How It All Began ~ Part 1
~ Please read authors note at the end! Thank you! ~
I leaned on the wall and looked out the window of my quarters. The sun was shining and I felt the warmth envelope my skin. A genuine smile spread across my face.
It had been a few months that I had begun fighting in the Survey Corps. Commander Erwin requested for any available recruits to join in their most recent expeditions due to dwindling numbers of soldiers. Our instructor, Keith Shadis, was forced to pick a group of recruits he thought were ‘expendable.’ One of them just so happened to be me. I remember cursing myself the night I found out I would be leaving training early to join the Survey Corps in their next expedition. I couldn’t help how easy certain aspects of training was, I felt as though I could afford to slack off a bit. Bad move (Y/N), bad move.
~~~~~~~~~
I carried my bag over my shoulder as I exited the place I called home for the past few years of my life. The cold breeze blew past my arms and I suddenly longed for the comfort of the plain wooden barracks. The comfort of my friends who had hugged me just before, unable to send the calming words of ‘you’ll be alright’ because who really knew. Would I be alright?
I looked towards the carriage that would be carrying the cadets who were chosen to leave training early. There were maybe ten of us total, but any amount was ‘desperately’ needed as Shadis had put it.
I reluctantly walked down the creaking steps of the barracks and walked towards the carriage. The closer I got the clearer I could see my fellow cadets faces. Some were blank, emotionless. Unable to express what they were feeling in that moment. One or two seemed excited, ready for the challenge.
~Arrogance will get you killed~ I thought.
But the majority of them had looks of fear in their eyes. Eyebrows scrunched together in thought as the realization slowly hit them more and more.
We would finally be facing titans. Real titans. Not just those shitty wooden figurines. Titans that would grab us, attack us.
Eat us.
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I finally reached the back of the carriage. I looked to my right and saw instructor Shadis putting his hand out to help me into the carriage.
“Thank you sir,” I spoke quietly. He nodded as I grabbed his hand and lifted myself into the carriage. I sat down on the hardwood, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.
~I can do this~ I told myself. ~I can stay alive, I can kill those bastard titans~
I was broken out of my small mantra as a hand rested on my forearm. I opened my eyes and looked towards Shadis. He looked at me, a stoic look in his eyes, but I could see the anxiousness he held behind it.
“Good luck cadet (L/N),” He spoke. “Try not to get killed out there.” Surprisingly his words calmed me slightly. The realism in his words, the focus being on ‘not getting killed.’ Gave me a focus, a ‘game plan’ as you may say. Because currently my mind was jumbled with ‘what ifs.’
He released my arm and stepped back as I nodded towards him.
“You prepared me well, sir,” I said with a small smile on my face. Trying to reassure him, as well as myself. He nodded towards me and spoke under his breath as the carriage began to move, I almost didn’t catch his words.
“I hope so.”
I hope so too.
~~~~~~~~~~
Arriving at the Survey Corps headquarters that night felt like our fates were set in stone.
“Welcome to your new home cadets,” A deep voice spoke as we exited off the carriage.
We were greeted by Commander Erwin. I stared up at him. His stance oozed confidence, his uniform bore the wings of freedom I had only ever seen in passing glances. He truly lived up to the stories we had all heard about him. He carried an aura of strength and determination I’d never seen on anyone. He gave a warm welcoming despite the context of the situation we were in. I could see why so many members of the Survey Corps were inspired by him.
He showed us around headquarters. The walls of the building were made of stone, the glass windows were a beautiful sight to see the outside. The view was incredible and left me in slight awe. We saw where we would eat, sleep, and train. Everything seeming more beautiful in comparison to the dingy training facility we were previously in.
The Commander introduced us to the few scouts who were still awake. They held smiles on their faces but I could see through a few of their facades. The dark circles under their eyes, the tired smiles on their faces, and the stress behind their eyes. I wondered if I would last long enough to know what they were feeling.
We continued through the building and we soon reached his office as well as revered Squad Leader Hange’s laboratory.
The woman appeared out of nowhere, eagerly excited to meet the new recruits. Her assistant, Moblit Berner, followed behind with a look of stress on his face. She rambled on about titans and the tests she had most recently been running. Although it was hard to understand her throughout her ramblings, I found myself deeply interested in her discoveries and plans for the future. She certainly had a fast moving intelligent mind, even her mouth couldn’t keep up with her thoughts.
Her tangent went on for what seemed like hours before Commander Erwin told her we must move on.
What I failed to realize before I left was that she had noticed my interest. While the other cadets were staring at a wall or shitting themselves in fear, she saw my attentiveness.
“I can tell that one will be joining us soon Moblit,” Hange spoke with a sadistic smile on her face.
Moblit cursed shakily under his breath as he observed Hange’s look in her eyes, “I sure hope so.”
Commander Erwin began to lead us down to where our sleeping quarters would be. We walked thought the eerily quiet hallways of the building. The small illumination of candles lighting our way.
After passing through the dark hallways seeing as most people were asleep, my eyes were quickly drawn to one door where light shone brightly from beneath it.
~Who was still up at this time?~ I thought.
As Commander Erwin's candle passed by the door I saw a small plack with a name scrawled over it.
Captain Levi
My eyes widened and a slight chill ran up my back. To think that humanity's strongest soldier was right behind that door. The one that many cadets had the gall to compare themselves to, but never managed to reach the prestige of the well known Captain.
“You coming cadet…” Commander Erwin paused. His voice broke me out of my thoughts and I noticed how I’d fallen behind the group. I felt nervousness build in my chest as I looked towards him.
“(L/N), Cadet (F/N) (L/N), sir,” I spoke clearly with a salute. He walked up to me and extended his hand for me to shake.
“I would introduce you to him, but he dislikes being disturbed,” Commander Erwin spoke. “And he’s quite cranky at night.” He whispered as he smiled at me.
My nervousness dispersed as I held back a small giggle and smiled up at him.
“But I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough but for now, keep up,” He finished as he patted my shoulder before walking back to the front of the group.
We continued walking down the dark hallway. I caught my last glimpse of the light from underneath the Captain's doorway as we turned the corner.
We soon reached the sleeping quarters and Commander Erwin sectioned us off into our rooms. Since I was at the end of the group I was last to be placed into a room.
“Aren’t you a lucky Cadet,” Erwin spoke. “A room all to yourself, not many get the privilege on their first day.”
I looked up to him with a grateful smile as I entered the room. I took a moment to look over the new sleeping arrangements. And they were a definite upgrade to the cramped barracks we were stuck in at the training camp.
The room had a small work desk on the left wall with a hanging oil lamp above it. A dresser was pressed on the wall across from the doorway next to a small window. The bunk was on the right wall with a small table in the center of the room. Somehow it felt ‘homey.’ It didn’t feel like the death sentence I had originally felt when I heard I was leaving for the scouts this soon. Surprising.
I walked over to the bottom bunk and set my bag down on my new bed. I took a breath and turned to the commander.
“Thank you sir,” I smiled. “But I’m sure these empty bunks will be filled soon, I’m almost certain many friends of mine from cadet training are planning on joining the scouts.” I assured him.
He nodded towards me with a thankful smile as he reached for the door handle.
“Goodnight cadet,” He spoke kindly.
He began shutting the door and for some reason anxiety ripped through my body. I didn’t want to be alone, what would tomorrow bring? Would I die on my first expedition. Was I ready?
I was scared.
“Commander!” I called out just as the door was about to click shut. Commander Erwin pushed the door open slightly. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at me.
“Yes?” He questioned. I tugged at the bottom of my shirt in nervousness. I felt stupid. Childish. For the question I was about to ask him.
“Commander, a...am I going to die on my first expedition?” I shakily asked. I could feel pressure build behind my eyes. I took a deep breath, forcing the tears to retreat. I didn’t want to look any weaker than I already felt.
Commander Erwin looked at me. His face was cascaded into seriousness. All signs of warmth gone from his face, determination replacing it.
“That’s up to you (L/N),” He spoke bluntly. “Every one of us goes out into titan country knowing the possibility of dying.”
“We struggle each expedition, not only with titans, but with the choice between surviving and protecting our squad,” He told me. “All of us in the scouts have seen enough deaths of comrades to last a lifetime. New cadets such as yourself, as well as people who have been fighting with us for years, there is no bias as to who dies on each expedition.”
“But no one truly knows how they’ll react when they are faced with a titan, faced with death, until it happens. So I can’t answer your question because I truly don’t know. But I can give you this advice.” His eyes narrowed slightly and his lips pressed together.
“Remember why you joined the military, remember what you’re fighting for.”
The honesty in his voice was unwavering. The idea of how many cadets had been through this, had come and gone, was a scary thought. But many had made it through for many years. And it was clear Erwin was a commander that wasn’t going to let his scouts give up without a fight, without pride in their hearts.
But in the end it was up to me. It was up to whether I would allow fear to withhold me and control my actions on the battlefield.
And although I was still fearful, I felt almost, hopeful of tomorrow.
“Get some rest cadet, we have an early morning ahead of us,” He finished before lightly shutting the door with a soft ‘click.’
I felt exhausted as I threw my boots off and jumped in bed. I looked up at the bottom of the top bunk above me. I steadied my thoughts as they continued to race until I was left without a single thought.
And I soon curled up and fell asleep.
Next Chapter! : How It All Began ~ Part 2
~ !IMPORTANT! I hope you guys liked it! This is going to be a two, possibly three, part story that will be setting the tone for other fan fictions I may do.
The point of this story is to give context of the character (you/(Y/N)) you will be reading about so you have a backstory for yourself and your connection to the characters in the manga/show.
Thanks for reading I hope to see you in my next post! Much love! ~