ONCE UPON A TIME this conversation would've hurt. her heart would've jumped in her throat to strangle her with emotion long before they ever reached the point of a standoff in the bedroom ── she would've pleaded with him, talked him from a ledge he lived on just so he'd look at her the way he did when they first met. so he'd stay hers for one more night before she woke up to face the reality of their situation. it worked in her head, but it sure felt a lot like false placation now that he was standing in front of her.
or was it jack that now held her attention ? the identity that fed on her husband for longer than a year, digging it's talons into what made him loki until he no longer existed ( YOU KNEW WHO I WAS WHEN YOU MARRIED ME, LUCY ). he was a rotting shell of his former self & she'd tried to bring him back. foolishly attempted to heal him in ways that proved to be more & more futile the longer she tried. but you can't fix something that wasn't there anymore. she could see it clear as day ── eyes that once held an indescribable light had dimmed to a dying flicker. the smile that kissed his cheeks was now superficial; hollow. carved out of a memory he either chose to throw out or fabricated along the way. gone was the man she knew & what stood in his place was something ugly. a ghost that haunted her bed.
she couldn't stand it anymore. she hated him. resented the way she wanted to light herself on fire every time he touched her instead of wanting to melt into it like she once had. maybe it was all the nights she spent on the bathroom floor screaming into a towel, a worthless attempt to drown out the devastation that slipped through her cries that did her in. or the times she called her dad after the kids fell asleep, sitting against the locked door of their bedroom just in case she needed to make a quick exit to play mother instead of grieving widow. how many times had she threatened to claw her own still beating heart from her chest & feed it to the coyotes ?
@huntedgod said: get out of my sight.
he doesn't surprise her anymore. not even this. the tactics to drive her further & further away had become something she was accustomed to ── in fact, she once loved him so much that she'd convinced herself it was the only way he knew how to love her back. seeing the world through rose colored glasses, her dad would remind her ( as if she didn't already know ).
they were off tonight, smashed beneath the weight of his words & the reason she'd already devised to excuse it away. tongue darted across protruding lower lip, shifting from foot to foot before comfortably resting her arms across her chest. striking blue-hued eyes rose to meet his, looking for a sign he was in there one last time ── please be there. & when she found nothing ... " i want a divorce. "
