#human handbook

[humansarespaceorcsforeal]

Acclimatizing

Human Handbook Chapter 1 Section 1: Human Habitat It’s impossible to please every member of your crew, especially if you’ve been assigned humans. It has come to our attention that while humans will complain about any temperature that differs from their home climate, they can adapt to almost any environment. Outerwear will change to reflect the set temperature, but even rapid adjustments to climates will be adjusted to just as rapidly. Unlike the Insectus or Reptilius species, Humans are able to inhabit worlds with drastic temperature and weather shifts. Expect excessive complaints from the human crew. To quell any dissatisfaction, address the matter seriously. At the first sign that their half-hearted grievances may lead to a change that negatively impacts the rest of the crew, they will protest any such change most vehemently.

[mechstingray-blog]

First contact war of wrath

Imagine an alternate halo type first contact with aliens where the just start slaughtering us and we get desperate and just flick the kill switch and dump morals like all out no Geneva conventions we put order 66 on steroids use bio weapons nukes depleted uraianam bullets chemical round napalm taking hostages torture everything and just scare the shot out of the entire universe.

[grimdarkclown]

Humans are Space Orcs

My first entree into the Humans are space ors tag, enjoy!

So Humans have always been a weird species, Xenther had known the Human Jacob on the ship for a few months down and had takin’ it well. The strange diet of meats, the sleeping nearly comatose, the taming of stupidly dangerous pets, even the shedding they did whenever they got hurt.

Jacob: “HEY XENTHER, I REMEMBERED ANOTHER WEIRD HUMAN THING TO SHOW YOU!

And was the resident human now, hopefully this one wouldn’t beas bad as the red blood incident.

Xenther: “Human Jacob, I truly hope this one won’t-AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!! YOUR EYES! SOMEONE PEELED YOUR EYES! MEDBAY! MEDIC!”

As Xenther turned around xe saw Human Jacob’s eyelids flipped up and his eyes rolled back showing only the whites.

Jacob: “Chill dude, human eyes can do this.” His eyes rolled back and he flipped his eyelids down “See.”

Xenther calmed xer breathing as Human Jacob returned his eyes to normal.

Xenther: “Don’t ever do that again!” He weezed, knowing what had to be done with dread... He had to update the Human Handbook.

[your-favorite-disaster-bi]

Humans are weird - Fires

So I’ve been reading the “humans are space orcs” posts, and I’ve been thinking, what would they think of fires.

I have a fire going inside right now, and I stuck my hands in it just to make it bigger with another piece of wood.

And now, I have to write this one.

-=+=-

Watching the humans have always been strange. They pay no attention to some things, such as actual bleeding, but are brought to their knees cussing at what they call a “stubbed toe”

“Hey, you guys got a fire place on this tin can?” Human-Chris asks, strolling in.

“A... a fire place? I do not understand. I thought fires were for in the wild to, cook food, as you say?” I look down at Human-Chris as he makes that noise they call “laughter”

“Well yes, but we also light fires inside-“

“What?” I gasp, horrified, “inside. You set things on fire inside?!”

“Yeah, it looks pretty and feels warm,” Human-Chris pulls his lips back to reveal his teeth, apparently showing pleasure, “and we keep it under control. That spot there will do just fine. Do you have any wood logs and paper?”

So humans light things on fire for aesthetic purposes and for pleasure. I’ll have to add that to the Human Handbook.

[bumble-booty]

Reflex Actions

If this hasn't been done yet I'm shocked.

What about muscle memory actions? Things we do every day, but if we have to change our schedule, we're guaranteed to mess up somehow.

For example: I just locked myself out of the car. Thankfully the window was cracked enough for another helpful person to do the string trick, but still. (The car I usually drive has a remote unlock, so I usually leave the keys in my glovebox and lock the car with the door. The second I heard the click I just sighed.)

Human Trev seemed frustrated today. He was sitting in the ingestion area with his head in his hands, talking to several other humans. Wlangth crawled closer, waiting until one of the humans flashed the teeth approval before joining in the group.

"-nd then i put the damn keys in the lockbox and closed it. Right in front of jlathar. Who was waiting for the keys. I seriously don't know why I keep doing this shit today, I was talking to him about his shift and I still did it!"

Human Alex patted Human Trev's shoulder as she began to laugh, shaking her head in understanding. “It’s okay. My parents got to the point they taped a key to the wheel well of my first car cause I would lock myself out so much!”

Wlangth adjusted his upper body to the right, trying to mimic the 'head tilt' humans accept as an inquiry. “if you know you require the items, why do you forget them?” Human Trev shrugged, dropping his head onto the table. “From what I know, it's because humans get into habits. We get used to putting the keys in the lockbox, and it’s muscle memory to put them in. When we have to break that habit, our bodies don’t always cooperate.”

Wlangth gave the humans a surprised look, fear slowly overtaking his features. “Human Muscles have memories?” Human Alex paused before sighing. “Not like our brain's memory. It’s like…” All of the humans shared a glance, before shrugging. Human Trev continued. “I dunno how to explain it. We'll have to ask a medic. But it’s just a thing humans do.”

Wlangth blinked his eyes in succession, drawing himself up into a proper stance. “I will make it a point to ask in the future.” Excusing themselves from the conversation, he quickly escaped the ingestion area. How horrifying it must be to not fully understand one's own body!

[murconstellation]

Your Human handbook

So I've been seeing this all over the tags of #humans-are-space-orcs and the fact that most of the stories include a human handbook is awesome.

Imagine this handbook developing specifically to each crew. Each crew of mixed species always has different rules that apply to their humans. When each crew got the universal handbook for their human, they all thought it was gonna be smooth sailing from here on out.

Only the human handbook doesn't explain shit about their human member(s). The captian, first officer, and chief medical officer continously putting in new audio logs of rules and discoveries into this handbook so that everything still applies. But the list keeps growing.

As in every crew practically has written a series of sequels to this supposed 'Universal Human Handbook' just based off their one human crewmate.

[imrickgrimesbeeyatch]

Human Handbooks

So lets assume that every human has their own handbook. Like the front page is identical to all handbooks but on the inside flap it has a place for a humans picture and their name. Its filled with general guidelines that go along with every human. But each human is different and the last few pages are blank for the crew to add their own observations on their human.

Just imagine if a human got a transfer, or he needed to travel with different aliens for a peace mission or something. The captain would give the other captain the handbook for the human. The captain hurriedly reads the back pages to make sure they have nothing to offend the new human, or to make sure they have plenty of what the human likes. Or to see what to avoid or to note any unusual habits, or if the human has any incidents with bringing stray animals on board the ship and they need to be extra cautious when they send him out scouting.

*im sorry that i use the pronoun 'him' for everything. I use it like the "royal we" im a female, its just a habit, i usually write and my characters are mostly male. Also feel free to add to this!!

[mechstingray-blog]

2 space orcs with one post

What if aliens are Ageless and never die of old age becuse there were very few or no predators on there planets there was never a need for the rapid evolution based on survival of the fittest there were still compotion that caused evolution but it was based on fighting for space and resources with out predation in the mix so the was no need to have the creatures die of old age if the would only rarely die because of this tho they are physically weak so we are these ustopable behemoths that seem immortal but are constantly felled by old age a thing that is never a problem for them in addition they might also breed really slow so we might be unstoppable rabbits of destruction to the because dispite being so fit we die young and multiply fast

Feel free to take and run with this idea and run with it im A bad writer but would love to see this idea more fleshed out