46. junghope/hopekook ♡I miss you and I hope you're doing well♡
OMG WE HAVENT TALKED IN WHAT FEELS LIKE FOREVER???? (also when did you change to Kas I used to call you smth different and I was so lost for a while lol) I miss you too! I’m doing ok, had a bad semester but things are looking up now so that’s good :D Also, I still owe you another fic, don’t I… Hmm. I should get back to work on that even though it’s like months late…
ANYWAYS. Thanks so much! I’m putting them as father/son instead of a couple, if you wanted junghope as a couple let me know and I’ll write another one ^^;
Sometimes it hurts to look Jungkook in the eye.
It hurts to see the loneliness there, the pain, thepaper-thin wall of false bravado he presents to the world not enough to hidehis feelings. Hoseok knows his son better than anyone in the world, and he cansee when he’s hurting.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, and watches Jungkook’s gaze falter.
“It’s nothing, Dad,” Jungkook replies, quiet, firm, andthere’s strength in those words, strength that shouldn’t be there in a ten-year-old’s voice, and Hoseok’s heart aches all over again.
Hoseok just looks at him, and Jungkook breaks eye contact. “It’snothing,” he insists again, unprompted, and Hoseok sighs.
“What did I miss this time?”
It’s a mark of how often this has happened that Jungkookdoesn’t even deny it after that. Jungkook swallows, stares at his feet. “Therewas a competition today,” he says, whispers, and Hoseok takes a deep,shuddering breath.
“I’m sorry,” he says, but both of them know things won’tchange. Can’t change. Hoseok is toobusy, now, trying to support himself and his son and his wife, with too littletime for anything, even his son.
The fact that Jungkook can look him in the eye and say “It’sok” with complete sincerity shows maturity that he should not have, not yet,and Hoseok is the one to look away this time. Jungkook should be a child still,unreasonable and selfish and yelling that his dad doesn’t love him if he missesa single dance recital, storming to his room and sulking for hours until Hoseokbrings him ice cream or something in apology. Hoseok had never wanted Jungkookto grow up so fast.
Jungkook heads to his room quietly after dinner. Hoseokstays at the kitchen table, a cup of tea in his hands, left untouched longafter it grows cold. He loses track of time, sitting there, remembering,mourning. Lamenting a past that he had taken for granted, a present that couldhave been so different, a future that would never come to pass.
He doesn’t know what time it is when Jungkook creeps backdown the stairs, but he knows it’s long past his bedtime. “Jungkook? Why areyou up? Go back to bed.”
“You go to bed,”Jungkook retorts, and Hoseok cracks a smile, because this – this is the banterhe imagines from a ten-year-old child. “Why are you still up, Dad?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” is all he says, and he stretches in hisseat, knocks over the forgotten tea. “Oops. I’ll just clean this up then we both go tobed, ok? I can’t take you to school tomorrow, I have work at 7.”
“Dad, it’s Saturday. I don’t have class.”
“Oh.” Hoseok considers this. When had the days blurredtogether so easily? “Sorry. Still have work, though.”
“Ok.” Jungkook doesn’t look surprised. A little sad, alittle disappointed, but not surprised in the least. “Hey, Dad?”
“I can’t sleep either. Can we watch a movie or something?”
It’s Saturday, Hoseok remembers. Jungkook can afford this.And Hoseok isn’t going to sleep any time soon without some help. “Sure, kiddo.Anything you want?”
“Not a sappy love story,” Jungkook mutters, and Hoseoklaughs because the last time he’d played theNotebook and Jungkook had cried like a baby. Then he frowns, becauseJungkook shouldn’t have had any idea of the grief, the loss, shouldn’t havebeen so affected.
“Right,” he says, rapidly, shaking away the thought. Hepicks out a random Disney movie, pops it in. Should be safe enough to prevent tears tonight.
Neither of them are paying much attention to the screen, butit’s comfortable, the pair of them, leaning against each other on the couch. It’sbeen a while since they’ve been able to spend time like this, just relaxing with each other, and Hoseok lets himself enjoy it.
Hoseok falls asleep and dreams of his wife, his head in herlap, her hand in his hair, running through it lightly, rhythmically, soothingaway his worries and letting him sleep peacefully for the first time in months.
Jungkook stares down at his father’s face and counts thelines, the wrinkles. There are so many more there than there used to be. Thedusting of gray hair at his temples, too – that’s new. It wasn’t there a few months ago, and Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat.
Dad is getting old,and there’s nothing Jungkook can do to stop it, no matter how quickly he triesto grow up. It’s like the faster he tries to mature, the older Dad gets too, both of them stuck in a race against time that neither can win.
Dad’s fallen asleep, the old geezer. He always fell asleepthrough movies. Jungkook reaches out, hesitates.
He remembers, before – Mom would always run a hand throughDad’s hair when he was sleeping. “He sleeps better when you do it,” she saidwith a smile. “See? Doesn’t he look like he’s smiling?”
Hoseok doesn’t look like he’s smiled in months.
Carefully, Jungkook lets his hand brush against his father’sbangs, then his temple. Hesitantly, he starts to comb Hoseok’s hair, gentle,fleeting touches, scared of waking him.
Jungkook watches as the deep furrows in his father’s browseem to fade, smooth out, watches as Hoseok’s lips curve into a tiny, tinysmile.
Hoseok’s heart might hurt for his son, but Jungkook hasalways felt pained for his father too.
“Let’s visit her when you have time,” he says, softly. “We’lltalk to her again. It’ll be good for you to see her.”
Even if his mother wouldn’t remember her son, it would be worthit, as long as Dad could smile again.
