Becoming We
Hummel Holidays prompt 15 - traditions
Pairing- Kadam.
Summery: Kurt wants this relationship to last.
Adam considered laughing when Kurt sat him down in September for the first annual “Hummel and Crawford” relationship maintenance and planning meeting.
Until Kurt spoke about it, then Adam smiled and kissed him on the top of his head and asked when Kurt would like to have it. How could he have any other reaction after “I think I love you and I want this to last a long time and one of the most dangerous things about relationships is navigating expectations, especially around holidays. I need this, Adam. I need to know what is important to you and you should know what is important to me. I don’t want to mess up.”
Kurt chose a Sunday Morning over a huge meal. Kurt had spent the night and got up early and when Adam got out the table was covered with food…and notebooks and calendars and pencils and boxes of tissues.
“I guess mostly we need to talk about holidays and traditions,” Kurt started out. “I mean, if we ever moved in together, we’d have to have one to set household rules. So maybe we should have relationship house rule rules?”
“Like what?”
“Hmm…well, at home they were things like ‘if you break it you replace it or at least tell someone about it and work it off’ and ‘chores done before 10pm, unless a reason is already noted on the calendar or you don’t get paid’. Not sassing too much and no name calling too much and don’t throw things at each other and no pushing, hitting, kicking, shoving or biting. We didn’t start with no biting but Finn bit me when I told him Rachel was a banshee and not allowed to haunt near my room because he couldn’t kick me anymore. I bit him back. I left deeper marks. Curfews and things like that.”
“I thought you became family when you were already 17?” Adam asked.
“We were seniors when that happened.” Kurt replied. “I can’t explain it. Finn made me revert back to being three…maybe even two. Don’t relationships need rules?”
“Well, maybe we could set some….like, If you are running late you should call and tell the other that you are if it will be over 15 minutes.” Adam said. “That way I wouldn’t worry you and you wouldn’t worry me.”
Kurt smiled and relaxed a little in his seat. “And we should decide how to do clean up for dinner. I mean, I feel bad not helping.”
“How about the cook does dishes but the guest can set and clear the table?” Adam said.
Kurt beamed.
“Do we need more of those yet?” Kurt asked.
“If we realize we do, we can remember to talk to each other and make a list.” Adam said.
Kurt beamed.
“I guess that brings us to Holidays. What do you celebrate and what has to be done?”
“What do you mean?” Adam asked.
“What would you like to do for Valentine’s Day?” Kurt asked.
“Spend some of it with the one I love.” Adam said.
“What type of gift do you need? Chocolates? Flowers? And outfit? Dinner out someplace where meals cost more than 50 bucks and need reservations months in advance? Jewelry?” Kurt asked.
“None of that is needed. Maybe a card would be nice, that I could look at over and over again.” Adam said.
“A card?” Kurt asked.
“I wouldn’t say no to chocolates.” Adam chuckled. “Kurt, close your eyes and tell me YOUR perfect Valentine’s Day.”
“Breakfast with someone I love and who loves me. We have strawberry or cherry and whipped cream filled crepes. We exchange cards. My dad always gave me a small box of Chocolates at breakfast, and when I got old enough I gave him one, too…so an exchange of a box of chocolates picked out just for the one I love. We spend the day texting each other little notes or messages. We spend the evening together, or as much as we can if someone has to work. Dinner would be nice, movies are too crowded.”
“Dinner out at someplace expensive?” Adam asked.
Kurt hummed. “It doesn’t matter.” He said quietly. “I just want to be with who I love.”
“Open your eyes, love.” Adam said. He smiled at Kurt when Kurt looked his way. “None of the rest is important. Time with my loved one is. Could that time be a fancy dinner and dancing? Might be, but not having that won’t break my relationship. Might also be a pub and karaoke, or the Lover’s Charity ball, or dinner at home by candlelight at midnight because my love worked a late shift. If my love can’t afford lavish gifts, I don’t expect anything lavish. I would like a bit of warning for lavish gift giving…as I know you would…as neither of us like getting if we don’t have a gift to give in return.”
Kurt smiled. He had tossed a bit of a fit when Adam bought him the steampunk top hat he’d been looking at but hadn’t saved up enough to buy the month before. Adam just shrugged it off and told Kurt he wanted Kurt to have it but he knew the boutique they’d seen it at sold limited pieces and often things didn’t stay long.
“New Year’s Eve?” Kurt asked.
“I’ll go with you to Time’s Square ONCE, if you feel some bizarre need to do so.” Adam said.
“If I wanted to stay home and watch the ball drop on TV?” Kurt asked.
“I’m good with that.” Adam said.
“Host a party where we play card games and board games and sing all night long until the sun rises?” Kurt asked.
“That sounds fun.”
“Even if we didn’t have any alcohol?”
“Have I struck you yet as a big drinker?” Adam asked.
Kurt smiled. “No. You generally get one beer or two when we are out, but only if it’s good beer. I’ve seen you have a cup of wine here or there. We had those daiquiris at that one bar.”
“I don’t care one way or the other, but if we have alcohol we’ll switch to non-alcohol as soon as the ball drops and everyone will stay for another several hours, if not all night.”
Kurt beamed. “Ok, St. Patrick’s Day?”
“I’m not Irish. I can take it or leave it.”
“Easter?”
“Ehh…we need peeps and chocolate covered marshmallow eggs. Blame the Apples for those. The rest…Easter was a Religious holiday in my family and I’m not religious right now.”
“If I wanted an egg hunt and Easter basket?” Kurt said.
“I’d make you an egg hunt and Easter basket. We can also do a Grand Easter Dinner if you’d like, but you’d have to tell me what YOU eat at one.”
Kurt shrugged. “Really, the only thing that was a must was deviled eggs made from the eggs we had dyed.”
Adam smiled. “We can dye eggs and you can make me your best deviled eggs for Easter.”
“Birthdays?” Kurt asked.
“Whatever we want to do.” Adam said. “I do love birthday gifts though. My favorite was you asking me to coffee.”
Kurt laughed. ”Seriously, though, what type of things do you like for your birthday?”
“One year we went to a show in London. One year my mum bought me a new suit. Once I got a new bike. I’ve received books or clothes or movies. There isn’t a set recipe for Birthday gift giving. Unless it’s an American thing I’m missing.”
Kurt sighed. “I have a feeling I just know too many people with extreme expectations.”
“To quickly cover it, there isn’t really anything from home I celebrate here, although last year I did find a bonfire to attend in November for Guy Fawke’s night. Also…I’ll go along with whatever is important to you for your American Holidays. Just tell me when and where to be and what is needed.”
Kurt laughed. “I might just stick you with the Turkey with that attitude.”
“Bring it on, love.” Adam said. “I’ve never made one yet, but I could certainly try.”
Kurt nodded. “I guess that leaves Halloween and Christmas time.”
“I appreciate a good Halloween party. I’m a theater lover, darling, we live for dressing up. As for Christmas, my mum had a rule of gift giving we all followed. A game or toy, something we needed and something we’d wanted really bad, something to watch, two new books…one that was fiction and one that wasn’t, and clothing. Always socks, underclothing, and a knitted jumper. Father Christmas brought new outerwear, sweets and coins, and something for hobbies. Often he also brought new outdoor items, like a sled or skates…or tickets to a museum or something that we could do over the holiday. For us kids, we had to give each other gifts. Right now we have to spend more than 15 but less than 100. On Boxing day we went to my grandmother’s and had a huge family party there where we exchanged gifts…small things like puzzles or comics or marbles or such…Aunt Emily’s family always got each person a cookie tin and filled it. My father’s family gathered for twelfth night and we exchanged gifts then…there it is was always hobby related. Neither of those days are big here. I send my mum a box to take to each gathering.”
“What about Christmas Eve?” Kurt asked.
“We hung stockings and went to bed. Father Christmas prefers mince pies and mulled wine. Currently, I wake up, open my box from my mum which has Father Christmas gifts and a stuffed stocking, eat breakfast, and open anything from other people. Then I do whatever for the rest of the day. How about you?”
“I did an Advent Calendar…we actually did about three. I had one for activities so things would get done. I started that when I was nine. My mom made one when her and my dad got married. It hung on the wall and you put little things on it each day. Then I had a treat one. Most years my dad would fill it, some years I filled it myself…like last year and senior year. I lit advent candles. Dad did them when he was little, but not when he got bigger. My mum didn’t do them growing up as they were too tied with religion. When they got married they started the candles up again. She used the themes…love, hope, peace, joy…but not the religious aspects of it. On the love week we focused on finding love and spreading love in our lives, on peace week we focused on finding peace and balance, on joy we focused on sharing and finding joy, on hope we focused on goals and looking to the future. I still do that, but only by myself and not where anyone can see me. We also burned Christmas smelling candles all month long...and had a candle in the window. We did a solstice thing. I bake all month long. I go see the Nutcracker…doesn’t matter where. I’ve been to some spectacular small company shows. We listened to Christmas music all the time and watch Christmas shows…there is a list. We opened a gift Christmas Eve…pajamas and a book. The rest we opened Christmas day, Santa left a full stocking and presents…but Santa didn’t leave big things. My dad shops much like your mom, but probably a bit less. Dad was big on experiences. He left a lot of family things under the tree, things we could do together. He always gave a ‘memory’ gift. The day after Christmas we always went shopping. I get one or two memory ornaments each year; we had the tree in the living room and a memory tree. When my mom was alive we just had the one tree, but it made Dad sad, so we had two for a long time. After he married Carole that all changed. Everything changed. Because we did it all wrong.”
“Wrong?” Adam asked.
“Yeah, because it was just me and my dad for so long, so we got everything wrong about Christmas and even Thanksgiving.” Kurt said.
“Wrong according to who?”
“Carole and Finn, Rachel, Quinn and Blaine and Santana.” Kurt said.
“I don’t understand. How can you get it wrong?” Adam asked. “And isn’t Rachel Jewish?”
“Well, if you have multiple trees they all have to be properly themed and coordinated. You must have only baking days…you cannot bake all month. If you bake all the time it is not special and therefore can’t be holiday baking. Advent calendars cheapen the holiday, as do anything else like that. Candles are either pretentious or just for poor people…I’m not sure which one. Christmas Music will get too old too quickly if listened to in the house, so must be reserved for in the car. Solstice is only for devil worshipers…”
Adam snorted and Kurt stopped and looked at him.
“I’m sorry but just because your traditions were different didn’t mean yours were wrong. I know you realize this in your head…you said you still do several of them. So how did you end up managing?”
“We did things Carole and Finn’s way or not at all.” Kurt said. “In the loft we did things Rachel and Santana’s way or not at all…mostly Rachel’s way.”
“Tell me about it more.”
Kurt sighed. “Christmas to Finn and Rachel was about what they got. They wanted big things and lots of them. Newest, biggest, best. Finn told his mom what he wanted and he expected it under the tree. Rachel gave people lists and she was to have received it all. Santa brought big things…like TVs and such. To Finn. Carole let Finn open whatever he wanted that was under the tree from Christmas Eve day on…if he got bored. Even things not to him were fair game because things under the tree were supposed to just be to Finn, as it had been that way since he was little and he couldn’t be expected to look at tags when excited. Rachel was the same way. Everything under a tree where Rachel lived was obviously to her. The trees had to be themed and everything on them had to ‘go together’. Carole bought new stuff every year and gave what she had used to her Aunt to do with whatever she liked. There were to be colored balls and lights and maybe a few other things but not much, except that first year when she decided since she had Dad who could afford it she could do her dream of purple and pink Victorian. That involved lots of lace and fake roses and satin cones filled with treats and dolls and shoes and old fashioned hat boxes and tassels and puffs and it was horrid. She also spent like 800 bucks on it and then went and tossed half it out. I was allowed to bake just five days in December. Finn could not see the advent stuff at all…and dad could not put it together for me, it wouldn’t be fair to Finn.”
Adam moved over to Kurt and pulled him up and off the chair and then sat down and pulled Kurt into his lap.
“I want a relationship that is even, darling. I don’t want you to do everything MY way and I will not do everything just YOUR way. We will find OUR way and do it together. Sometimes OUR way might be doing things your way, because it works best. Sometimes we might do things my way, because it works best. But we will figure it out together and it will be what is best for us.”
“Even my night time ritual?” Kurt asked.
“When I stay over do you do your nighttime ritual the same as when I don’t and do you regret it if you change it?”
Kurt leaned his head on Adam’s shoulder. “I do everything I normally do, but I do it with you there with me talking to me and I talk to you. It is a great sharing time.”
“So…we do it OUR way…a way that works for both of us.” Adam said.
“I’m being silly about this aren’t I?” Kurt asked.
“No. I don’t think so. You had a relationship start up and because of that had to give up traditions and listen to how wrong you had been about them. To me it sounded like many you were told off about had been things you shared with your mom. That hurt and left scars, even if you got over the initial hurt.”
“And then there was Blaine.” Kurt said.
Adam hugged him tight. “Yeah, and you haven’t even talked about that.”
“He never got me anything. I never got a Christmas gift from him…or graduation gift or birthday gift or Valentine’s gift. However, I always had to buy him gifts and give them to him. If I didn’t get the right thing or give it at the right time or with the right amount of flair…it was an issue.”
“It was all about him, then. Not surprising…everything always was.” Adam said. “I want us to be about US…both of us. We’ll work traditions out as we go. They will change as our circumstances change. We will make it a mash-up of epic awesomeness, though. Especially doing it together. Now, tell me more about your advent treats…”
Kurt launched into descriptions of different ways he’d done his advent treat calendar and his activity calendar as Adam held him. Adam made note on Kurt’s papers and thought about all the ways he could bring some of the traditions Kurt had not been able to enjoy back into Kurt’s life…and what to introduce him to from his traditions. He was looking forward to mending some old wounds.
