#humoreffy

[editmechang]

effybennett

I don’t know what’s sadder this post or your handle.

You’re one of the haters Taylor sings about. You really don’t like my handle? It’s clever.

[spiritofstreisand]

TEXT → EFFY BENNETT

Rachel: Now that you're back, I feel like we need to have a night out so you can fill me in on your fancy new position and just how wonderful London was.

Rachel: Your pick, my treat. Wherever and whenever you want.

[spiritofstreisand]

THE ART OF MAIL IS NOT DEAD

(a heartfelt letter from Rachel Barbra Berry to her best frenemy, effybennett)

Dear - To Ef - Effy -

E, 

I’ve been trying for weeks to figure out what I would say if I saw you again. I must have assumed, somewhere in my head, that it was an inevitability, even while denying that our fight and argument has had any effect on me at all, and that you would even step foot on US soil again regardless. Seeing you here this morning was somehow unsurprising in the most surprising way of all - like getting something in the mail you completely forgot you ordered a few weeks ago. And I know I left the room while you were there without saying a word, but I think, for the first time in our lives, I was truly speechless.  We’ve had more than our fair share of problems lately. One fight after another until they’re all blending in and I don’t even remember what the root cause of it is. The aftermath, certainly, that I can remember and assess and I’ve done so in antagonizing detail over the past few weeks. (My apartment is oddly quiet, too still, and it leaves too much room for me and my thoughts.)  I don’t care about why we were fighting. It’s been so long, I can’t even remember the origins. What I do care about is that since you’ve been gone, my heart has felt a burden worse than any break up I’ve ever been through, worse than the time I lost all my Barbra music on my iTunes, worse than the time I tried to run away in seventh grade and Erik ratted us out to your parents that I was living in your room. You are my best friend, and mourning you has been the absolute worst thing I’ve ever attempted to do.  Perhaps I tried playing the victim a little, and maybe I acted like I didn’t care. It was easier, that way, than explaining to everyone that I do care, so much. That I was moments away from flying to London and shaking you because we are supposed to be better than this.  I love you, Effy. I know that in the face of emotion you tend to flee, but I’ve seen you at your best and your worst and though you may not care about many things, I know you love me. It’s why we’ve been fighting for months, why we still continue to go around and around. If I was anyone else, you would have gotten rid of me years ago and none of this would happen.  I’m sorry I tried to control the situation. I’m sorry I said you couldn’t go somewhere. I was panicking, I was terrified, and as unstable as the ground has been between us lately, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to have you in my life like I did if you left. I pushed you away instead of fighting harder for us, and I have no idea how to rectify that except my deepest apologies.  I got your present on Friday. I know it came anonymously, the tiara, but it also had international postage and you’re the only person I’ve known to be in England in the past few months. I know it isn’t enough to fix us, but the fact that you reached out first, however small, was enough to remind me that you care.  I think I just needed that. The reminder that this isn’t a one way street, even when it feels like it sometimes. I’m never going to ask you to change, and I would never want you to - I just want to feel like you care about me as much as I care about you.  I doubt you’ll even read this letter, but if you do...maybe we can talk about working this through, you and I? I don’t want to lose you, Effy. I’m not ready for us to say goodbye just yet.  Love always,  R ★

[balletjake]

effybennett

Nice to see you can do something with your scooter, Scooter Boy.

I think this is just jealousy over not having your own scooter.

[theghostryderlynn]

effybennett replied to your photo: ↳ INSTAGRAM: @ghostryder uploaded a photo.This is...

How original. I’m sure next he’ll be stealing your stuff and calling himself a prankmaster.

That’s true, the stuffed animals are original though and least he didn’t lock me in there as soon as I walked inside the room. And you know, technically he did that already when he took my stuff then put them in the vending machine.

[spiritofstreisand]

HOW DO YOU SLEEP → SELF PARA

who: rachel berry, effybennett what: rachel moves back home only to find someone sleeping in her bed  a/n: permission to god mod granted by lu 

Her fathers house didn't quite feel like home anymore, and Rachel knew that the apartment she was thinking about putting a deposit on wouldn't ever feel like it either. Only one place ever had, and she'd run away, upset and in pain and angry, emotions bubbling over as they were prone to do when too much was changing. 

She didn't want to move out. She'd known that since day one, but Effy was capable of playing games Rachel wasn't, and so Rachel tried to hit her where it would hurt her the most. Leaving. If Effy didn't bore of someone first, they bored of her, and Rachel knew it was a soft spot Effy would never admit she had open. 

And it didn't even matter anyways. Brody and her - it was never going to work, not in the long term, not when Brody was in love with her and she was still holding back. Did she really think it was a good idea to break her rule for him? To take back her words that she would never sleep with someone from the office, just for a couple weeks of fun? She was going to end up heartbroken, so maybe it was best to lick her wounds and run off before it got worse. 

But she didn't want to do it on the Upper East Side. She wanted to do it in Chelsea, where Santana woke up when Rachel went to shower and the smell of coffee wafted through the apartment, where Effy was constantly bringing a variety of men, women and the like in and out but almost always ended up snuggling against Rachel's arm when she was watching movies in the living room. It was home, more so than anything else was. Effy and Santana, they were her soul sisters despite having been an only child, and she hated being out of sorts with them. 

It didn't take her long to pack her bags, the taxi rushing through the deserted streets that met them at the late hour - her phone would have read 2:15 if she wasn't ignoring it, it's silence louder than anything else - and she did nothing more than drop them inside the front door before walking to her bedroom. 

The door was open, but she couldn't be that annoyed when she opened the door to see Effy sleeping on her bed, curled up around one of Rachel's pillows. She didn't even bother moving her, simply curled up on the other half. There was a good chance they'd never really talk about what had happened, but Rachel would make waffles in the morning for them, and they'd find peace. 

One thing in her life, at least, would go back to normal, and if she had Effy on her side again, nothing else could take her down.

[spiritofstreisand]

lost in the moment → self para

who: rachel berry, effy bennett and gregory/babe what: after a surprise attempt at motherhood, rachel and effy prepare to say goodbye to their child  a/n: drug mentions

Growing up, Rachel had never thought about being a mother. Children were usually separated away from their parents, and she had spent more time with her nanny than she had her fathers when she was still in the single digit ages, but it didn't matter who she was surrounded by: children had never liked her, and therefore she had never liked them. 

Living on the Upper East Side didn't really give way to normal after school jobs like babysitting or helping out in daycares, not that any of them had ever thought about working at the tender age of 16 anyways, which meant that the sudden arrival of an infant in the apartment threw all three girls for a loop. 

To her benefit, Effy was a lot more hands on than most would have ever given her credit for. Though most assumed she was a completely heartless, emotionless bitch who cared about nothing other than drugs and sex, Rachel knew better. You couldn't be friends with someone since you were in preschool and not - if there had ever been tears in Effy's life, Rachel had witnessed them. She was just smart enough never to bring mention to them. There was no changing her best friend, and for better or for worse, that's what she was. And though she could be too abrasive even for Rachel's taste, she knew there was no one she'd rather have in her corner. 

Or, apparently, helping her raise a child. 

The first night, Effy had convinced Rachel the only way she knew how to watch horror shows and films with her, plying her with the best pot in all five boroughs. It wasn't something Rachel indulged in regularly, or even often - but every now and again, she let temptation sweep her away, and it was almost always at the hands of Effy. 

By Saturday, when it had become apparent that the parents had forgotten their child completely, Rachel had started to panic. 

By Monday, she took action. 

"I still don't understand how they just forgot they had a son," Rachel murmured, adjusting the knit hat she'd placed on Gregory's head. Though the parents had exclaimed that they were so glad to get Bud back, Rachel had promptly ignored the childs real name in favor of her own. It was much better, in the long run. 

"Whatever," Effy declared from the couch, "what time are they supposed to be here?" 

"Any minute now," Rachel reminded her, bouncing the laughing child in her lap and laughing quietly with him. "If they show up. You know, they might not. What if they've already forgotten about him again? I wouldn't be surprised." 

Nor would she be that disappointed, probably. She'd grown quite fond of their little communal parenting style over the past few days - though she'd had to talk Effy out of actually placing the baby inside of a handbag, Effy was downright maternal when it was just the two of them in the apartment. She'd even gone as far as bringing home a tiny leather jacket for him, clashing with the little sweater Rachel had bought for him, but at least he was warm and happy. Taken care of. 

"Would you really disappear if I ever decided to have a kid?" Rachel asked her aloud, turning her head to watch as Effy flipped through a magazine. "I don't think I could ever raise a child without your involvement somehow." 

Effy's eyebrow raise spoke more than any words would have, and Rachel merely scoffed in return, bringing Gregory over to sit with Effy, pushing her legs out of the way until she was sitting comfortably next to her. 

"I mean it," Rachel continued, "Maybe I'll change my mind when they come to get him, but I think I could probably do this one day. And you've helped me be who I am, I couldn't live without you in my life entirely. Maybe I'd even let you dress them." 

"I'm holding you to that," Effy smirked, "in fact, maybe we should record it so I can remind you. Of course, if you somehow manage to procreate with Weston, I'm not coming near that thing. My fascination with horror stops at part-horse children." 

"Ha, ha," Rachel said dryly, rolling her eyes as the buzzer rang from downstairs, her pout falling in line as she passed off Gregory to Effy. "Looks like our time is up." 

And though she had never spent long nights dreaming of being a mother, she had to admit, even she was a little sad about the prospect of their baby being taken from them. 

[spiritofstreisand]

I came home to an infant crawling around my room.

I did not birth an infant and so far as I know, no one has died and mysteriously left me their child, so I don't know who's baby this is or why they're in my room but I have no doubt that this is Effy's fault and if you or someone you know is missing your child, please come retrieve it. I don't know how to take care of it and I will only break it somehow if it's left in my care for too long.