#honestlybro

[commandeur-blog]

Never thought the day would come.

I want farm animals. But I don't wanna live in the country.

I want milking goats and I want some chickens.

and also I want a garden, but I've always liked gardening so.

what the fuckkk, I'm a tree hugging peace loving hippie nerd. hwevjkslvkja

I still don't listen to country music eilubgh;ioerghv;uioghvelleg

[commandeur-blog]

I'm cheating on this project.

no fucks even given.

[commandeur-blog]

don't ask me to wait for you if you aren't actually going to try to actually do something.

please.

[commandeur-blog]

I want to meet someone new.

I don't want a friendship.

I don't want a lot of fuss.

I want a quick-boom-together.

I want someone I'll figure out later.

Only a few simple rules.

No other lovers.

No secrets.

No painful addictions.

I want someone without ties.

I want someone good.

I'm tired of all these challenges.

[commandeur-blog]

66 ounces ; 2 liters

[commandeur-blog]

I wish I could make everyone happy at once but I can't.

I wish I could avoid the guilt brought by the word no.

I wish I wasn't always avoiding everything.

I wish I could restart life.

I wish I wasn't so selfish.

I wish I was smaller.

I wish I had a purpose now.

I wish I could be a hero.

I wish I would live every once a while.

I wish I was healthier.

I wish I was more confident.

I wish I could blend in a little more.

I wish I had an outstanding talent.

I wish I wasn't so afraid. 

I wish I would stop being so emotional.

I wish I could escape whatever this mood is.

I'm so down.

I'm so tired of crying.

I'm so tired of people taking advantage of my weaknesses.

I'm so tired of being lesser.

[commandeur-blog]

born in the wrong generation.

I want to lay in my room with my head in swirls and listen to John Lennon sing 

lilt 2 3 lilt 4 5

I want to see colors. I want to listen with my eyes and hear through my eyes.

It's the most gorgeous thing, you know?

Colors so vivid they create sound and sound so orgasmic you're blinded completely from real vision.

I'm not talking about drugs, folks, I'm talking about art.

man. 

fuck 'em. I'd rather live starting deep within myself. I'm tired of living for everything that I don't want. 

Everything is affecting me so deeply that it hurts. I'm on this bridge between pain and pleasure. Teetering literally in the middle. 

I want to find some kind of peace. I don't want anymore of these bullshit outwardly living people. stop posing. I hate it, I hate it.

it's probably going to be impossible to ever find someone who understands. I don't think within the average template. I'm so confused. I need to lay out my thoughts haphazardly before I can organize them.

Christ.

[commandeur-blog]

Merry Christmas all!

I finally finished my blogblogs queue for while I'm in New York.

gah.