#huiusmodi

[watchinitburn-blog]

So Keahi hears that it is National Pet day... And on such a day.. She figured getting her puppy some nice new toys would be some fun.

Sitting across from his apartment, she rolled some tennis balls into the door, letting them make that annoying thudding sound. “Come here Puppy..”

[boundxgossamer-blog]

It had been eerily quiet. Hadyn and Tsukasa had been, for the most part, ignoring each other and unable to make direct eye contact. Very few exchanges were given, and only when necessary. For the first little while, Tsukasa hadn’t moved. He had stayed in one spot, completely still, for nearly a day until he had passed out from exhaustion.  It wasn’t on purpose, either, but seeing Hadyn’s hurt expressions and side-eyed glances of concern had finally set Tsukasa off. He had to leave, but didn’t want to go very far. But who was there for him besides Hadyn? 

Then he remembered-- that counselor, or whatever, that lived on the fourth floor. Tsukasa would get away long enough to speak to Harper in hopes that...something would happen. He can’t do this any longer. Hadyn’s words rang true, once Tsukasa had the mind to remember them. Even though they might be ‘fighting,’ Tsukasa still loves him and still wants to get better. He does not want to let Hadyn down. The limping to the fourth floor didn’t take long, but it seemed to drag. Tsukasa now stands in front of Harper’s apartment door, hesitating with his hand poised to knock, but he’s here anyway. He hit his knuckles against the door, and waited. 

“...C-can I speak to you...?” 

@huiusmodi

[hughsofblackxwhite-blog]

Harper warned him about spring, and all the implications that it shouldered. Hugh shrugged it off, for the most part, thinking it to be not that big of a deal. 

He’s so sorely mistaken. Achingly mistaken. Throbbing with mistakes, in fact.

“Harper! Harper! What do I do!? I can’t stop!” 

The pillow between Hugh’s legs has stuffing falling out of it from all the abuse it has taken. 

[hughsofblackxwhite-blog]

Now that Hugh knows what to expect, it doesn’t hurt so bad. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell. It all feels different, though, in a way that Hugh can’t place. It’s like the moon’s ‘pull’ or whatever has shifted and it’s now vibrating on a different frequency.  “Hey, Harper, is there anything different about today...? You feel it too, don’t you?” 

[hughsofblackxwhite-blog]

The days leading up to today were relatively uneventful, lazy and almost boring. Regarding that, it did nothing to stave off the uneasiness Hugh felt growing in the pit of his stomach. Harper seemed to have sensed it, too, and it only put Hugh further on edge. He didn’t want Harper to coddle him, or work himself up over him--meanwhile, the thought creeps up that this might be something Harper can’t help him with, try as he might--and Harper most certainly would try, even if it hurts him. 

Admittedly, the thought frightens Hugh; it terrifies him. It’s only the second full moon, and there are still a myriad of things that he still doesn’t understand. 

Hugh knows he should discuss it with Harper. Harper left that door open. He would understand better than anyone. He’s proven his trustworthiness and resourcefulness and compassion as a life-mate. Hugh shouldn’t try to fight this on his own--but shouldn’t Harper let Hugh figure things out on his own for once? 

It’s not that Hugh can’t trust Harper--he does, with his whole heart--it’s that Hugh can’t trust himself. This transformation, in every sense of the word, has left Hugh into feeling as if he can’t have faith in his own damn self--that he is forced to look to someone else for answers, that his own self-reliance has faded. 

Hugh doesn’t want to feel helpless anymore. He needs to prove that he is still in control. That is how he can combat his fear, by not allowing this weakness take over.

The thoughts had been turning over in his mind for the last several days; simmering and heated and ready to boil over--no, he needs a clear head to put his plan into action. If Hugh acts on impulse (he admits, this act by itself is impulsive enough) then he can expect a very upset and distraught Harper. Hugh doesn’t want to hurt him, that’s for certain. He has to at least let Harper know what he is doing, to let him know he will be okay, that everything will be okay. 

He hopes. 

Hugh tried a few times to say it to Harper, face to face, but couldn’t work up the courage--a disturbing realization that, he, Hugh, can’t bring himself to be his usual open and honest self--and over something so important. What is wrong with him?

In resignation, and a last-ditch effort now that the day is here, Hugh scrawls out a note to leave on the bedside for Harper when he awakens. 

Harper-- I’m okay. Going out for tonight. Somewhere secluded.  Don’t look for me. Don’t worry. I’ll see you in the morning.  I love you. --Hugh

Frowning, Hugh reads the note over. He had written it hastily and hopes that Harper can at least read it--does it come across as too curt? Hugh thinks about re-writing it, but Harper stirring in his sleep causes him to panic. He needs to leave and he needs to do it now before the opportunity escapes him. 

Folding the note and leaving it on the table, Hugh wastes no time in making his way out the door, out into the wilderness. As his feet sink into the snow, he is already riddled with regret. The fear clings to him more now that he’s alone, now that Harper is going to wake up confused and possibly hurt. He wants to turn back--he wants to return to Harper, right where he ought to be--he knows they can face this together. Hugh shivers. It’s only cold because Harper isn’t here--when did he become so  needy?

This is what Hugh wants. Isn’t it? It’s too late to turn back, he tells himself. He can’t will his feet to stop. Hugh keeps pushing himself forward until the trees tower overhead and the sounds of the city hang in the air far behind him. All that’s left for him to do is swallow his anxiety, swallow these weak emotions, and hide out until tomorrow. 

Finally, alone with his thoughts and the silence of snow fall as his company, he realizes what the note really should have said. 

I’m sorry, Harper.

[hughsofblackxwhite-blog]

“H-Harper?! What...? I mean...you look great, but...

How?!”