heard some kids talking in the library, commenting on how loud he is, how obnoxious he is, and normally he doesn’t pay any mind to other peoples opinions on him, but it was what he said next that made him falter,
“I don’t get why his friends even like him, I'd be so done with him by now. I bet it's just because they share a dorm.”
“And Regulus too, I can’t imagine dating him, maybe it's just so he’ll keep letting him and Sirius live with him”
Since then, James decided he’d be better, that he would be quiet and less bothersome.
He stopped talking as much and he’d stopped laughing, and he felt like shit most of the time, but he continued because he really didn’t want to lose Regulus or his friends.
Despite what Regulus says, he likes how much James is.
He likes his big personality, it works well with Regulus’ own small personality.
He likes when James will just talk at him about whatever whenever because sometimes Regulus doesn’t feel like he can hold a conversation or when he’s anxious and he needs a distraction.
Sure sometimes James is loud and Regulus gets overwhelmed, but James is good at recognizing that and toning it down.
He adores how open and excited James gets, how he gets louder the more excited he is, how he’s always holding his hand or hanging off his shoulders, his loud and obnoxious laugh at even the stupidest things.
This is why he’s so concerned right now.
Because James has been quiet. He’s barely been talking, and he hasn’t laughed in a while, and he just sits there and does his work or eats silently.
Regulus has asked him if he was okay and got a nod and a half assed smile in response.
He wasn’t displaying any signs of sickness or flu, and he was still doing all his work, just silently.
So he knew something was wrong.
He was watching his boyfriend when they weren’t together, watching his interactions with his friends and in class, and it was the same.
He saw James’ friends exchanging worried looks back and forth, he saw Remus purposefully try and bring up James’ favorite quidditch team and their most recent game, with no response.
It was a random Tuesday night that Sirius had barged into his room, interrupting the studying he and his friends had going on.
“Sirius now that we’re speaking again doesn’t mean you can just barge into my room-”
“I need to talk to you. Alone.”
Regulus sighs but he hears the urgency and nervousness in his voice, so he gets up and follows him.
“What's wrong?”
“James. There's something up with him, but none of us know what. We were hoping he’d said something to you.”
“No, nothing. I’ve been worried too, he’s been so quiet recently.”
“We just don’t know what to do, he’s just sitting in his bed silently doing homework, he’s never acted like this in the 6 years I’ve known him.”
Sirius seems obviously stressed and Regulus understands this feeling, it was the same one he felt both now and right before Sirius actually left their home the year before.
“We’re meeting up tonight, I’ll try and ask him.”
Sirius nods and thanks him, giving him a quick hug before walking away back to the Gryffindor dorms.
Regulus tried to continue studying but he couldn’t stop thinking about how to ask James what had been going on this past month and what the possible answers were.
It's 11pm when he successfully gets to the top of the astronomy tower and sees James already sitting there, a small bag of what Regulus knows are treats and food from the kitchens.
Regulus smiles and rushes to sit next to his boyfriend.
Sure everyone knows their dating and they can be openly together, but it's not the same as getting to be alone. And they have been so busy with school they haven’t gotten to sneak up here in weeks.
He instantly melts into his side, laying his head on his shoulder.
James smiles and squeezes him into his side.
“James, I need to ask you something.” He pulls away now and turns to stare at his boyfriend,
“Anything.”
“But will you pinky promise you’ll tell the full truth?”
James holds out his pinky and when Regulus joins them he brings his hand to his lips, kissing it to prove he really means it.
“What's up Reg?”
“You’ve been acting all weird recently. You’re quiet, and you never laugh anymore, and I miss it, I miss you.”
James' eyes widened, “You miss it?”
“Yes, I really do”
“I-I thought I was obnoxious and too much and you-you’d stop liking me.”
“Oh James no, no I would never stop liking you. Did I do or say something that made you think that?”
James just shook his head, his eyes filling with tears,
“I heard these kids in the library talking, they said I was annoying and if they were you and my-my friends they would be done with me already and that the only reason they aren’t is cause-cause we’re roommates, or so you can still live with me, and-and I know that you would never date me just because we live together but-but I really don’t want you to get sick of me Reg, so I just started to be…less.”
Regulus was horrified and he wanted to know exactly who it was that said that so he could say some choice words to them that may or may not involve both his wand and fist.
But for right now he focused on the boy in front of him who is trembling and desperately trying to wipe away tears as they fell down his face,
“James, I love you, I fell in love with the you that talks for hours, and laughs loudly at anything and everything. And your friends love you for you too, I don’t know if you’ve seen it but they've all been worried. Sirius even came to ask me if you'd said anything to me. We all just want you to be happy.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I love you too” His voice is still a little small and still tear filled, but Regulus can tell he means it,
Regulus gently brought his boyfriend back into his arms, rubbing his back and softly affirming him,
“James, can you tell me one more thing?”
“Hmm?”
“The names and houses of these people you heard”
James laughed that beautiful laugh of his,
“You’re not hexxig anyone for me love, but thank you”
“I wasn’t gonna hex them!”
James gave him a look,
“I was going to hit them, it's very different.”
James shook his head but his smile was wide as he laid his head on Regulus’ shoulder, god he loved his boyfriend.
