#holly bourne

[bookpaula]

New Listen

[k-y-g]

📖: places i've cried in public // holly bourne

[thatsmybook]

I know this is probably obvious to most people, but it occurs to me that Ben Hope's manipulation of Charlie Spring is even more sinister than I thought. Throughout season two, we see that he wants Charlie back and is certain that Charlie belongs with him and Nick stole him. He thinks of Charlie as his possession to do with as he pleases. In season one twice, he tells him that no one else will want him, so he should be grateful for the attention that Ben gives him. He wants to beat Charlie's self-esteem down to the point that he needs Ben's attention over anyone else's. If he can only get Charlie to feel worthless, he can have his undivided attention as and when he needs it.

Charlie is his thing, and so it doesn't occur to him that Charlie saying leave me alone, stop touching me, I know you hate yourself don't include me in your hate, ignoring him - are all moments that he should respect and listen to. Charlie has, to us, such a triumphant moment of telling him off and self-determination at the end of season one, yet it has zero effect on Ben. He just ignores it.

This is what makes Ben so scary. He can not see Charlie as a full person. He continues to stalk him in season two, still thinking that Charlie would enjoy his attention. He thinks it's probably Nick who's distracting Charlie from remembering that he's into Ben. He doesn't see any difference between himself and Nick other than he was there first and 'owned' Charlie first, so he needs his property back. ("Charlie thinks you're this perfect boyfriend, but you're just like me. / It's not my fault Charlie liked me first.")

When he finally apologises to Charlie, he only talks about what he was going through and vaguely apologises for being "a messed up person." But to him, that's just apologising for not being able to be out like Nick and Charlie. He has not shown that he thinks any differently about Charlie being his possession. In fact, he says, "I wanted someTHING good. You were something good. " Blatanlty calling Charlie a THING he wanted to possess. Whether Charlie wanted him or not. Even Imogen he treats as a doll he can pull towards him and kiss when Nick is watching.

So this has me thinking that there was never space to redeem Ben as a character because his narcissism goes deep. His trouble with his sexuality is only the top layer. I can only imagine the trauma that Charlie feels having been viewed the way that Ben has seen him. And beaten down so often over those 5 months of their relationship. And he was only 14 at the time. That stuff stays around a long time.

Anyway, the coercive control that Ben has been using on Charlie has been finally talked about in Young Adult books and media over the last few years. I'm so glad that this example exists in action for kids to hopefully be able to spot it when it is happening to them. And that Charlie's confidence and self-determination is what really gets him out from under Ben's control, I hope kids are inspired.

[mschocolateworld]

To wyglądało jak miłość. Smakowało miłością. Lecz miłością nie było.

Holly Bourne - “Miejsca, w których płakałam”

[dailyquotes2868]

You never know if happy memories are going to become sad ones.

Holly Bourne, The Places I've Cried In Public

[beyoursunset]

"But it is my face. It is. It is. And my face is enough."

YOU COLD BE SO PRETTY – Holly Bourne.

[liz-not-bennet]

"If you're not scared, then it's not courage."

- The Yearbook, Holly Bourne

(p. 42)

[thispenguinrocks]

You don't have to stop looking after yourself just to help the world. In fact, sometimes it's better for the world if you put yourself first. That's not being selfish in fact, looking after yourself is the greatest act of kindness you can give the world. Loving yourself first is the best way to spread love. You've tried so hard to be kind, but you've not started with you, and maybe that's where it's gone wrong?

Are We All Lemmings and Snowflakes? by Holly Bourne