Kurtbastian one-shot - "You Do, I Don't" (Rated PG)
Summary:
Kurt is acting strange, and Sebastian is worried. After checking his location using Google, Sebastian finds his fiancé in the oddest place - at a church, watching an old friend tie the knot. (2006 words)
Read on AO3.
"Christ on a motorbike! A wedding can really destroy a Saturday afternoon, huh?"
Kurt takes a deep breath, holds it for a slow five count, then sighs.
Fifteen minutes.
That's a new record.
But Kurt had known from the moment his sneakers hit the concrete that it was only a matter of time before Sebastian found him out. He'll never admit it, but it's comforting to know the man he loves checks up on him from time to time. Still, Kurt should be upset on principle.
Honestly, he's more embarrassed.
"I thought we promised not to abuse the power of location sharing," Kurt replies.
"A-ha. And I thought you were going to Whole Foods to buy a jar of tahini."
Kurt doesn't waste words addressing his nosy fiance's accusation. He simply raises his left hand, clutching the handles of his Whole Foods reusable tote with a jar of tahini weighing down one corner.
Sebastian nods. "Fair enough. But, I don't see it as abuse," he continues, seeing no reason to lower his voice while the couple at the altar recite their vows, even when he receives several sharp looks from onlookers nearby. "More like dubious consent."
"Sounds about right," Kurt grumbles.
Sebastian reclines in the stiff wooden pew, trying to find ease in an uncomfortable situation. He's not sure exactly what's going on, not sure why his staunchly anti-religion fiance would be in a church of all places, watching the man he called his soulmate back in high school marry someone else.
It's the expression on Kurt's face that has Sebastian concerned.
It started at the dining room table while they ate their eggs and drank their coffee, then grew and grew until Kurt rose to his feet, breakfast unfinished, and left their penthouse, tossing over his shoulder his intent to run some bogus errand.
Minus that expression, Sebastian had no reason to worry.
Kurt often springs off spontaneously to go shopping or meet up with friends. That expression was the only reason Sebastian decided to peek at Kurt's location on Google in the first place.
Kurt had looked like his entire world was ending.
"So," Sebastian asks, trying to maintain an air of calm in the face of whatever this is, "what are we doing here?"
"I like torturing myself."
Sebastian blows out his frustration in a single breath. It's going to be one of those conversations, the kind where pulling Kurt's teeth from his skull using chopsticks would be an easier task by a mile. "You know, when we started dating, I told you that if you wanted to go back to Captain Gel Helmet, the door was always open."
"You did."
"Tell you the truth, I didn't think you'd take me up on it." Sebastian rocks his weight from hip to hip when his tailbone goes numb. Dammit, but it's hard to look breezily nonplussed in a church pew. "Especially not on his wedding day of all days."
Kurt side-eyes his fiance's position change and slides back in his seat as well - not ready to be touched, but needing a bit more closeness to the man he loves. "That's not what this is about, okay?"
Sebastian clues into Kurt's body language and hooks his arm behind him, caressing the air around his shoulders. "Then what is it about?"
"You're going to think it's stupid."
"Probably."
"You're going to make fun of me."
Sebastian tilts his head Kurt's way and catches his eyes. Something is bothering him about all of this, but it isn't the obvious. If it isn't Blaine getting married, what on earth could it be? "I won't. I promise."
"Really?" Kurt smiles a hair.
"Pinky promise," Sebastian says. "I'll just...judge you silently in my head. But I won't say a word."
Kurt rolls his eyes, but he continues against his better judgment. "When we were in high school, Blaine and I, we...we planned our wedding."
"Well, everyone knew that," Sebastian kids and Kurt's hidden smile makes another brief appearance.
"We had a book of ideas. It was like the ultimate scrapbook, years in the making. There were venues for different seasons, anniversary options, coordinating honeymoon locales. When we broke up and moved out of the loft, our belongings were scattered everywhere in the mad dash to move. A few things got misplaced. I never saw that book again. Part of me thought that maybe Blaine tossed it. But a few months ago, I heard through the grapevine..."
Sebastian snickers. "Grapevine?"
Kurt snickers, too, despite himself, and now they're both getting looks. Yeah, his attempts at cloak-and-dagger are a bit ridiculous, but he tries to be mysterious when he can.
Make Sebastian believe that Kurt has a life outside of him.
"Santana, alright? She stopped by Vogue for lunch a few months ago and said she saw him with it."
Sebastian raises an eyebrow. "Where? I can't imagine the two of them run in the same circles anymore."
"They don't." Kurt relaxes, leans back the remaining two feet, and meets the comfort of his fiance's arm. "Santana and Brittany were checking out a restaurant for their reception. Blaine happened to be there at the same time."
"Ah. So you wanted to know if he used any of your ideas?"
Kurt chews his bottom lip. "Maybe..."
"Would it matter if he did?"
"No," Kurt says quickly, but Sebastian knows that's a lie. He remembers how bent out of shape Kurt got when he thought Rachel had swiped his design for a Thanksgiving centerpiece. Factions arose. Wars nearly broke out.
"Yes...no..."
"Yes."
"Yes!" Kurt says it louder than he means to, and now they are actively getting shushed. "Those were our ideas! Together! That book represented our wedding! It represented part of me! What I brought to our relationship! How I wanted to express my love for him!"
"And...did he?"
Kurt doesn't answer. But he doesn't need to. His heavy swallow and watery eyes are the yes Sebastian expected.
"So Blaine absorbed something important and irreplaceable to you and repurposed it to elevate himself."
"I guess you can put it that way."
"Sounds like him," Sebastian says with a frustrated sigh and a shake of his head. "Now you know. If there was any doubt at all that he is an irrepressible douche canoe, you got your answer. Along with the knowledge that you ended up with the cleaner, better-looking end of the stick."
Kurt's brow wrinkles. "How?"
"Because you're engaged to me, you dry rye toast."
Kurt snorts. "That's a new one. No vulgarity?"
"We are in a church."
"That's the weirdest thing you have ever said to me.
Sebastian gives Kurt a look. "Are you sure about that?"
"No. But I don't have the bandwidth at the moment to care otherwise."
Sebastian gives Kurt a reassuring squeeze. "Do you feel any better?"
Kurt's shoulders slump. "No. Sorry. I'm pissed. Blaine gets away Scot-free, as always, and he doesn't know that I know what he did, the intellectual thievery that he wrought. And he's going to go off with his husband on a fabulous honeymoon that I probably planned, with no worries, no doubts, no thorns stuck in either of their sides. Just wedded bliss and not a care in the world."
"Yeah. That does suck," Sebastian breathes, eyes shifting from Kurt's face to the main aisle of the church, up to the altar where a man who might be a priest or a dance teacher declares Blaine and his beau 'husband and husband'. Sebastian stares at them a little too long without a snappy, sarcastic remark, and now it's Kurt's turn to find Sebastian's expression worrying. Because Kurt has seen that look before.
Sebastian isn't staring.
He's planning.
The guests rise without any further peeps from Sebastian. Kurt sighs, relieved. They'll be able to slip out unnoticed, and Kurt can forget that any of this ever happened. He shouldn't have come here. It's ridiculous to be upset over the color of a suit (Serenity, which was Pantone's Color of the Year in 2016 and would have had to have been specially ordered), a spray of baby's breath (specifically Million Stars baby's breath, each cluster of flowers hand painted in ombre water color and speckled with biodegradable glitter), and some tulle (pastel sienna silk tulle that Blaine could have only gotten his hands on in this city during Fashion Week by dropping Kurt's name).
See? Ridiculous.
The organ - a constant low hum during these proceedings, playing The Beatles Blackbird in the background (yet another of Kurt's ideas) - swells, and the wedding party starts their procession down the aisle. Kurt turns, hoping to quickly exit out the side before anyone notices them, assuming Sebastian won't be far behind.
But Sebastian has other ideas.
He grabs Kurt's arm and starts pulling him towards the aisle before Blaine and his husband reach them.
"Sebastian? Wha--...what are you doing?" Kurt asks, afraid he might already know.
"Oh...nothing. We're just going to wish the newly married couple well."
Kurt's eyebrows fly up so far they nearly leave his face. "What? Why would we do that?"
"It's only polite for them to know we dropped by to celebrate their blessed union. Don't you think?"
"We can send them a card!" Kurt counters, fighting to tug his arm out of his fiance's grasp. But Sebastian has a hold of Kurt's cuff, and Kurt is going to kick himself if he pops seams over this.
"Meh. A card is so temporary."
"We can add a check!"
"Kurt! We're Blaine's oldest friends in the universe! We're going to give him and his shiny new hubby something to think about on their way to Bora Bora."
Kurt's blood runs cold. "Sebastian? What are you going to do? Sebastian? Sebastian?? Sebastian!" Kurt's voice echoes as Sebastian launches them into the aisle, directly in the path of the happy duo.
After that, everything goes silent with epic speed.
Blaine stops in his tracks. He stares at Sebastian as if he's seeing a ghost, leaning forward to get a better look. His expression seems stuck between a grin and confusion, his complexion oddly pale. "Sebastian? What are you...what are you doing here?"
"That's Sebastian?" Blaine's new husband seethes. Kurt wonders what Blaine has told the man to garner that reaction, and why it doesn't seem to extend to Kurt standing behind Sebastian, clearly visible.
Everyone gathered is stuck-on-stupid, shocked by this turn of events, except for Sebastian, who was apparently waiting for this moment.
"Blaine." Sebastian sighs for dramatic emphasis. "I apologize for the interruption, but..." He steals a look around, soaking in the faces of the audience he has captivated.
"But...but what?" Blaine asks.
"Yeah. But what?" his husband snaps.
"I wanted you to know that..." Sebastian gulps audibly. "I love you."
Another loud gasp rounds the room, people pressing forward for a better view.
"I still love you. After all this time."
Blaine's face goes completely white.
Kurt's jaw drops. Not because he thinks Sebastian is honestly declaring secret love for the man, but still...what the heck!?
"Wh-what? What are you...?" Blaine stammers as his husband steps in front of him, preparing to fight Sebastian for the rights to Blaine.
"It's not too late for us. There's still a chance." Sebastian puts a hand to his chest, over his heart, as if he's trying to hold back tears.
The congregation holds their breath, and Kurt knows Sebastian is loving this. Why was Blaine considered Dalton's darling when this incredible bullshitter was living in their midsts?
Sebastian waits a beat, waits for a reaction, braces to dodge a punch, which seems sure to come when Blaine's husband clenches both fists. But then, with no warning, Sebastian turns and sprints toward the doors.
Kurt watches him go, completely aware that Sebastian has ditched him and left him exposed, yet no one seems to care that he's there. "Sebastian!?"
"Run!" Sebastian jogs back, grabs Kurt's hand, and bolts, dragging his fiance behind him. "My God, man! Book it! His husband is wearing comfortable shoes!"
