After only 2 hrs. of sleep…..4:30AM
Woke up suddenly to my heart pounding against my chest, and nausea. 😵💫 It scared me good, but this isn’t a complete random accordance. *sigh* Also….I’m most definitely not pregnant, if you were wondering. It’s most definitely to do with my hormones though. No doubt about it. It is all Phil & Mod’s fault!!!
Philomena & Modwenna, code names for my PMDD & my Perimenopause. 😭 I give myself full permission to hate them both! *sigh* But in a way, it’s like hating apart of myself though. Now I feel bad. Cause I don’t hate or dislike myself. Or maybe I do? Darn it!
These two life impacting health conditions have completely altered my life. It also greatly complicates my relationships, my social life and interactions. It 100% does not reflect the real me. I now have new exciting dreams and ambitions, but also my energy and endurance sees to be greatly dwindling. It feels so much out of my control. 💔
After waking up feeling terrible, I am proud that I didn’t panic and knew exactly how to care for myself. After a few pills, cuddles w/ my fur baby and a good burp; my heart rate is back to normal and nausea gone. I know; it is alot to deal with, but I must do it to overall function. I am glad that I am able to care for myself well enough. God continues to teach me to be a good stewart with my body. It’s part of truly loving myself despite its dramatic inner flaws.
Dear Lord, please continue to teach me how to better love myself. Which will also enrich my love for others. Thank you so much for choosing to love me first. To this day, I’m still not worthy of it, but that it what GRACE is. By your Son, who willing chose to take upon himself my deserved death sentence, which was already forged by my destined sins. He Made A Way! Thank you, Jesus. 🩷✝️
I promise I won’t give up! I refuse!!! I want to see our new dreams become real while I’m on this earth. God I know you’ll make a Way, especially when I cannot see a way. You’ve already done it countless times in my life. Which have only strengthened my faith and dependence on you. I love you, Sweet Jesus! AMEN

















