Pairing: Javier Pena x reader/you/the wife (no y/n)
Word Count: 1100
Rating: T
Warnings: Emotions.
A/N: Well well well.... this went by faster than I could predict. This comes from THIS REQUEST from the “To Infinity And Beyond 800 Follower Celebration” so thank/blame @chickadee-djarin
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This is part of the “Not Qualified For This” Dad!Javi Universe...while all the “chapters” are One Shots and can be read independently there is connective tissue and PARTICULARLY this one pairs well with “Lucky”. All are presented IN ORDER on the MASTERLIST.
How was this something he had earned?
How?
He’d been a liar and a cheat. He’d been a boozer.
He probably was going to be one lung short of a set.
There’d been a lot of...questionable behavior. Women he would not like admitting to knowing half so well as he did if his kids ran into them on the street.
There’d been so many times he was convinced his hands would never be clean enough and…
Fuck.
He was one of the good guys.
It didn’t always feel like good and bad were easy to find, easy to mark, easy to know.
He had tried so hard to be good but he just often felt he was slightly off mark.
Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades. His Pop had teased him all the time as a kid. His grandmother, the original Pete, had clucked her tongue, And shotguns.
Yep. And shotguns. Those too.
But the point was…
How had it all gotten here?
“Javier, grab your gun and get out, they know where you live.”
He would wake in the night sometimes, sweating, breathing hard, hearing that voice in his head, and he would always be half-reaching for the gun in his bedside table. It had been an argument with you when the kids were small because you’d seen all the news reports about kids and their parents guns but the argument was ended when Javier just said “Escobar.”
It was a shorthand.
A memory.
Then a nightmare.
You could see the boogeyman get buried but still not believe he was dead.
Then the Pepes, Cali…
You were often proud of Javi but you understood-- the people he went toe to toe with didn’t exactly care about boundaries.
There were times he was in the car and he would think about you three at home and even so he would nod to the person next to him and say Follow or I’ll cover you or Get closer.
He knowingly walked towards the shit most days.
And now…
Jesus.
How had it come to this moment?
He was shaking.
He’d dragged cartel bosses out of their houses by the scruff of their necks like naughty kittens and he was shaking.
You rubbed his back lightly, “You ok?”
He just nodded.
You were glowing.
God.
How had that ever fallen in his lap?
He was often half-convinced that he would come home one day and you would have packed up and left, having come wise to the seemingly obvious truth that you could do better and probably should and were going to bring the kids with you.
The fact that you hadn’t, at this point, led him to believe you were either a little delusional or sticking it out.
Either way, he loved you.
He had been angry once at the fact that he loved you because he knew he was going to drag you down with him. He knew it wasn’t going to be an easy life and he was going to keep pulling you along beside him just because he couldn’t get enough of you.
And the kids…
God.
He had never envisioned himself as a father until something about you quieted the terror. Even so...he remembered the first day Petey was born.
He remembered reaching out and being in absolute panic that he would hurt her.
“No, no, no...what if I…” But the nurse didn’t listen and just said “You’ll be fine.”
He had only cradled her so closely because he was afraid to drop her.
He shushed her because he was afraid just looking at him would scare her.
A girl.
He had been convinced there had to be a God and he was laughing. That or Javier’s grandmother had put in a special request.
Petey had had him wrapped around her finger within minutes.
He was always beating himself up-- next time he’d do better as The Dad. He would make it to a soccer practice without standing on the sidelines smoking. He would not crack a corny joke at her friends. He would not go to her job and embarrass her when she got a promotion with flowers and cheers. He would not dance with her around the living room when she brought good news back to the house. He would not wring her husband’s neck.
Well.
He was adjusting to Trent, it was apparently a very slow process.
And just…
Somehow, at some point, while trying to get by without messing up, he had fallen into some incredible kind of success. Failed up.
Your head was on his shoulder for a second and you nuzzled into his neck, giggling a little, “Well?”
He didn’t look up but he felt the smile spread across his face, “Hm?”
“What do you think….Pop?”
He snorted, “I think he’ll do.”
He whispered next to the baby’s head, “Right, kiddo? Think we’ll keep you around?”
The tiny little boy was snoring in his hands, so small, so warm, breathing fast like a little puppy, making small restless gestures.
Javier could have stared at him for hours.
It made him feel young. It made him feel old.
Petey was a mom.
His baby.
His baby had had a baby.
Today.
She’d had a baby today.
She had been joking in the weeks leading up to it that she was going to ask for him in there with her and he looked mortified but said, “If you want.”
Which she laughed at and patted his head and said Don’t worry Dad.
But he would have, if she asked.
Still, right here? Right now?
This was preferable.
Just a sunny day, window open, a breeze coming in, and a tiny little boy with one exaggerated black curl on his forehead sleeping soundly in hands that remembered how to hold a baby, even so many years later. Remembered how to hold them steady, hold them close, without accidentally being too much or upsetting them.
He sometimes wondered if he had done enough.
Had he been good enough?
Been there enough?
When he had turned around one day and Petey was married and Jorgi was working and the house was empty he had worried...had they done something wrong or was the silence right?
Now…
It was quiet but the silence was so right. He knew the silence would give way to noise, to being noisy, and he knew there would be a house full of stuff and clutter and second chances to worry about doing it right all over again...
"....Javi."
A tiny smirk took his face and he whispered to the baby, "Since when do you call me that, Petey?"
A gentle snort, "No dad...his name is Javi."
Javier didn’t answer, he just pressed his nose along the baby’s temple and held him close.
Tom makes his way through the crowd, searching for at least one face that he could recognize. It’s shore leave for the holidays, a whole month. Tom could usually wait to see his family, but it’s been well over a year since he’s seen them so he can’t help but be ecstatic. He grins widely when he spots his brother with his youngest sister near the back of the families welcoming their friends and family with open arms.
“Cameron,” he calls out over the buzzing people. His brother’s head snapped towards him, making eye contact. Tom waves and pushes through the crowd, smiling all the way. He sees Cameron grab his sister’s arm and pull her into the crowd with him, he laughs to himself at the sight of Lily rolling her eyes and trying to punch Cameron.
Before he can even look at his siblings, Tom is met with a bone crushing hug from both his brother and sister. “Tom!” Lily yells into his chest.
“Hey, guys. Good to see you, too,” Tom chuckles as Lily’s arms grow tighter around him before he starts wheezing.
Cameron lets go, “C’mon, Lily. Let Tommy breathe.”
The teenager sighs and lets go of her brother, mumbling something under her breath. Tom snickers and looks around, “Is anyone else—” he cuts himself off. Over Cameron’s shoulder, he spots Pete, walking away from the crowd of excited families, alone.
im sorry this wasnt posted yesterday😭 i went to a katy perry concert and it went longer than i expected
