Choosing Away From Mommy Guilt
One of the joys of my holistic occupational therapy practice is working with new moms. I help moms with pelvic floor and abdominal retraining, pelvic alignment, pain, strengthening and endurance building. Through craniosacral therapy and spiritual counseling, I help address imbalance on the physical, emotional, and energetic levels of mom's experience. I help address issues around self-honoring choices, how to find balance in a new, often chaotic, life experience, and how to commit to personal care while also navigating the world of loving, conscious parenting.
This isn't small or easy work. On the physical level, many moms deal with insecurity and frustration with learning to navigate the world with a very changed body, a body that often takes another 9 months (at least) to regain full strength and integrity. Moms learn to live life with profound and often painful sleep deprivation, negotiating life with the "Mommy-fog" that can be an absolute game changer for a mind that used to be sharp and quick. And then there are the judgements, the dreaded mind chatter and mommy guilt.
I should be better.
My kid would be happier, if I was doing it right.
I should be strong and brave and balanced and flexible and perfect at all times because that's what it means to be a mom!
If I did it right, my baby would never be sick.
I'm a terrible mom because I lost my temper, needed a nap, forgot to pick up groceries, forgot what day it is, my baby doesn't sleep through the night, I parent differently than my neighbor, blah, blah, blah, blah... UGH.
Inevitably, this crap comes up for the moms I work with, and I get it. It came up, and continues to come up for me. As a mom, I am constantly battling the inner demons that would have me believe that I am a bad mom, that I'm not doing it right, or that I have somehow screwed up my child forever because of something I said or did or didn't do.
As my dear teachers, Ron and Mary Hulnick often say, "Growth is a process, not an event". And so, I walk my path in service to deepening in my loving for myself, for my child, for the women I serve, and the community of parents who are all doing the best they can.
What does that look like? Committing to self-care. Clarifying, understanding, and releasing judgments as they creep in. Seeking out and participating in a community of support. Asking for help when I need it. (And we all need it sometimes.) And reminding myself that growth can be messy, for me and most certainly for my kid.
Mommy guilt is a choice. A choice I actively work to choose away from each and every day, before it gets the best of me. What path are you choosing?