#htown rambles

[zerogender-onlyswag]

If you can’t find affordable merch for your sexuality or romantic attraction: make your own. Repainted demiromantic pin

This used to be a bi flag pin that I bought off Wish when I was leaning REALLY hard into being bisexual/biromantic after my ex and I broke up and I started questioning being on the asexuality spectrum. I’m still bi-aligned but the only people who I really feel the need to share that with in a significant way beyond a casual mention are the people I’m trying to date, which, I figured out, AREN’T VERY MANY.

It took me a really long time to figure out that I was mistaking a lot of romantic attraction for sexual attraction and the reason I’d only ever had feelings for my friends was because of my romantic attraction, not my sexuality. I’ve always identified as a hopeless romantic because I love romantic stories, and certain aspects of performative romance (I took my first girlfriend to a formal dance at an anime con dressed as Pearl in a suit and then wondered why she fell for me so hard and the level to which I turned on the romance ultimately led to me calling it off because it scared me. Still feel pretty bad about it 😓) but I’ve actually so rarely felt actual romantic attraction. When I first heard about aromanticism I discounted it immediately for myself because how could I be aro at all if I love romance so much? It took a lot of self-searching to get to the point I’m at now with my identity and I really want to own more demiromantic pride merch but it’s an even more obscure identity and even stores specifically designed for pride merch leave it out. So I made my own.

[zerogender-onlyswag]

Someone needs to take my phone away from me past like midnight.

I legit might bite them though.

My word game isn’t making my sleepy anymore so I’m starting to not know how to shut my brain off. I was working on my fic, about halfway through the chapter, but I’m tired enough I can’t focus on it.

But I’m jittery enough that I want to get up and run around also.

ADHD sucks ass.

[zerogender-onlyswag]

I want a bigger place so bad so I can have more spaces to just hang up cosplay in a visible place. Having my frequently used wigs live on my walls has helped me put them away and having a clothing rack for laundry that I also use to hang my binder and recently used cosplays has made it so I actually do put my cosplays away more often.

[zerogender-onlyswag]

Besides the fact that it’s an annoying trope primarily done by straight people, I think the “queer story=coming out” narrative needs to stop.

It’s not safe for all queer people to be “out” in all situations for instance. I’m out to friends and family and online but I’m not out at work.

Some queer people don’t want to be “out” in the sense that they’re openly talking about being queer all the time.

And I think it puts pressure on queer youth to pick a label to come out as, and then they get backlash when they decide to change their labels later.

Coming out should be personal and American media has made it really commercial.

[zerogender-onlyswag]

God I miss being in musicals. I mean I miss acting in general, and straight plays are fine but MUSICALS 🤩🤩🤩🤩

They’re fun even if you’re not a lead, for one thing. And the soundtracks can get stuck in your head for the whole show but then (most of the time) you still come out of it loving the songs because you bonded with everyone.

Theatre purists and snobby assholes who don’t know what fun is and just want “realism” in their theatre can come at me. Musicals are awesome.

[zerogender-onlyswag]

TikTok is interesting bc it highlights how the sound affects acting. Different sounds illicit different responses based on accents/vocal quality/etc. in addition to the cos-acting I’m doing and it’s fascinating to watch myself move differently bc of different sounds and characters combined. It’s all so subconscious that I wouldn’t notice if I didn’t have video evidence of it.