#hsv support

[suffered-in-silence]

Bad advice.

I've just come back from an STI check up (stay safe kids), and am shocked at what i was told.

So here are some of the facts I told the nurse:

1. I had a 1 night stand and it was unprotected (I was very drunk and it's my first 1 night stand).

2. I have HSV.

3. I told the man I had HSV.

I was told:

"Well let's hope that if that man has a girlfriend that he gives her herpes and then thats karma!"

I am... horrified. Who in their right mind would want to infect an innocent person, in probably the exact same way that I myself was infected?

"At least you don't live in America; they look at herpes like a horrible disgusting disease over there. They send you to prison and all sorts"

... what the actual fuck? Not only is this bullshit, it could be extremely detrimental to someone's mental health hearing that. I'm lucky that I'm confident enough in my diagnosis around health care professionals, but a huge amount of people are newly diagnosed, young, or haven't come to terms with their diagnosis yet. We should feel safe around these professionals, and although she didn't seem to be judging me, her tact was absolutely outrageous.

"You know you don't have to tell them you have herpes? If you're not having an outbreak, there's no need"

At this point I couldn't bite my tongue. Herpes can transmit from asymptomatic shedding and there's no way to know if you're shedding at any one time. I assured her that I'm honest, and wouldn't want anyone to catch HSV the way I had; unknowingly. I told her about asymptomatic shedding. She acted like she knew. So why is she telling her patients to hide their diagnosis, and promote the spreading of HSV? This woman is educating the younger generation, and telling them to keep quiet. This goes against anything I've ever written on this blog and it makes my blood boil.

She isnt judging me, but she is promoting the stigma surrounding genital herpes.

Please make sure you answer back to these sorts of comments, especially when you can be open with a doctor/nurse/health care worker. I'm still not in a place where I discuss my diagnosis with my friends, but i can definitely fight back in a circumstance such as this.

Stay strong, everyone! And remember; be honest, be open and be safe. ❤

[suffered-in-silence]

"I really don't care"

My boyfriend thought that my parents and family knew about my HSV. I don't know why but this angered me; why would I tell them something so personal? They would never accept me if they knew. They'd think I was dirty, damaged goods, and how could he not understand that? Then I got to thinking... my HSV status literally means nothing to him. He doesn't think about it, he doesn't judge me. And he clearly thinks that it isn't an awful thing, to the point that he was surprised I hadn't spoken with my family about it. He cares as little about this virus as I do, and that is one of the many reasons why I will marry this man.

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

SPFPP 213: Inspiring Advocacy Through Social Support

Kim has been an admin for some of the alternative social support groups you’ve heard me talk about, or you’ve seen me post footage of on Instagram whenever I’ve been able to make it out. She speaks to her experience not only serving the community behind the scenes as an administrator and event planner, but as a member of them as well.

We touch on her self care practices to minimize potential for compassion fatigue/burnout. She hosts an event, then indulges in another event. One big takeaway from this episode is relevant to anyone extending support to others. It’s important to establish a network of like-minded people or individuals who share your passion and are just as invested in the community as you are. It’s important that as sources of support, we have our own sources for support as well.

There are at least a couple dozen Kim’s out here behind the scenes who will never get the kind of praise, love, attention, or social status I’ve acquired given my privilege to be open about my herpes status. I want to acknowledge this and speak to just how much work goes in to what it is people who volunteer their time to us endure as community is built and held together. I think I do the easy thing, along with other people who are on the forefront of speaking out against herpes stigma. We get quick engagements where people come get what they need from us and go on for the most part. We represent the community. It’s people like Kim who ‘recruit’, welcome, support, and hold community together inspiring advocacy from within through the social support networks that have been created.

Some people don’t need the services offered by Something Positive for Positive People. Maybe they already listen to the podcast, have a therapist, don’t struggle with disclosure, but just need something they can’t speak to. I recommend checking into these social support communities. They’ve added to my own confidence being open about my status. They also contribute to my “why” in a way. Knowing so many people wish they could do more but can’t due to the chokehold stigma has on some of us. With every sharing of status, with every support system tapped into, we create allies. Those allies begin to advocate for us in spaces we don’t feel safe to. The greater the allyship, the softer the stigma.

To get connected to these social support groups, hit me up. I’m most accessible via Instagram @honmychest.

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

Delete

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

Bonus Episode 008: Community Cure

There is no known cure for herpes at the time of recording of this podcast. This is me sharing my experience in how a sense of community has played a huge role in my own healing process. It hit me when I read Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. Originally I was seeking it for its content on nonmonogamy and the word community really resonated with me and I realize in hindsight just how useful it was for me to have a community, and how I see it as a tool for healing among so many others after their diagnosis.

I didn't edit this. Emily and I spoke in authenticity this excuses my stutters and umms lol. I hope you enjoy!

Stay Positive!

[somethingpositive4positivepeople]

Episode 23: This is NOT Your Stigma

Ya'll! We have a local semi-celebrity on this one!!!! You gotta listen to find out who she is  . (She doesn't think she's a celebrity. I think she is because she sings for money lol) This isn't your stigma. It belongs to the uneducated, uninformed, inexperienced individuals who don't have, don't know they have or in denail about the  potentially coming in contact with herpes. I was there until I got it along with many others. There's a transition period that begins with your diagnosis where what you KNEW about herpes is now what you believe about yourself, and then you begin to realize majority of those beliefs are untrue as you begin to have your own experience. This new found experience means understanding terminology, how your body responds to the virus, and beginning to educate and inform yourself and then realizing each person has their own experience.

I believe that through educating people as the opportunities present themselves is an important key to disassembling the stigma. We all fear judgment but the only way to free ourselves of it is to help free others by sharing our experience as the most educated group of people about herpes being that we have it. There's nothing to be ashamed of except the indifference we express by not speaking up against those who make those ignorant herpes jokes. I'm guilty of it and hope I never find myself in a position to not educate in that instance again.

Please continue to rate, subscribe to and review episodes of the podcast so that others are able to connect with the resources available to help them better understand the virus, their experience and connect with others for support.

I'm on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr and Reddit @HOnMyChest.

[itsaciscoworld]

It's been awhile

I'm sorry everyone, I'm sorry for being gone so long. I opened the tumblr app today for the first time in ages and started scrolling through my inbox (not messages) and my heart broke reading the hundreds of you who dealt with new outbreaks or were just reaching out for a friend and support. I'm sorry I was not there for you. I'm sorry I did not respond to your message. I hope you are doing well, and you found someone who gave you light and love to get through your situation. I will do my best to be back on here more and talk to you all.

[itsaciscoworld]

My first disclosure

It has been almost 2 years since I was diagnosed, and I recently had my first disclosure with a romantic partner. Let me first explain that I have been having sex these past 2 years, but all my partners have been guys who I had slept with before I was diagnosed. They all got that awesome text "hey I just went to the doctor and I have herpes" yadda yadda yadda. 4 of them decided that I was worth the risk and we've had some fun over the past 2 years. But I've never had to tell anyone new, I've never had to tell someone I liked that I have herpes and open myself up to that rejection. 

 It was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do (Bravo to those who are disclosure champs 👏) but I'm so proud of myself for doing it and treating my partner with that courtesy and respect. 

 His reaction? "Babe, that's it? I don't give a fuck. Can we have sex now?" Yeah, I found a keeper. 😍