On my third day of being reactive, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had the urge to tell my family and my other best friends, I could not bare the fact that I’d be living a lie. I couldn’t possibly do this on my own. It felt very heavy inside. Thats when I decided to my siblings.
It was so difficult to talk to them as I would always breakdown when I spoke to them. I didn’t have the guts or face to meet them I was ashamed of myself at that time so I broke the news via mobile.
I had to sit down because I was starting feel Nauseated as I havent eaten a meal since I got diagnosed. Over the phone, I called my sister first then my brother. I was surprised that they were braver than I was, they both assured me that I could live a healthy life with the modern medicines and that I would live a normal life. But, no. I will never be normal again. That same day when I went out to try and feed myself, everytime I see a person, I’d think of how lucky that person was. I envied how they could live a normal and happy life. Maybe I can too and maybe because I’m still at a very early stage.
A couple of days later, I then had the guts to meet my siblings, I drove to my brothers apartment in the central business district of Manila, the traffic was horrible, and I was starting to get some appetite so I decided to get some take out.
When I got into the apartment, my siblings were there and my brothers wife, they did not make me feel different, they acted normal as possible, offering help, offering to introduce me to other people who has the same to see how they are in life. At a certain point of that night, we started to crack jokes, smiles were around the room but I’d still sometimes get hit and just breakdown. Maybe because I have not accepted it yet. After dinner, I had to leave to meet my other 2 best friends in the same city, we said our goodbyes and we hugged and I went on ahead to meet my other best friends.
Now, these two are in for a treat! I asked to meet them after dinner and usually, after dinner means drinks! I asked to meet them in a quiet place first, I told them I had to tell them something before we head out and hunt.
I went straight to Alice’ house which is in the city as Anastasia usually takes more than a couple of hours to prepare herself.
That moment when I met up with Alice, I had my self composed, feeling confident that I would break down as I’ve been crying and weeping for the past few days, we then started to drive to the courtyard just outside the village where we were meeting Anastasia, she insisted that I tell her the news already without Anastasia but I waited, we played a guessing game on what my news were and she guessing all the random stuff like if I was already getting married, moving to a different country and all. After ordering my tacos and soup, I stepped out for a smoke.
Then this woman who knows how to make entrance comes up from the stairs all dressed with hair and make up done walks up to me so confidently and goes “So, ano na?! Tell me na!” we proceeded to the table and they both were asking me already to break the news.
I told them, you might just not be able to eat if I tell you now, better to eat first and then I break the news. But they insisted, I give them a speech on how it has been the most difficult few days for me, thats when they both start to have a hint on where I was going, when I saw their faces starting to get red, I drop the news with my nervous tone, trying to keep my composure as we were in a public place. But that didn’t happen, we all broke down in tears, the first thing they said were “We will get through this” “Were here for you” “We love you”.
Hearing those words again from a none family member always breaks me, how can I be so lucky to be surrounded by kind people? I must be doing something right! You, know after breaking the news to these girls, I was surprised to see them eat more than I did!
That same night, my plan was to head home and not have a drink, but of course, the bad boy in me won and decided to go to and have “one drink”.
During the course of the night while having a pint of beer and tequila shots in between, another close friend of mine from the US calls in asking if we were out, I had the urge to tell him, since he was one of the guys that I usually hang with, he could keep a secret, he could protect me from whatever thing that could happen in the future, his name Steph.
Steph comes, and to be honest, I did not know how to tell him, for all you imaginary readers to know, I don’t have friends like me. Don’t be judgemental, I dont know why. It was hard for me to tell him because I looked up to the guy but I knew he’d be the most understanding from the whole barkada with of course the push of Alice.
I was right, when i broke the news to him, he was all out support, and to be honest, he’s the sweetest gentle giant in the world. With these 3 people with me on the table, I felt the love and care and I never felt before from the them, I finally felt that they were truly there to support and help me no matter what.
The next day, another best friend of mine calls me, his name is Preston, now, this guy… This guy, I told my self, I wouldnt tell him as I know he’s the most insensitive person I know in the WORLD. I knew that the moment I tell him, he’d be stepping on my dignity. A little background on this guy is he’s my travel buddy, we travel A LOT together. From the youthful days in Fuego to Thailand, Singapore, US, South America, Europe, to Australia.
But we had a chat on the phone, and Preston insisted that we meet up and catch up before I left the city again for work, we decided to meet somewhere in Makati again. We started with a bottle of wine and the conversations ranged from new business ventures to our random beach trips when we were still young, I felt sorry for him and my self. I couldnt face the fact that we were planning our new trips for the 3rd and 4th quarter of the year with a lie.
I asked him to shut up as he talks a lot… Without hesitation, I told him the news. It was my first time to see him that serious. I didnt know if he was pissed, mad, or wanted to leave. (I sure hope he didnt as we ordered a 200usd bottle of wine) lol
When he started to talk again, the words that came out of his mouth were the same with all my other best friends, “We will get through this” “Were here for you” “We love you”. After a few more drinks, thats when I started to smile again, I felt like I had nothing to hide from them and it was amazing.
