#houstland

[askaphmaine]

Portland: Told Houston I like him. He said he’s unsure and needs to think about his feelings for me

Augusta: How long has he been thinking?

Portland: 3 years

(Source: Twitter)

[askaphmaine]

Houston: Fuck you

Portland: Is that an insult or a to-do list?

Houston: What?

Portland: What?

(Source: Twitter)

[askaphmaine]

Houston: I need to get something off my chest.

Portland: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.

(Source: Twitter)

[askaphmaine]

Houston: I slept for 15 hours. What did I miss?

Portland: This dick.

Houston: Oh thank god. I thought I missed something big.

(Source: Twitter)

[askaphmaine]

Portland: Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby?

Houston: What’s a matter baby?

Portland: Nothing sweetie, what’s-a-matter with you?

(Source: Tumblr)

[askaphmaine]

Austin: Doesn’t your behavior contradict all the religious rules you’ve been espousing your whole life?

Houston: You’re right, it does. And it’s something that I’m struggling with these days.

Austin: Then why are you doing it?

Houston: Because I’m not perfect, Austin, and that man’s booty is.

(Source: The Big Bang Theory)

[askaphmaine]

Portland: *hugs Houston from behind* I love you.

Portland: *whispers into Houston’s ear* But if you ever forget to feed the cats again I will destroy you.

(Source: Twitter)

[askaphmaine]

Portland: You're crazy

Houston: What?

Portland: You were supposed to say "yeah, about you"

Portland: Why is real life never like the movies?

(Source: Twitter)