18 + fandom tou haven't written for in a long time (I saw mckirk on here 😁)
18. “Maybe I didn’t! Have you ever thought about that?”
Ahah! finally! I started writing this at work, and then finished it just now and wow, did it get away from me (about 1600 words away!) I hope you like it!
Leonardglared down at the biobed and the blond-haired man laying bruised andunconscious upon it. Allthe blood had been washed away and much of the worst surface injuries were alreadydisappearing under the heavy duty dermal regeneration Jim had undergone. Itwould take longer for the bones to knit, but they were also well on their way,as were the rest of the internal injuries that Leonard had had to perform surgeryover.
Injuries that would have taken monthsin the days before modern medicine would take weeks at most now.
Theworst was over and now Leonard’s fear morphed into anger. Why did Jim seem so intent on throwing his life away?
Jimwas the only one to come back from the away mission so badly injured. Accordingto Spock, the captain’s actions had saved countless lives.
Asa doctor, Leonard should be pleased with that.
Asthe idiot who fell in love with the brash man before him, well, Leonard wasless than pleased.
Thetwo feelings warred within him which only served to make him feel worse as hekept vigil over Jim.
Heshould be used to this by now. He knewthat. Leonard had figuredit out fairly quickly into their Academy years. Hell, he’d already had in inklingon the shuttle, drunk as he was, that Jim wasn’t the sort to run away fromdanger but to throw himself merrily into the thick of it.
Leonardknew.
Butevery time there was another mission, no matter how trivial it was supposed tobe, Leonard’s heart was always in this throat.
Morethan once, he’d caught the knowing and sometimes downright pitying looks on thefaces of his fellow crew members, particularly the bridge crew and Nurse Chapel. And once, Nyotahad even approached Leonard about his unrequited feelings.
It didn’t help, and she turned away,the talented communications officer having found that there were some peopleshe couldn’t get through to. But Leonard was stubborn and he knew when thingswere hopeless.
But dammit, loving Jim was exhausting.
Agroan woke Leonard from the fitful sleep he’d been snatching – against his ownwill, but then, that’s what hours of surgery on top of an entire shift will netyou – to find Jim stirring at last.
Leonardleapt into action immediately, even as Jim’s eyes were blinking open, giving Jima hands on checking overdespite the many read outs he could see all while muttering out loud now that he had acaptive audience.
Literally.Jim was strapped down. He was going nowhere, for once.
“Iswear to God, Jim! You are out of your corn-fed mind! I thinkyou live to give me heart attacks. When you were brought in here earlier…” Leonardchoked on the words and glared down at the still groggy Jim. “Of all the stupid things you do– and you’ve done more than your share – dammit, Jim! Did you even think aboutthe consequences before you pulled that stunt? Do you ever?”
“MaybeI don’t!” Jim shoved out, his voice hoarse and cracking. “Have you ever thoughtof that?”
Jimstarted to cough and Leonard cursed, rushing to help Jim sit up, then push ahypospray into his neck before reaching over to the table for the cup of waterhe’d pre-prepped and giving it to Jim. Jim winced as Leonard cursed, but the cursing was forhimself. Handing Jim the water should have been the first thing he’d done. Leonard waited with his arms crossedwhile Jim slowly sipped at it.
“I’mthe captain, Bones. I do what needs to be done. And anyway, I know I can counton you to patch me up.” Jim smirked back up at Leonard and Leonards’ stomachlurched at the tired, boyish grin.
Leonardpinched his nose and closed his eyes, resting his elbow in his hand and leanedback against the table. Hewas tired. A bone deep weary ache that had nothing to do with the gruelinghours and everything to do with the emotional toll watching Jim hurl himselfinto danger or partners other than himself – really, anywhere that wasn’tLeonard – was taking on him.
“I’dprefer not to patch you up, Jim. There could come a day wheneven these hands can’t save you. I would rather not see that day.”
Therewas rustling and a soft padding across the small distance before a hand claspedLeonards’ shoulder, startling him into opening his eyes and dropping his handfrom his face. A worried Jim stood before him, his blue eyes wide in hisconcern. Dammit, Jim’s the one who washurt. If anyone should be concerned here, it should be me.
“Jim,you should be in bed – “
“Yeah,yeah, I’ll be a good boy and lay back down in a minute. See, I got this chiefmedical officer who isn’t feeling all that great, and as the captain, I gottahelp him.”
“See,that’s just the thing, Jim! You take care of everyone else first. What about you? Don’t you rate anyconsideration?”
“Bones,I’m nothing without my crew –“
“Yes,you are! You’re everything!” Leonardknew that was cutting too close to his feelings, but once he started on thisrant, he found himself unable to stop. “Your crew are wonderful people, yes,but you bring out the best in them!Jim, you’re brilliant! I’m sick of you telling yourself otherwise. They needyou as much as you need them – as much as I – “ Leonard finally found the strengthto snap his mouth shut, but it was too late.
“Asmuch as you what?” Jim asked shrewdly, stepping closer.
Leonardinhaled and looked away, picking up one of the medical scanners with shakinghands. “Lay back down, I need to finish examining you and make sure you haven’tstressed anything –“
Thehand disappeared from his shoulder, and Leonard almost breathed out a sigh ofrelief, until fingers, burning like brands against his skin, closed around bothhis hands.
“Asmuch as you what, Bones?” Jim asked indeceptively quiet tones, his voice filled with determination.
Leonardshook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Likehell, it doesn’t,” Jim snapped. “It’s got you all torn up. I’ve never seen you like this. Leonard, look at me!”
Reluctantly,knowing how stubborn Jim could be when he’d set his mind to something – thatwas one thing they both had in spades and if Leonard wanted Jim to recuperate,he’d have to be the one to cave – Leonard did just that, unable to avoid thoseblue eyes any longer.
“Oh,”Jim said softly, as realization hit him.
Allthe breath left Leonard in a rush as he sagged back against the table, closinghis eyes once more. He couldn’t bear to see the pity on Jim’s face as he explainedto Leonard what he already knew – that his love was one sided. “Dammit,” hesaid, not realizing he’d spoken it aloud. His hand returned to pinch the bridgeof his nose. He could feel a headache coming on and a burn in his eyes.
“Whydidn’t you ever tell me?” Jim asked.
Swallowing,Leonard answered gruffly, “What woulda been the point?”
“Thepoint?” Jim’s voice rose in disbelief. “The point?”
Achuckle burst between them and Leonard lowered his hand to glower at Jim formaking light of his feelings but then Jim blindsided him with the last wordsLeonard ever expected to hear.
“Dammit,I’ve been pining after your sorry ass for yearsand all this time…” Jim shook his head.
Leonardstared dumbfounded as Jim stepped closer, his southern drawl becoming morepronounced as he spoke. “Pining? After me?”
“Yeah,Bones. After you. Now, what are you gonna do about that?” Jim dared him, atwinkle rising in his eyes, a flush on his cheeks.
“Ithink…” Leonard tried to gather his thoughts. It was a harder task than itusually was around Jim but eventually he managed to pull something resembling asentence together. “I think we got some lost time to make up for.” Leonard heldup a hand to stall Jim when Jim opened his mout, “After, you’re all healed up. Now, get back on the bed.”
Jimrolled his eyes but complied, only needing a little bit of assistance fromLeonard as he hopped back up. Once he was tucked back in and the bed was ableto start up it’s work again, Jim looked up at Leonard with a smirk.
“SoDoc, I got this boo boo, right here,”Jim pointed to his lips. “Can I get a kiss to make it all better?”
“Darling,if you behave, and promise to be more careful in the future while we’re at it,you can get all the kisses you want,” Leonard said in mock exasperation. Inside,his heart was leaping in his chest so hard, he was uncertain how it hadn’t brokenthrough his ribcage yet.
“Promise?”Jim wheedled.
“Yes,Jim, I promise,” Leonard said affectionately, looking down at Jim in wonder.Unable to hold back anymore, now that he’d gotten permission, now that he knewhis feelings were not unrequited,Leonard leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Jim’s lips.
Athrill ran through him as he did.
Whenhe pulled back - sooner than he’d have liked, but Jim needed his rest, dammit -Jim was looking up at Leonard with equal parts wonder and disbelief and so muchlove that it made Leonard shake.
Jim’shand snaked out and grabbed Leonard’s, threading their fingers together. “I’m gonnahold you to that promise till we’re old and gray,” Jim murmured.
“Good,cause I’m gonna hold you to that one,”Leonard murmured back with a smile.
“Shattering and gasping, broken sobs and a lifeline. Secrets breaking inside and walls crumbling, almost bringing him to his knees. He’s been holding so much inside himself, that the crash is an avalanche, a landslide and tectonic shift”
From chapter 224 of Observations by anon-j-anon. Such a moving chapter from a classic fic. This is what inspired me to draw this picture. Many thanks to anon-j-anon for inspiring me.
Full size: https://sakurainguyen96.deviantart.com/art/As-long-as-you-return-to-me-698747006
My DeviantArt Gallery: https://sakurainguyen96.deviantart.com/gallery/
Please do not edit or repost my art on other social media without my permission.
Kirk is allowed to leave the prison facility on the grand vizier's orders but only so that he can complete a task for the nobleman. He can't run away because they still have Spock. This chapter does not feature any graphic torture or violence. -- Carmina
Jim and Spock are happily married. Except Jim can't quite remember where he is at the moment, or what he was doing, but maybe if he just waits a moment it'll come back to him...
stigmata (singular stigma) is a term used in Christian Mysticism to describe the manifestations of bodily wounds, scars and pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Jesus Christ, such as the hands, wrists, and feet.
an unsent letter from kirk to spock of invisible scars, deification, and that sweet, sweet retrograde amnesia
This is a companion piece to In the Morning which was part of the Old Married Spirk Challenge last month and the second in the series of All Day Long. Spock returns from a month long conference off planet and reflects on his fears about Jim aging. It can be read as a stand alone. Generations never, ever, happened. This takes place after the Final Frontier. Jim and Spock are probably in their 70s or 80s.
