Mar 11, 2017
Huhai lakes. Beijing , china.
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Huhai lakes. Beijing , china.
Nagpuli2 ra jud mo ug samok2 sa ako heart ug ako mind.
Bed's too wide for me. I need a snuggle partner. Hahaha
The Qin Empire Crumbles
Yeah, so this post isn’t really about Emperor Qin anymore, but it’d better to conclude everything properly and not leave loose ends hangin’.
Now that Zhao Gao had all the power, he started bein’ real douche-y. Everybody was like, scared of him ‘cause he was the one controllin’ the entire court. The Second Emperor didn’t really give a shit about the empire and rulin’ it. He just wanted to have the sexytiemz and have fun wit’ women. Anyway, to show the Emperor that he was more powerful, Zhao Gao did this. He brought a deer into the court and presented it to the new Emperor, sayin’ that it was a horse.
But the Second Emperor was all, “Um, Zhao Gao? This is a deer.”
“Nope, it’s a horse.”
“Prime Minister, this is kinda funny, but come off it, dude. It’s a deer.”
“Well, it’s really great horse. Just sayin’. Everybody in court can see that.”
But it was a deer, and everybody saw that it was a deer, but they had to say it was a horse. Those who said that it was a horse were like, promoted, and those who didn’t suffered.
Since the Second Emperor was busy havin’ fun, the peeps got totally angry wit’ him and started rebellions. Liu Bang and Xiang Yu were the ones tryna make a grab for the throne, but that’s for another post. Zhao Gao knew this, and he didn’t tell the Emperor, and took leave from work, sayin’ that he was ill.
Finally, when the rebellion reached the palace, the Emperor told Zhao Gao to stop it, but Zhao Gao kinda sucked at battle and he lost. A lot. Zhao also thought that it’d be a pretty good idea to blame all his losses on the Second Emperor, kill him and then take the throne.
Zhao formed a club wit’ his younger bro, Zhao Cheng, and brother-in-law Yan Le to help him out. Yan Le would mess shit up by invadin’ the palace, and Zhao Cheng would mess shit up within’ the palace. Zhao Gao also held Yan Le’s wife hostage so that Yan Le would not back out.
And you thought he couldn’t be any douchier. (Man. Is there like, even such a word?)
Yan Le fought his way into the palace thanks to insider info, and entered the Second Emperor’s chamber. Everybody fleed.
The Second Emperor was all, “Dude, why did you not tell me that Zhao Gao was plottin’ to kill me?” to this eunuch.
But the eunuch was all, “Dude, if I had told you, I would have been executed!”
Anyway, Yan Le was all, “Second Emperor! You suck! You must totally kill yourself now.”
“Ok ok, I get it! I’ll be like prefectural governor.”
“No, you don’t get it!” and pointed his sword at the Emperor.
“Leave my wife and kids alone, man! Spare me!”
“Oh man. Do you like, not get it? You have to die! Like, now!”
The Second Emperor realized that, and took a sword and killed himself. When Zhao Gao heard, he was all like, “YAY!” and went to take the imperial seal, which pretty much showed everybody that he totes wanted to be Emperor. But he tried to pretend he didn’t want it and told everybody in court, “Oh you know, I think Zi Ying, the grandson of the First Emperor, should rule. Um, k.”
But Zi Ying was pretty smart and he knew that Zhao Gao would eventually sezie the throne. So he called upon his trusted aides and hatched a plan.
On the day Zi Ying was supposed to be crowned Emperor, he was supposed to go to the ancestral temple to accept the seal, but he was like, “I don’t wanna. I’m kinda sick.” Errbody who tried to ask him to come out failed, so Zhao Gao had to go. Once he entered Zi Ying’s room, he was all, “Okay, seriously. We have to go crown you Emper-“
It was too late. Zi Ying’s helpers jumped out of him and killed him, so that was the end of this treacherous dude.
Errbody was like, “Fuck yeah, Zhao Gao is dead!” But the rebels were still messin’ shit up. In 207 BC, Zi Ying gave the imperial seal to Liu Bang, with a rope round his neck. He had been Emperor for 46 days. Liu Bang founded the Han dynasty, but that’s for another post.